Nice

This article is part of a series in which I teach you the secret of observing, evaluating and categorising the Universe.

It's nice to be nice, isn't it. And it's nice to look at, smell, listen to, eat and otherwise observe, manipulate and experience nice things. So what do we mean when we call something 'nice'? It's hard to say really. Perhaps we can best demonstrate what nice is by listing lots of nice things.

The Ultimate List of Nice Things

Here are a lot of nice things. Note that they aren't 'brilliant' or 'wonderful' or 'awe-inspiring' or exceptional in any way, except to women and perhaps men who are over-sensitive. They're just nice. Furthermore, you should be careful not to make the sadly all-too-common error of confusing 'nice' with related words. For example, people often mistakenly refer to puppies as 'nice'. Clearly, these people are too idiotic to live and should be rounded up, blindfolded, beaten, tortured and destroyed. It's immediately apparent to anyone with a degree of knowledge in these matters that puppies aren't nice in any way, shape or form.

Puppies are Lovely.

Further, some catastrophically stupid individuals - the remaining few who haven't yet been rounded up and inhumanely disposed of - routinely mistake things that are nice for things that aren't nice at all. A glaring example of this is kittens. People see the cute little ears and feel the warm, soft fur and mistakenly categorise them alongside flowers, say, or perhaps a warm, relaxing bath. They do so in complete ignorance of the awful, rotten, stinking, malevolent essence of the creatures.

Kittens aren't "nice". Kittens are horrible.

Nice facts

• Nice kittens are always horrible.
• Nice people are often horrible.
• Nice things are often horrible.
• Nice doesn't get you laid unless you pay for it.

Editor's Note: We see above the confusion of the amateurs in this particular field of study. A little knowledge, my friends, is indeed a dangerous thing. :rolleyes:

Supereditor's Note: indeed.

The List

• Drinking The Devil Inside's pee.
• Lazing on a Sunday afternoon
• Clouds in summer
• Tea and chocolate biscuits
• The dancing shadows of autumn leaves
• Innocent smile of a child with their first toy
• Dunes of Mars, cherishing the cold surface below
• Space nostalgia, gazing at eternal cosmos
• The slow rhythmic movement of cyan river water plants
• being eaten by a pack of hungry nymphomaniacs.
• The first cut into construction paper with a pair of scissors
• hot tea on a rainy afternoon
• cuddling in the blanket while its snowing outside
• a real wood fire on a cold winter night
• driving along long tree laden avenues
• a clear starry night
• banning trolls
• eating hobbit feet or chicken feet.[1]
• kittens
• luminescence of trillion stars
• Assimilation of sand particles whilst laying in the middle of the desert at evening
• Watching the rendezvous geese fly above in the cold cyan sky

And that's it, really. Unless you can think of any more?