Jokes and Funny Stories II

Discussion in 'Free Thoughts' started by Billy T, Jan 10, 2014.

  1. Michael 345 New year. PRESENT is 71 years old Valued Senior Member

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    Damn I should read my bible more often, if I could find it.

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  3. Michael 345 New year. PRESENT is 71 years old Valued Senior Member

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  5. Benson Registered Senior Member

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    Did you know the toothbrush was invented in Alabama.

    Because if it had been invented anywhere else, it would have been called the teethbrush.

    (Change the state name as required)
     
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  7. Michael 345 New year. PRESENT is 71 years old Valued Senior Member

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  8. sculptor Valued Senior Member

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    alternately
    we have the Hebrew version

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    Last edited: Nov 13, 2020
  9. DaveC426913 Valued Senior Member

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    Angelfish eyes tomato ass.
     
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  10. sculptor Valued Senior Member

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    start with holy mackerel
    .............................
    the original I saw long ago had a bird between the fish and the eyes

    for the bird; reference b & w tv show from the fifties Amos and Andy
    and their friend kingfish
     
  11. Michael 345 New year. PRESENT is 71 years old Valued Senior Member

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    NT News newspaper Northern Territory Australia 14 November 2020
     
  12. Michael 345 New year. PRESENT is 71 years old Valued Senior Member

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  13. paddoboy Valued Senior Member

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  14. paddoboy Valued Senior Member

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  15. Michael 345 New year. PRESENT is 71 years old Valued Senior Member

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    So not so Daffy

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  16. paddoboy Valued Senior Member

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    An Irishman after much nagging, decided to take his Mrs on a holiday. They decide to go to Israel, and while undertaking some sightseeing in Jerusalem, the wife has a massive heart attack and dies.

    Sadly the Irishman confronts the local Funeral director about how much for the funeral and burial.

    The director offers his condolence and says that they have two price categories....To fly her back Ireland would be a hefty $35,000, or the more popular economical one, being buried in Jerusalem at $1500. The Irishman thinks for a while and says he'll prefer to fly her back to Ireland despite the expense.
    The Director is somewhat taken aback and asks the Irishman, why he doesn't go for the Jerusalem burial much cheaper variety.

    The Irishman laughs heartily and says, "I'm no fucking Idiot Son, why would I bury her here after what that bloke did 2000 years ago after they buried him.
     
  17. Michael 345 New year. PRESENT is 71 years old Valued Senior Member

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    What is the difference between yoghurt and the USA?

    Sooner or later the yoghurt develops a culture

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  18. foghorn Registered Senior Member

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    A woman was found drowned in a bowl of muesli...

    Apparently she was pulled in by a strong currant!
     
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  19. Michael 345 New year. PRESENT is 71 years old Valued Senior Member

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    Son ask dad what are boobs ?

    Well son boobs are a ladies breast

    Breast go through three phases

    At age her 20 a woman's breasts are like melons round and firm

    From age 30 to 40 more like pears. Still nice but hanging a bit

    Age 50 plus like onions. You see them and weep

    Daughter asks mom what is a willie?

    Well daughter a willie is man's pee pee

    Pee pee goes through three phases also

    Age 20 willie like an oak tree mighty and hard

    Age 30 to 40 more like birch. Flexible but reliable

    Age 50 plus like Christmas tree. Dead from the root up and balls are just for decoration

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  20. paddoboy Valued Senior Member

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  21. paddoboy Valued Senior Member

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  22. paddoboy Valued Senior Member

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  23. paddoboy Valued Senior Member

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    According to the Office for National Statistics in your country 190,374 people are having sex right now...212,130 Are kissing...and one poor ole person Is reading posts on a science forum.

    You hang in there sunshine!

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