The Menagerie

Ready ... aim ... duck!

Wow
French snafu leaves seventeen injured

Don't bother writing your own punch line for this one. It would be crass to do so:

A military show in south-eastern France has left 17 people wounded, after real bullets were used instead of blanks.

The injured included five children. Four people, including one child, were said to have been seriously hurt - though three have now stabilised.

The incident occurred during a public demonstration of hostage-freeing techniques at a barracks in Aude.

The soldier who fired the shots has been detained - though an official said it was probably an accident.

It is not clear why the wrong ammunition was used in Sunday's demonstration.
But it was "99.9%" likely to be "an unintentional fault," Colonel Benoit Royal, head of the French army's information service, told the AFP news agency on Monday.

(BBC News)
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Seriously, it's not that I'm drawing a blank, but ....
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Notes:

BBC News. "French shooting show injures 17". June 30, 2008. http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/7480483.stm
 
another one i herd about, this is shear idiocy. How the fuck does someone fuck up which ammo to use?
 
Tiassa said:
Gun Prevents Home Invasion
But it's not what you might think

Er ... yeah. So it goes:



Ran, or staggered? An intermediate sentence in the ellipsis states "Sands was found outside the house". It would appear he didn't run very far.

Write your own punch line.
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He didn't quite manage to burgle the joint..but he gave it his best shot.
 
im not going to post the substance of this because its to intermingled with pics ect to sort out

This was a story from media watch which is a TV show on the ABC aimed at showing what the media is really like. I would say its like a current afairs show but for the media. Anyway i was looking through there articals and i came across this one on a radio program by Kyle and jackie-o.

They are the same team who has taken over hoasting big brother which says alot about there inteligence but some of these stunts really really take the cake. Well see for yourself
 
Cow Farts!

Cow Farts!
Argentina studies flatulent cows to combat global warming


Moo? Collecting cow farts for study. (Photo by Reuters)​

Just think of it this way: We've painted ourselves into such a corner that we have to take cow farts seriously.

On the other hand, the numbers are shocking. Rupert Neale reports for the Telegraph that:

• Methane "is 23 times more effective at trapping heat in the atmosphere than carbon dioxide".
• Cow farts account for thirty percent of Argentina's total greenhouse emissions.
• Argentina has around fifty-five million cows.
• Each animal produces between eight hundred and a thousand litres of farts each day.​

Now, the math is pretty cool. Cattle in Argentina put over fifty trillion litres of farts into the atmosphere every day.

Neale also reports that research suggests cow farts could be reduced by a quarter by switching the cattle from grain to a diet of clover and alfalfa. This would equal about a seven and a half percent reduction in Argentina's total greenhouse emissions.

Seriously, this is what it comes to. Bill Maher complains that meat is causing people to starve, and environmentalists are taking up the crusade against meat. We might not be able to stop having more children than we can afford, or driving single-occupancy cars and SUVs everywhere (unless, of course, gasoline gets too expensive), but by gum, we're going to take cow farts seriously.

Don't get me wrong. We do need to consider bovine emissions, but hello, can we all wake up now and admit there's a problem? Even the global warming deniers: just try this one on, "Holy shit, now they're arguing about farts!"
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Notes:

Neale, Rupert. "Cow farts collected in plastic tank for global warming study". Telegraph. July 9, 2008. http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/new...in-plastic-tank-for-global-warming-study.html

See Also:

Maher, Bill. Real Time With Bill Maher #614. HBO. April 18, 2008. http://www.billmaher.com/?page_id=233

"Eating beef 'is less green than driving'". Telegraph. July 23, 2007. http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/1557846/Eating-beef-'is-less-green-than-driving'.html
 
You have been warned

You Have Been Warned ....
Stop reading now

Via The Smoking Gun:

On Monday, August 4, 2008 ... while on routine patrol in a fully marked Fort Wayne police car ... I was traveling northbound in the 4500 block of S. Hanna St. and observed what I believed was a naked man standing in front of a large picture window of a home, in plain view. I turned my squad car around and again observed the male white standing in front of a large picture window ... in what appeared to be a well-lit living room with his genital region clearly visible to myself and others living or traveling on the road ....

.... I called for assistance from another on-duty unit and together ... [we] approached the residence on foot. I could clearly see through the open front door, the male white ... was lying on his sofa inserting an item, later identified as a claw hammer covered with a plastic bag, into his rectum while completely naked. We observed he had some type of lubricant on his genital area and buttocks which we learned was motor oil.

(The Smoking Gun)
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Um ... yeah. Insert (damn it!) punch line here. Better yet, don't.
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Notes:

Hughes, S. "Incident number: 08F123002". Fort Wayne Police Department. August 5, 2008. http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2008/0806082hammer1.html
 
See, that's what happens when your arse gets nailed by Norsefire!
You need a goddam clawhammer to denail your sorry arse.

/snigger
 
* musical entree* Doo do do do do do doo..Hammer Time!

M.C.Hammer- Misplaced Claw Hammer.
 
you know what desterbs me most about this?
why the fuck did the cops care?
why did he even stick his nose into it?
 
I'm representing the poor laddie in court.
Our defence goes something like this;..Your Honour, my client was merely confused, he had heard that one must move the mountain to Mohammad and misunderstood it as-mounting and removing my hammer!

We throw ourselves on the mercy of the court.
 
Rape and puppies

Um ... okay
Daily Mail suggests owner of cloned dog raped Mormon missionary

Right. So ... um ... yeah.

'Bernann McKinney' had saved tissue from the ear of her beloved 'Booger', which was frozen after the dog died, and then used as DNA source material to produce five pitbull pups.

So far, so silly season. (But as the eccentric Miss McKinney beamed joyfully from the world's television screens on Tuesday, vague bells began to ring.)

The face was familiar, albeit older and heavier. The surname was the same.

So was the alleged American, ex-beauty queen background and the unusual devotion to pitbull dogs.

Surely it wasn't? Could the new owner of the world's first commercially cloned pups be the same woman who had gone on the run from British justice 30 years ago, having been the star of one of the most bizarre, entertaining and downright saucy court cases in living memory?

In 1978, Joyce McKinney jumped bail and disappeared after being charged with kidnapping a 17-stone male Mormon missionary, whom she had chained to a Devon cottage bed with mink handcuffs and forced to have sex.

At the time, she famously said of her victim: 'I loved him so much that I would ski naked down Mount Everest with a carnation up my nose if he asked me to.'

Were these two blonde, American, dog-loving and, yes, quite possibly barking mad, Miss McKinneys one and the same person?

(Daily Mail)
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So The Times thinks they have confirmed that the one is, in fact, the other, and over at The Guardian, David Batty is covering the story as well. But from the Mail's original coverage, we might note a couple of punch lines:

• Joyce McKinney was a beauty queen in the 1970s and was a former Miss Wyoming before going to Brigham Young University, in Utah, to study drama

• McKinney met the similarly bailed May and the pair fled to Canada, using false passports and disguised as deaf-mute mime artistes.​

Is there any such thing as "normal" weird news?
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Notes:

"A cloned dog, a Mormon in mink-lined handcuffs and a tantalising mystery". Daily Mail. August 7, 2008. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/a...mink-lined-handcuffs-tantalising-mystery.html

See Also:

Bone, James and Dominic Kennedy. "Missing years in Bernann McKinney's strange journey from Mormon sex case to clones called Booger". The Times. August 8, 2008. http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/us_and_americas/article4481742.ece

Batty, David. "Joyce McKinney: from Mormon manacling to dog cloning". Guardian NewsBlog. August 8, 2008. http://blogs.guardian.co.uk/news/2008/08/joyce_mckinney_from_mormon_man.html
 
The ballad of Bernann McKinney

There was a mad woman from Surrey
Who fucked a fat priest in a flurry
of passion and lust
but left him for dust
when she met a bully who licked on her cunny

She moved out to North Carolina
the mutt wedged between her vagina
As lovers they howled
on all fours she growled
with booger nut deep inside her

When booger departed
she was quite broken hearted
but he died not in vain
she cloned him again
and once more her legs were a parted
 
As stupid as they wanna be?

But ... Mom!
Moronic burglar encounters mother, botches job

It's possible that, when it comes time for his prison beat-down, a 22 year-old failed burglar will be spared physical agony as his fellow inmates all succumb to hemorrhages, laughing themselves to death:

A 22-year-old was arrested Tuesday after his break-in hit an unexpected snag: his mother.

The armed suspect, alongside a 15-year-old accomplice, who was also arrested, entered a house on South Holly Street in South Seattle Tuesday afternoon, police said. The house belongs to the 22-year-old's mother.

When she and other family members confronted the pair, both suspects fled, firing several gunshots in the air.

(Arnsdorf)
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Perhaps the cruelest thing is the impact this will have on the children. Okay, maybe. But think of it this way: kids who aren't born yet will, twenty years from now, cringe as they hear the story told over Thanksgiving dinner yet again. Maybe one of them will masturbate over the cranberry sauce in an act of self-sacrifice, so they'll tell a different story come Christmas.

Still, though, we might wonder at the awkward moment. "But ... Mom! You're supposed to be getting your damn nails done!"
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Notes:

Arnsdorf, Isaac. "Would-be burglar surprised to find victim at home: his mother". SeattleTimes.com. August 20, 2008. http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/nationworld/2008125586_webbreakin19m.html
 
Cle the (expletive) Elum?

I didn't know where else to put this, so ... here:


Really? In Cle Elum? (Photo credit: Kelly O)​

Really, if you knew Cle Elum, this would be ... well, maybe not hilarious, but certainly worth a grin.
 
Something about the little children goes here ....

The Relevant Question ...
Survey says?

Via Slog:


Hmm ... A real noodle-scratcher for the cynical.
(Photo by Jennifer)​

Suffer the little children to come unto ye?
 
maybe he's into masturbation. maybe he needs to treat his genital warts. I wish I could have gone to the service to find out!
 
I have no idea how to post a url but it is www.exitmundi.nl Basically all the ways the world could come to an end, from mass spontaneous suicide to the eventual decay of every particle in existence. I have no idea where else to mention this AWESOME site. There is also some poorly researched stuff on the bible, if you like that sort of thing.
 
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