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Thread: not attracted to men nor women

  1. #1
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    not attracted to men nor women

    I have a son who is almost 17. He is not attracted to women and he is not attracted to men. What is this called? how can my husband and I help him through this? We have not been able to find any information on this. We are concerned that he will never develope an attraction to anyone. He is an otherwise normal teen. This is causing him a great deal of stress and discomfort. Please what are your thoughts on this matter and are there any reading materials out there regarding others like him?

    Thank you

  2. #2
    Quote Originally Posted by mumzzy View Post
    I have a son who is almost 17. He is not attracted to women and he is not attracted to men. What is this called?
    Asexuality?

    how can my husband and I help him through this?
    Why do you think it a problem? What are you worried about?

    This is causing him a great deal of stress and discomfort.
    Why? What is he worried about?

  3. #3
    Asexuality... Unless he's into something else like animals. In which case, all you can do is have an open dialogue with him.

    Try looking here if nothing gets him excited: http://www.asexuality.org/home/

  4. #4
    voltage gated ion channel Hercules Rockefeller's Avatar
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    As far as I am aware, there is a certain percentage of the population who are simply not interested in sex, be it hetero- or homosexual in nature. They are usually referred to in the general media as being “asexual”, although from a biological/scientific standpoint this is clearly not an accurate term.

    I don’t believe that a disinterest in sex is viewed as being any sort of problem that needs “fixing”, as long as the person is otherwise happy. However, if it’s causing your son angst and stress, then that probably does indicate that there are psychological issues that need to be addressed. These may simply be the usual teenage angst and confusion. He’s still very young and people develop their tastes and preferences at different stages.

    Teenage years are always difficult, especially as they approach the end of high school and the time for their first serious career decisions. It can be difficult to tease apart the standard transient teenage angst and confusion from actual psychological problems that need treatment of some sort. As always, don’t rely on the internet for medical advice – try to convince your son to see a counsellor. Probably not a school counsellor, but a professional psychologist who deals in teenagers and/or sexual health.

  5. #5
    Asexuality isn't the end of the world. Some asexual people even have successful romantic relationships! Kinsey even made mention of it, figuring like 1.5% of people were, so it's not this super rare or weird thing.

  6. #6
    O͓͍̯̬̯̙͈̟̥̳̩͒̆̿ͬ̑̀̓̿͋ͬ ̙̳ͅ ̫̪̳͔O Steve100's Avatar
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    Find out why it is distressing him first.

  7. #7
    Woo is resistant to reason PieAreSquared's Avatar
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    He is not attracted to women and he is not attracted to men. What is this called?


    A blessing

  8. #8
    Put Maxim journals in the bathroom under the sheets of newspaper.

    And than let it be.

    http://i37.photobucket.com/albums/e6...g?t=1244530298

  9. #9
    a compleate disintrest in sex COULD be a sign of depression but it could also just be that he is happy that way and detress is coming from his peers and parents expecting him to be sexually active. getting him to talk to a clinical psycologist is probably the best idea if he is distressed whatever the cause

  10. #10
    Woo is resistant to reason PieAreSquared's Avatar
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    follow dragons advice and you'll have perve on your hands in no time

  11. #11
    Be kind to yourself always. cosmictraveler's Avatar
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    I have a son who is almost 17. He is not attracted to women and he is not attracted to men. What is this called? how can my husband and I help him through this?
    Perhaps he is just happy being exactly who is is and doesn't want to become "involved" with anyone else right now. Pushing him into a relationship wouldn't be wise to do but leaving him alone and just being there in case he needs you would be more prudent. I'd think that there are many people who, at times, just do not want to become involved with someone for many good reasons and that's normal for them. Just wait and see what develops in the coming years but do not worry about it because he has the right to choose whatever lifestyle he chooses, just as you and your husband did.

  12. #12
    a love of bridges codanblad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Asguard View Post
    a compleate disintrest in sex COULD be a sign of depression but it could also just be that he is happy that way and detress is coming from his peers and parents expecting him to be sexually active. getting him to talk to a clinical psycologist is probably the best idea if he is distressed whatever the cause
    i agree, with this and showing him porn lol.

    what are his social skills like? is anti-social behaviour preventing him from getting close to anyone?

  13. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by mumzzy View Post
    I have a son who is almost 17. He is not attracted to women and he is not attracted to men. What is this called? how can my husband and I help him through this? We have not been able to find any information on this. We are concerned that he will never develope an attraction to anyone. He is an otherwise normal teen. This is causing him a great deal of stress and discomfort. Please what are your thoughts on this matter and are there any reading materials out there regarding others like him?

    Thank you
    I wasn't attracted to opposite sex either (I'm a girl) until I was about nearly 20. I saw it as a waste of time :-P

    After school or in weekend, my friends went shopping, went to cinema (with their boyfriends/girlfriends), I didn't get it.

    One day I brought this two thick books to Uni canteen and read one of them while eating and later on my best friend (a girl), told me, that's not very attractive, and I was like But that phase was over as I am more opened to people.

    Actually, every end of semester, all parents were invited to come to school or Uni, and our academic supervisor would give our parents the result of our exams of that semester. Then, there was this groups of students chatting with my mum (she is very friendly, my dad is more calm). Then my mum asked my classmates, so hows me at school? Then this guy told my mum, I am not friendly at all, always seemed angry or something I was never angry, but I was somewhat serious. After that, everyday my mum kept telling me to smile to people, to ask my friends to come over, etc. Then some guys also started to called to my home phone, so annoying

    So I guess, some people are just late.. maybe you have to talk and listen to your son, how is his feeling, is he shy or what.. why is he shy, etc.. Can also bring him to psychiatrist if it reach the point where he gets depressed..

  14. #14
    Moderating your thoughts.. Enmos's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mumzzy View Post
    I have a son who is almost 17. He is not attracted to women and he is not attracted to men. What is this called? how can my husband and I help him through this? We have not been able to find any information on this. We are concerned that he will never develope an attraction to anyone. He is an otherwise normal teen. This is causing him a great deal of stress and discomfort. Please what are your thoughts on this matter and are there any reading materials out there regarding others like him?

    Thank you
    Perhaps he's just not interested yet.
    Or maybe he hasn't worked out yet which sex he likes.
    If he likes both he might be confused and think he likes none.

  15. #15
    Quote Originally Posted by mumzzy View Post
    I have a son who is almost 17. ...
    If he was your 16 yr old daughter, would you worry?
    Both my brothers avoided dating in high school. The reason was my Mom micro-manged our lives and the last place they wanted her sticking her nose was their dating lives.

  16. #16
    Quote Originally Posted by mumzzy View Post
    I have a son who is almost 17. He is not attracted to women and he is not attracted to men. What is this called? how can my husband and I help him through this? We have not been able to find any information on this. We are concerned that he will never develope an attraction to anyone. He is an otherwise normal teen. This is causing him a great deal of stress and discomfort. Please what are your thoughts on this matter and are there any reading materials out there regarding others like him?

    Thank you
    -Is he attracted to anything?

    -Why is lack of attraction a problem? People don't need relationships to be happy.

    -He could have a mild form of autism called Asperger's Syndrome.

  17. #17
    It's an animal thing EmmZ's Avatar
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    Man, my life would have been much less complicated had I not have been so attracted to men. I'd think it's a blessing not to have to worry about sex or attraction. I'd think the stress of not being attracted to anyone isn't because he wants to be but can't, perhaps he feels everyone else is doing it so why can't I? Sexual apathy needn't be an issue if the individual is quite happy, but if it's lack of libido then perhaps it will kick in, perhaps it wont. I see problems could arise if someone was really attracted to him and he really wished he could feel something for them, but just didn't. In that case I wonder if there are any medical interventions that could be used.

  18. #18
    Registered Senior Member Mickmeister's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mumzzy View Post
    I have a son who is almost 17. He is not attracted to women and he is not attracted to men. What is this called? how can my husband and I help him through this? We have not been able to find any information on this. We are concerned that he will never develope an attraction to anyone. He is an otherwise normal teen. This is causing him a great deal of stress and discomfort. Please what are your thoughts on this matter and are there any reading materials out there regarding others like him?

    Thank you
    Does he have schizoid tendencies? Don't confuse this with schizophrenia either. They are different in that Schizophrenics also exhibit hallucinations, delusions, and complete disconnection with society. There are also a class of schizoids called secret schizoid where they exhibit outgoing social personalities, but are still loners in the end.

  19. #19
    Monkey see, monkey denigrate visceral_instinct's Avatar
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    What Hercules said, tell him to see a proper counsellor.

    This could simply be that he's asexual, or currently too focused on other things to feel attracted to either men or women. It could be other issues though.

  20. #20
    voltage gated ion channel Hercules Rockefeller's Avatar
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    You see, this is the problem with asking medical advice on the internet. We don’t know anything about this case and the people involved other than a few meagre details provided in the OP. But now we’ve got people talking about Asperger’s Syndrome and schizoid tendencies.

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