The Most Offensive Jokes Ever!!!

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A new priest has just arrived and is interviewing one of the nuns. She tells him they've had a terrible time lately. First, the Germans came thru and raped all the nuns except sister Ann. Then, the Spanish came thru and, again, raped all the nuns except sister Ann. Then, the French. Again, sister Ann was spared. "Tell me" said the priest, "Why is sister Ann immune to the depravities of these barbarians?" "Well", she said, "Sister Ann doesn't go in for that sort of thing!"
Its been a bad week for rally

First, Richard Burns

and then so does Colin McRae
What does Johnny McRae have in common with Madeleine McGann?

They've both been shafted by their dad's chopper
Whats the difference between Gary Glitter and Colin McRae?

Colin McRae only had 2 boys go down on his chopper.
Northern Rock

After taking finacial advice, Colin McRea's with has removed all her money from Northern Rock and has moved it all to scottish widows.

Foot and Mouth has been discovered on a scottish farm.

Fuck knows when they will find the rest of Colin McRae
30 minute on full power

In the interest of avoiding global warming, Pavarotti will now not be cremated.

He will be Microwaved.

As they say its not over until the fat bastard pings!

British humour

Two Paddies were talking about films

The first says "That old bird who played Pussy Galour in that James Bond film has completeley split open her fanny"

The second says "Honor Blackman?"

"No, With a dildo" he replied.

Me and my hang ups

I was feeling a little depressed, so i phoned the samaritans. The british branch was busy so they put me through to the Pakistan branch.

I told them I was feeling suicidal, they said "Great, can you fly a plane?":shrug:

I am not going to read all 50 pages so if I repeat some, I apologize.

Whats the difference between a pizza and a jew?
- Pizza's don't scream when you put them in the oven.

Whats the difference between a dead black man lying in the middle of the road and a dead dog lying in the middle of the road?
- The dog has screech marks before it.

What do you call a whole bunch of white people running down a hill?
- Avalanche

What do you call a whole bunch of black people running down a hill?
- Mudslide

What do you call a whole bunch of Puerto Ricans people running down a hill?
- Jail Break!

A Priest, A Rabbi, and a Black man all jump out of an airplane, which one survives?
- Who cares?

Whats worse than a hundred babies hanging from a tree?
- One baby hanging from a hundred trees.

Whats the difference between a mustang and a pile of dead babies?
- I don't have a mustang in my garage.

What's the difference between a dead baby and a ham sandwich?
- I wouldn't fuck a ham sandwich.

Four gay guys walk in to a bar and there is only one stool available, how do they all manage to get a seat?
- They turn the stool upside down.

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

"You're the best here at guitar hero! Wow, thats like being the smartest kid with down syndrome!"

Why are black people afraid of chainsaws?
-*pretend to rev a chainsaw and say*
your jokes are soft

To hear some really offensive jokes you have to come to australia sometime.

Here's one (note; 'slope' is a derogatory word for asians)

-What does Virginia Tech and Mount Everest have in common?
-Minus 32 and a killer slope

That came out a couple hours after the shooting
See those jokes would be funny if i knew who those people were....

Hi, sorry. yes. they are a bit English only...

Heres 1 more ... Also mainly 4 brits.. sry

Ive been told Jeremy Beadle has a tiny cock.

But on the other hand I hear its quite big!

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