The Most Offensive Jokes Ever!!!

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Yh

Q Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
A She wasn't wearing a seat belt!
 
I see the smoking ban isn't working in Scotland.
I've just seen to pakis lighting up at Glasgow Airport.
 
I see police have released the names of 2 of the Glasgow car bombers:
Singe Majeep and Maheed Sonfayr.
 
The Harry Potter films are so unrealistic. The flying car and magical powers are believable but a ginger hair kid with two mates!!
 
I'm aprehensive... my boss told me this one and I cringed and laughed at the same time...

Q: What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza?
A: A pizza doesn't scream when you stick it in the oven.

~String
 
What is the difference between dog road kill and Indian road kill?
There are skid marks before the dog.

the only thing more suspicious than a black man running is a black man tippy-toeing. (Dave Chappelle)

Theres a plane about to crash because of the weight and there are 3 people on the plane, a Mexican, a White person, and a French. The French person threw out limes, the Mexican threw out just plain old beans, and the White person threw out the Mexican.
 
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Maybe only british people will get this, they'd have to know the mastercard adverts

1 Tank of Petrol..........£30
4 Gas canisters........£25 each
Second hand Jeep ...£2,540

Watching 2 pakis getting burned alive....priceless

There are some things money can't buy, for everything else there's mastercard
 
Pi-Sudoku said:
Maybe only british people will get this, they'd have to know the mastercard adverts

1 Tank of Petrol..........£30
4 Gas canisters........£25 each
Second hand Jeep ...£2,540

Watching 2 pakis getting burned alive....priceless

There are some things money can't buy, for everything else there's mastercard
Click to expand...

Mastercard uses the same commercial here in the States and Canada. I'm certain because of it's ease use it's probably prevelent in most of the industrialized world. It doesn't require any idiomatic equivelent when translated, so I'm guessing it's probably used in other languages too.

~String
 
Q - Why can't lesbians diet and wear make-up at the same time?
A - Because they can't eat Jenny Craig with Mary Kay on their face

Q - why did darksidzz cross the road?
A - he heard the chicken was easy.

Q - What do you call a black guy flying a plane?
A - A pilot, you racist bastard!!
 
A paki walks into a bar and says "can you recommend a good port?"
The bartender says "Southampton now piss off"
 
Offensive Redneck.

This joke is probubly the most offensive and disgusting joke ever(or at least i think so), so for the faint of heart dont read the rest of this post.............


How did the little redneck girl know her mother was on her period.......

Her brothers dick tasted funny!
 
another one.

this one i don't think is that funny (just grose) but a buddy of mine wanted me to put it on to see what you think.....

So three vampires walk into a bar, two of them order shots and the other orders a cup of boiling water. The first two down a few shots and then turn to the other and say "arn't you going to get some shots and get drunk as fuck with us?"........ then the sober vampire hauls out a used tampon and sais, "i'm just havin tea"

told you it was grose!
 
How did you guys miss this one?
Q: Why do women have legs?
A: So they don't leave a trail like a slug.

At a farm convention an Scot, a Yank, an Albertan and a Newfie were sitting at a table. The Brit says "At home I have a farm so big it takes hours to walk fence to fence". The Yank replies "That's nothin' I can jump on my horse and ride until dinner just to get to the fence on mine".
Not to be outdone the Albertan states "That's all? I can jump in my car and drive for three hours just to get to the property line".
The Newf looks at the Albertan and says "You had one of those damn English cars too, eh?"

Some guys met at a bar in London. One guy says "Hi, I'm from Victoria Canada and I can step out the door, shout God Save the Queen and hear a hundred voices reply God Save the Queen". The next guy says he's from Sydney Australia where you can shout that out and hear five hundred voices reply God Save The Queen. The next one says, well I am from right here in London where you could shout that and hear ten thousand replies of God Save the Queen!
The last guy says "Fuck you all. I'm from Ottawa, Canada. I can shout God Save the Queen across the river and three million Quebecers will reply mangez la merde!!!!
 
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More from the rain forest, a little more offensive:

Sally from the reservation asks Dad for $100 for a new grad dress.
-Sorry dear. I don't have dat kinda money.
But Dad, I'm the only one of your eleven kids to graduate high school. I can't go to graduation in old clothes. I need $100 for a dress!
-But hunney I only got a couple hundred until welfare day.
Daddy! C'mon I'll do anything, but I REALLY NEED a new dress.
-OK den, blow me!
So Sally gets down on her knees and takes Dad's cock in her mouth. BLEAGHH! Daddy your cock is gross, it tastes like shit!
-I know hunney, your brudder REALLY NEEDED the car tonight.

You know that dot on the East Indian woman's forehead?
It's really a dowry lottto. On the wedding night the groom scratches it off to see whether he won a taxi or a 7-11 for marrying her.
 
Chatha said:
What is the difference between dog road kill and Indian road kill?
There are skid marks before the dog.

the only thing more suspicious than a black man running is a black man tippy-toeing. (Dave Chappelle)

Theres a plane about to crash because of the weight and there are 3 people on the plane, a Mexican, a White person, and a French. The French person threw out limes, the Mexican threw out just plain old beans, and the White person threw out the Mexican.
Click to expand...

no you told the joke wrong. people use different origins in england but the joke is the same. you missed out some parts wich made it not funny. here is how it goes.



there was a plane with 3 passengers, a english man an irish man and an indian man, and they had a load of cargo flying over the ocean. the pilot warned that the plane was going down unless they lost some weight. so they all decided to throw out stuff that they have in abundance back home. the indian guy threw out sacks of rice, the irish guy threw out crates of guiness, and the english guy threw out the indian.



peace.
 
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