The Most Offensive Jokes Ever!!!

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Not british, English, you stupid canadian twat. not to bad, given current exchange rate earned about $6000 today, picking holiday destination cant decide between Zimbabwai or USA.
 
superplumber said:
Not british, English, you stupid canadian twat. not to bad, given current exchange rate earned about $6000 today, picking holiday destination cant decide between Zimbabwai or USA.
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Choose zimbabwai so I dont have to smell your tea loving ass on my side of the world. :D
 
A dog is truly a man's best friend.

If you don't believe it, just try this experiment.

Lock your dog and your wife in the boot of the car for an hour.

When you open the boot, which one is really happy to see you?
 
i dont buy coffee my customers make it for me they even throw bickies, cakes, bacon sarnies, crisps (sorry chips), beer (proper beer not that shit you drink).
 
I asked my wife her honest view on sexist jokes.

She was too busy cooking though
 
Q. How many men does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None, let the bitch do the dishes in the dark
 
A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide.

The librarian says; "Fuck off, you won't bring it back."
 
A guy goes to the pub, and says to his friend: "You won't believe what happened! I was taking a shortcut along the railway track, and I found a girl tied to the rails. I untied her, and then we had sex over and over again, all the positions, everything."

His friend replies: "That's great! Did you get a blowjob?"

"No, I never found her head."
 
I parked in a disabled space today and a traffic warden shouted to me, "oi, what's your disability?"

I said, "Tourettes, now fuck off you cunt!"
 
The following is the transcript of an actual radio conversation in
October 1995, between a US Navy ship off the coast of England, and the British
authorities.

The transcript was released by the MoD on 10/10/95.

BRITS: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South, to avoid a collision.
AMERICANS: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the North, to avoid a collision.
BRITS: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
AMERICANS: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
BRITS: Negative. I say again. You will have to divert your course.
AMERICANS: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN. THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES ATLANTIC FLEET. THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS ACCOMPANY US.
I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH. THAT'S 15 DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.

BRITS: This is a lighthouse. Your call.
 
superplumber said:
A guy goes to the pub, and says to his friend: "You won't believe what happened! I was taking a shortcut along the railway track, and I found a girl tied to the rails. I untied her, and then we had sex over and over again, all the positions, everything."

His friend replies: "That's great! Did you get a blowjob?"

"No, I never found her head."
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Jesus Christ, gotta spill that one.
 
superplumber said:
would love to continue banter old boy but must sleep, some of us have to keep the world ecomony thriving cant rely on you wankers
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Hey yeah, thanks for doing that, cuz our country is kind of busy blowing shit(or countries, whatever you want to call it) up and drinking beer. It's good to know there's people out there working so we can "borrow" billions of dollars from you to blow more shit up and make more beer.

By the way, my town probably supplies half of your country with lumber. We do the real work over here stupid fuck.
 
Steve100..lovechild of Bobby Brady and Harpo Marx?

Help me out here Steve, I need to get to the bottom of this.
 
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