The Most Offensive Jokes Ever!!!

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While enjoying a drink with his mate one night,ryan decides to try his luck with an attractive lady sitting by the bar.She lets him join her for a drink and to his surprise asks him to accompany him home.They spend the night hard at it.Finally they finish;Ryan rolls off,pulls out a cigarette and looks for his lighter.
He asks his new love if she has a light.
"There might be some matches in the top drawer",she replies.
Opening the drawer he finds some matches on top of a framed photo of another man.Naturally he begins to worry.
"Is this your husband?" he enquires nervously.
"No,silly" she replies.
"Your boyfriend then?"
"No",she replirs,snuggling up to him.
"Who is he then?"
"Thats me,before the operation!" :D :D
 
:) well i`d imagine i would be a bit pissed off if it happened to me,and it would really offend homophobes!!
 
mmaayyybe.
but why? (homophobes)
"whatcu meann starrr?"
and being pissed off isnt being offended
i mean, a horse pissing on you in the middle of madison sqaure garden would piss you off, but maybe a horse pissing on a black man over a white man would piss black people off.
 
what about this one.
Ryan rings his boss at work and says"Look,i`m really sorry,but i can`t come to work today,i`m sick".
"Sick!" screams his boss "Sick! This is the tenth time this month, Ryan.Exactly how sick are you?"
"Well",replies Ryan."I`m in bed with my 9 year old sister" :D
 
being pissed off can mean being offended in britain.and if you are a homophobe,i would imagine inserting your dick into the subject of your phobia,would in all probabillty,no certainly,offend you!! :D
 
slotty said:
being pissed off can mean being offended in britain.and if you are a homophobe,i would imagine inserting your dick into the subject of your phobia,would in all probabillty,no certainly,offend you!! :D
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NO DAMMIT IT ISNT
pissed off = like... irritated
offeneded= hurt emotionally
DA
Wahat you sayin all these tings bout be?

AND< THE WOMAN HAD AN OPERATION SO THERE WOULD BE NO DICK BEIN INSERTED INTO ANYWHERE THAT MAY OFFEND ANYONE UNLESS YOU DID A LOAD OF KINKY BONDAGE SHIT IN FRONT OF A STRAIGHT EDGE HOMO.
 
?????the woman WAS a MAN.she had had a sex change operation.SO if you were a hetro guy who hated gays you would be offended to find out you were fucking what USED to be a man.geddit?
i`m a brit.pissed off CAN mean offended.
 
YEAH IT CAN IF YOU ARE TALKING IN CAPITALS.
BUT NOT IF YOUR NORMAL
I KNOW SHE WAS A MAN BUT FRANKLY I AM BOREED WITH THIS BICKERING SHE IS NO LONGER A MAN AND WHILE THERE IS NO WAY I WOULD FUCK HER THE ONLY PERSON THAT IS AFFECTED IS THE GUY, WHO MIGHT NEED SOME SORT OF TREATMENT (i would) BUT APART FROM THAT ALL YOU HAVE IS A STORY THAT ENDS WITH YOU LAUGHING AT THE GUY FOR BEING SUCH A PRICK THAT HE STUCK HIS PRICK IN THE PLACE WHERE ANOTHER GUYS PRICK USED TO BE.
 
ok.............hhmmmm.i think i`ll have some more drugs now.you`ve burst my brain.you really do live up to your name :D
 
Whats grey,sits on the end of your bed,and takes the piss out of you?







a kidney dialysis machine
 
I've got one: what do you call three people in wheelchairs stacked on top of each other?






A vegetable rack.
 
Whats got 4 legs and goes "Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"? :D












Rod Hulls telly.
 
just to let anybody who does`nt know who Rod Hull is, he was a crap comedian who had a puppet of an emu in his act.He was up on his roof messing about with his TV aerial, slipped of the roof and killed himself.
 
Q: why are Aspirins made white?
A: you want them to work, don't you?

Q: what's the best thing about fucking a 9 year old boy?
A: you can turn him over and pretend he's a 9 year old girl.

a black guy is walking on the street with a big parrot on his shoulder.
a little boy comes up and says "sir, what an interesting animal you got there".
the parrot goes "yeah, i got him in Africa"

at a meating in a synagogue, Yossef asks the rabbi: "rabbi, why do people hate us so much?"
the rabbi says "that's an interesting question. how about we all talk about it tomorrow over some vodka. each one of you should bring a bottle so we can mix it in a big pot and drink, and discuss, and the answer will be clear."
Yossef went home and thought to himself "if everyone else is going to bring a bottle of vodka, if i bring a bottle of water no one will notice the difference."
and water was what he brought.
the rabbi poured all the vodka together in one pot, and started mixing it.
Yossef got anxious - "well, rabbi, what is the answer to my question? why do people hate us so much?"
the rabbi filled a cup and said "drink this Yossef"
yossef did and said "but this is water!"
and the rabbi said "and this is why the people hate us"

:D
i'm a Jew, i can say it.
and about the black jokes, i hope nobody got offended
 
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