In the cricket

If England doesn't win this test match, we never will.
We've cheated. We've bribed the umpires. We've seeded the clouds to change the weather.
What more can we do?
 
Doh!

Well, the stage is set for a great day's cricket.
Either the Australians beat all records, or England undo a 75 year jinx and win an Ashes Test at Lords.

Could also end as a draw, but hopefully not.
 
Hurrah. England won an Ashes match at Lords.
That's twice now since the First ashes match in 1882.
:xctd:

What's a bit worrying though is that it was a farewell match for our most talented bowler.
 
was wondering when you would post, would like to point out that unlike england in the last test (where they did everything possable to waste time) Australia actually TRIED to win this one and got beaten. Notice we nither played for the draw nor used dirty tricks to avioid even doing that?
 
Australia rarely play for a draw, admittedly.
That's the confidence you get from years of winning matches.

But, if they had been in the same situation as England at the end of the last test, they would have slowed the game down too.
Probably with better finesse.
 
Yeah, g'day, had a bit of time on the bench, on the sideline and as twelfth man ( thirteenth man actually and it it brought me a shitload of badluck), anyway, cutting to the chase, ( but first, well done Poms, one up, three to play, series on) How good is Watson? the guy is the new Botham[well, Keith Miller really], he's got his dander up and will make a big ton followed by a Man Of Match bowling stint that will deflate English hopes like Fossett's balloon. Just watch as he smacks Freddy to the boundary then delivers a couple of viscious inswingers that trap the hapless captain with 'is traussers down then knock some mediocre (sorry, middle) order timber flying.
Three and a half rain affected days will be plenty.
I'm loving this test.
 
Hail Hail. The Glorious Spud.
Where have you been?
There was another Australian talking about cricket, but it wasn't the same.
Olistitsonfire, or something.
He's been banned now. Between you and me he was a bit of a twat.

Today's cricket is unexpectedly satisfactory for England, but I won't mention that, in fairness, as I didn't mention yesterday's shit performance.
Why didn't I make a post yesterday?:bawl:
Being a typical pessimistic England supporter, I was expecting a score of about 800 today.

Question:

English Cricket commentators, as well as being obsessed with ancient cricketing statistics, (which is one of the things I love about cricket), are always talking about two things which have nothing to do with cricket.
One is birds on the pitch, mainly pigeons in England, and the other is cakes.

No-one else in Britain talks about cakes. Honest.
We are just too close to France, where talking about cakes gets you the guillotine.

We do talk about biscuits a lot, but cakes, rarely.
 
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Jaffa Cakes, I avoid.
As a child, my family was too poor to buy Jaffa cakes, but I did occasionally eat them.
To me they taste of childhood angst.
I've never had a sweet tooth really.

Cricket references to cakes date back to the beloved commentator Brian Johnstone, Johnners, in cricketing terms a saint really, who was always talking about cakes.
Pigeons date to the much admired Henry Blofeld, who is still around.

Dywyddyr. How is that pronounced in English?
Sounds Welsh. In actuality the so called English team is of course the English and Welsh team.
Which many forget.
 
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Shit o' dear, me and my big gob.
Aussies capitulated in that session but we've still got watson to bowl and johnson will come back with some serious venom, he's too good to keep down.

Where was the bloody question? Cakes, biscuits? Chooks?
You'd be pleased to know I can pull off a pretty good impression of Ole Blowers BTW.

I spoke to olisnotwell the other day (yes, he's a bit of a knob as it turns out) and it seems Chames[woonknowiff'isARRZwasonfire]aaaR took a bit of a dislike to 'im too. Things are noT wat they always appear but he certainly bears out a few opinions.

The strong comeback by the Poms at least puts a result firmly back on the table. interesting couple of sessions coming up.
 
Oh yes, the question.
The question is:
Do Australian cricket commentators have pet subjects that they waffle on about when play is slow or it is raining.

Australian Blowers:
.... reminds me of the time Aunt Lizzie got caught in the dunny eating granda's Timtams.
My God, is that a Kookaburra on the pitch?.....................
 
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Captain Kremmen said:
.... reminds me of the time Aunt Lizzie got caught in the dunny eating granda's Timtams.
My God, is that a Kookaburra on the pitch?.....................
Click to expand...

Yeah, Kremmen, they talk about the same shit, even cakes but only when they're in the ole dart and some crone brings in a dreadful dry, sickly sponge number.

Kookaburras have way too much dignity to sit on the field, you'd more likely see them perched in a mighty eucalypt outside the ground chuckling at the daft humans. In Oz, it's the silver gulls and a few domestic pigeons who gather in flocks in the afternoons to see who can get killed by a Ponting pull shot to go out in some style or with a touch of notoriety, it's a dull life as a rat with wings!

We have several really good commentators, Jim Maxwell is all class and with a touch of humour, ian Chappell is kind of course but is one of the best cricket brains ever, Kerry O'Keefe is my personal favourite, an ex player of reasonable ability whose commentary is laced with dry wit, slapstick, double entendres and a fair degree of nouse, he's on ABC radio and is well worth a listen.

Poms are in a solid position but I can't help feeling this test will have some surprises and a tight finish.

Manou is taking his chance with glee, he looks to have the best pair of hands in the game for some time. Haddin may well rue this injury. Silky skills from Manou, the ball just slips into those mits.
 
Don't make any attempt to watch all the play.
Missing important parts of the game is part of the experience.

A Minnesota radio site explains the rules of their tournament.
Test Cricket is a bit different, but much the same.

Of course, baseball is this country's dominant bat and ball sport and most Americans don't understand cricket at all. But cricket is like baseball in many ways.

Each play begins with a pitch to a batter. The batter tries to hit the ball and then run to a base. The fielders record outs by catching the ball on the fly or by throwing the ball to the base before a runner gets there. Teams score runs by advancing on the bases, and the team that scores the most runs wins the game.


Cricket batsman
The biggest differences between baseball and cricket have to do with the layout of the field and the structure of the game. A cricket field has only two bases. They are called wickets and they are 66 feet apart.

Each play begins with two batsman, one in front of each wicket. The pitcher, known in cricket as the bowler, throws the ball from one wicket toward the batsman at the other. If the batsman swings and hits the ball, he has the option of running to the other wicket. If he runs, the other batsman has to run as well. If they both make it to the other wicket before the ball gets there, they score one run for their team.

"Once they score a single run, if they see there is a chance to steal another run, they can steal another run too," says Yunus. "Two to three runs is a standard thing, but four runs is usually something extraordinary effort."


Cricket wicket
Unlike baseball, there is no foul territory in cricket. A batsman can put the ball in play by hitting it in any direction, however there is a circular boundary to the field. If a batsman hits the ball past the boundary on the fly, his team scores six runs. If the ball rolls past the boundary, it counts for four runs.

The wicket is actually three thin poles that are each 28 inches tall. They are stuck in the ground a few inches apart. If the bowler hits the wicket with a pitch, the batsman is out. Unlike baseball, once a batsman is out, he doesn't hit again for the rest of the game.

In cricket, if ten batsman on one team are put out, the teams switch places and the other team gets to bat. Each team only gets one turn at bat.

But in most games, the teams do not get all the way through their batting order. Instead, their turn at bat ends after they have been thrown a predetermined number of hittable pitches. In this weekend's tournament that limit is 300 pitches per team.


http://minnesota.publicradio.org/display/web/2009/07/30/cricket-tournament/
 
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Edgbaston Test. Day 3.
I live not far from Edgbaston, and it has been raining cats and dogs all morning.

If we do get some play, I hope that Bell gets to a decent score.
He is a good solid county cricketer, but could not handle Warne, who had the ability to bowl him out almost immediately.
He should have been out yesterday, actually, but a bad umpire decision left him in.
I hope he will capitalize on it.
Warne was a spectator at Edgbaston yesterday, and no doubt is sneering at him from whatever seat he is in.

RIP Bobby Robson, a great English football player and manager.
images
 
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Baseball is to cricket as Krispy kremes are to oral sex ( recipient mode of course).

Nice try Kremmen.
 
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Yet another Cake arrives.
"I'll put it Over here with the others."

very-fat-woman-eating.jpg

Veteran Cricket Commentator Brian Snodgrass snacks between overs.
 
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