The Most Offensive Jokes Ever!!!

[visceral_instinct]

3 Pregnant women sitting knitting...
The first takes a handful of pills and continues.
The second asks what are the pills you are taking?
Vitamins she replies so my baby has wonderful skin, nails and hair.
The second keeps topping up a glass with milk.
The first asks why are you drinking all that milk?
The second replies, so my baby has strong bones and teeth.
The third is knitting and listening and all the while scoffing tablets.
The first asks what are you taking?
She replies Thalidomide tablets.
The first yells "Why would you take Thalidomide?"
Oh, replies the third " I can't knit sleeves"

Oh my god, you nearly made me piss myself. Nice one.

[visceral_instinct]

what's the difference between travellers, and my death metal cds?

I get upset when you throw all my death metal cds off a viaduct.

[Ant]

There is apparently going to be a sequel to Silence Of The Lambs and will be shot in Liverpool, it's going to be called Shuttup Ewes.

[Frud11]

What's the good thing about Alzheimers?

You always get new visitors...

[Vega]

What kind of bee gives milk?

Boobie!

[Ambrocious]

my jokes may have already been posted....but meh...you'll get over it.

Q.Why does Michael Jackson eat pie?
A....who doesn't eat pie....

Q.What position does it take for a woman to give birth to an ugly fucking kid?
A.Ask your mum

Q. Why do the New Zealand horses run so fast?
A. Because they saw what the humans did to the sheep

Thats all I have for now. dont judge me, or i may just tell you to fuck off and die

[Ambrocious]

Oh yeah, remembered more

Q. Why are black guys getting stronger?
A. TVs are getting heavier

Q. Why do black guys smell so bad?
A. So blind people can hate them too

Q. Whats worse than your dog having aids?
A. The black guy who gave them to it

Q. What runs faster than a lizard?
A. The hungry black guy chasing it

Q. What gets up and runs at the speed of light?
A. An ethiopian with a mcdonalds voucher

....those jokes are good...I thought so anyway

[Frud11]

What happens if you substitute "honky", or "white trash" for "black guy"? Does the humour level change, at all?

[Ambrocious]

I don't know, a lot of offensive jokes are traditionally black jokes anyway.

[Ambrocious]

And another thing, why do people say don't read on if you are easily offended and shit like that....why would they be on a forum of The Most Offensive Jokes Ever if they were easily offended??

[visceral_instinct]

Yeah, in fairness, I hate racist jokes, but I'm not offended by the ones in here, seeing as it's a specific thread for offensive jokes.

[Frud11]

Ah, there's no recognition of offense/defense here, then.
(the label says so)

[Sikots]

Before the wedding:
She: Hi
He: Finally! I've been waiting for this for a long time!
She: Am I interrupting? Do you want me to leave?
He: NO! What are you thinking about? Frigthening thought!
She: Do you love me?
He: Of course. All day and all night!
She: Have you ever been unfaithful?
He: NO! NEVER! Why are you asking about that?
She: Do you wanna kiss me?
He: Yes, everytime I have the possibility!
She: Would you ever beat me?
He: Are you crazy? You know how I am!
She: Can i trust you?
He: Yes!
She: Lover!

Seven years later:

Just read the text downside up!

(And sorry for incorrect spelling! Had to translate it from danish to english... Got it as a sms...)

[hangemhigh]

man walks into a bar....theres a black bar tender...man says give us a pint please you black bastard.......who the hell do you think you are talking to says the barman, how would you like to be behind the bar and have someone come in and talk to you like that....fair enough says the punter and so they swap roles....in comes the black man and says give me a pint please you ignorant white bastard............sorry says the barman we dont serve niggers.

[Filthy Rich]

Yes Yuri, good?

Only one of any note there and that's you in your lucky blue suit.
Mildly funny, the rest are just shit.

Yuri tarded is hilarious. What the fuck have you contributed.

[KaliDagini]

Heigh-Ho everyone, I really enjoy the jokes on this site, so I broke and joined....

And did I mention I'm also gay, on top of being Indian and female.
Thanks. Innit.

(Just thought I'd mention that, before sugar-hearted people protesteth at my lack of taste...)

Right then, duckies, here we go:

A guy walks into a bar in downtown New York and notices an absolutely drop dead gorgeous woman near him, sipping a cocktail.
Great hourglass figure, long, long legs, full breasts nearly bursting out of her top.
"Who's that knockout?", he asks the bartender.
Bartender says: "She's a very high class prostitute, but I've heard she's worth it."
The guy makes up his mind, swallows and approaches her.
"Look," he says "I just have to have a bit of you, how much for a handjob?"

The prostitute curves her perfect lips around the cherry in her cocktail and says: "500 dollars."
Taken aback, the guys sputters: "FIVE hundred?? That's a lot!"
She looks him up and down, crooks a finger at him and says: "Follow me."
He follows her and outside she shows him a beautiful high-end silver sportscar.

"There. I bought that with the money I earned for handjobs alone."
The guy capitulates, pays her the money and she gives him the handjob in the back of her car.
He stumbles out with weak knees, stars dancing in front of his watering eyes.
Never, never has a handjob been so good.

A few weeks later he seeks her our in the same bar, still full of his last memory he says:
"Okay, then, how much for a blowjob?"
"Two grand.", she replies huskily.
"Oh, come off it!!". he protests, "That's a joke, right?"
She crooks her finger at him, gets him to follow her into her sportscar and drives him to an exquisitely elegant high rise condominium, the most high tech apartment he's ever been in.
"That," she says, smoothing her beautiful hair, " I bought staight out with the money for my blowjobs. Ball's in your court, love."

He turns without a word, goes to a bank and gets out the cash.
Some time after, he drags himself away from the most agonizingly brilliant blowjob he's ever had, he's come several times, his cock is sore and painful, he can barely stand, let alone walk straight, but GOD!!!!
Never, never has a blowjob been that good.

The very next day, he goes to his bank, liquidates all his assets, takes out a second mortgage on his house and goes to the woman's apartment building.
She lets him in and he takes a deep breath: "Right. I don't care how much it costs, i will give you everything I have, I just have GOT to have your pussy."

She looks at him and takes his hand.
Leading him out onto her balcony, he sees the whole of sparkling Manhattan laid out before him.
"That," she says, "Would all be mine....IF I had a pussy."


Have a nice day!

[madanthonywayne]

Leading him out onto her balcony, he sees the whole of sparkling Manhattan laid out before him.
"That," she says, "Would all be mine....IF I had a pussy."

Good one. Welcome to Sciforums.

[Chatha]

how does a blonde dial 911? Area code first

[Ant]

Nicole Ritchie has had a baby daughter. She weighed 7lb 6oz. No idea how much the tot weighed.

[smlcar]

They found Heath Ledger's suicide note. Titled "10 Things I Hate About Me"