The Most Offensive Jokes Ever!!!

Not open for further replies.
After their recent split, madonna and guy ritchie are now arguing over custody of the kids...........apparently neither one wants the nigger!
Q: What's the difference between Sarah Palin's mouth and her vagina?
A: Only some of the things that come out of her vagina are retarded.


Did you hear that McCain wants a recount? Yeah, he says the election was nigger-rigged.

A young woman in London was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself
into the Thames.

She went down to the docks and was about to leap into the freezing water when a handsome young
sailor saw her tottering on the edge of the pier, crying. He took pity on her and said, "Look,
you have so much to live for. I'm off to America in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you
away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day." Moving closer, he
slipped his arm round her shoulder and added, "I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy."

The girl nodded yes. After all, what did she have to lose? Perhaps a fresh start in America would
give her life new meaning. That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat.
From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit,and they made
passionate love until dawn.

Two weeks later, during a routine inspection, she was discovered by the captain.
"What are you doing here?" the captain asked.
"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she explained. "I get food and a trip to
America, and he's screwing me."

"He certainly is," the captain said. "This is the Woolwich Ferry"

Two Paki's are talking, and one says to the other, "I'm loving this. I've only been in England for a month, and I can speak Polish already."
UK and US officials had a meeting over the weekend. They have apparently agreed that if the USA put our queen on their stamps, we will in turn keep their president on our marmalade jars.
Graffiti on a wall:
Jesus is coming!
and we have to clean up

Best Jesus Joke Ever:

How much does Jesus love you?

*Spread arms and look mopey*

This much.


Jesus says "you must be THIS WIDE to get into heaven!!!!"
What's the difference between a baby and an old person?

Old people don't die when you screw them up the butt.

What similarities do a baby and an old person have?

They're both fun to throw out of moving vehicles.
Barack Obama's gardener has been sacked.

He only went into the oval office to ask where the spade was.
Why did the woman cross the road?

I don't know either, she's suppost to be in the kitchen.

Why don't women wear watches?

There's a clock on the stove.
my shot

Q: If you drop an apple and Obama from a tree which will fall first?
A: The apple, the rope around Obama's neck will stop him

Q: What do you tell a woman with 2 black eyes?
A: Nothing, you already told her twice.

Q: What do you call a barn full of black people?
A: Antique Farm Equipment

Q: How do you know you've been robbed by a Pollock?
A: Your garbage is eaten and your dog is pregnant.
Little boy walks in on his parents and sees them having sex,
"what are you doing ?" the boy asks
"making you a brother or sister" his parents reply,
the boy replies "can you do it doggy style? i want a puppy."
My money is on Martina Navratilova to win "I'm a Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here!".

She's been eating out of the Bush for years.
Heres a bad joke, but bad in a retarded way rather than an offensive way.

Whats green and fuzzy and if it fell out a tree it could kill you?

A pool table.
If you think life is bad...
How would you like to be an egg?
You only get laid once.
It takes 4 minutes to get hard, Only 2 minutes to get soft.
You share your box with 5 other guys.
After 3 minutes in the hot tub you get your head smashed in
and then you get a good poking by a load of soldiers.
But worst of all....
The only chick to sit on your face was your mother!
So cheer up, your life aint that bad!
Not open for further replies.