Jim Norton owns you all with this list o' lists: The 50 funniest moments in child pornography. Women over 60 I've raped with a meat cleaver. The 5 snappiest remarks I've made while videotaping a miscarriage. My favorite 3 scenes in The Shining to masturbate to. The 10 lamest excuses my girlfriend ever gave for not eating my ass. Pet names for my penis that rhyme with cesspool. My favorite Scriptures to read aloud while teabagging a retarded girl. The 4 best jobs my dad ever lost due to sodomy convictions. Dinners my mother made that tasted worse than the diharreah of a cancer patient. The 6 most racist things I've yelled out a car window. Women with the worst smelling pussies, in order of ethnicity. Trinkets I own made out of gorilla hands. Fat girls I've stood up on New Year's Eve. The 7 largest objects I've ever hidden in my asshole. Women under 30 I'd like to slash with a razor. Freudian slips I've had around burn victims. The 10 most barbaric things I've done to the foreskin of an immigrant. Neighborhoods I’ve been chased out of due to Megan’s Law. The 5 prettiest girlfriends I ever lost by chasing them with doo doo on a stick. Dreams I've shattered by driving drunk. Women I've seen in snuff films that reminded me of Nicole Kidman. Speech impediments I've tolerated during phone sex. Embarrassing remarks that have been made regarding my genitals warts. Good-natured anecdotes about the Columbine shootings. Important political events I've spoiled by loudly defecating in my pants. People I've made up AIDS rumors about, in order of how badly it ruined their lives. Black churches I bombed in the south. 20 people I hope die of leukemia. The 10 most erotic wrestling holds ever put on me by an older gentleman. The 8 most disfigured people I ever beat up to impress a girl. Celebrity face I've painted on my scrotum. Inappropriate times I've screamed, "Cunt!" at my grandmother. American League shortstops I want to suck off, in order of batting average. My favorite songs to hum while gay bashing with a hammer claw. The 5 nicest hineys I ever sniffed by accident. Altzeimer patients I've bilked out of their life savings by posing as a relative. The 15 dirtiest things I would do with Bob Dole's right arm. Rectal itch creams I've received on my birthday, in order of effectiveness. 25 autistics I think are faking it. Best selling poems I've written about clitoral circumcision. The 3 foulest fluids ever dripped on me by a prostitute. Dates I've had that wound up going to trial, in order of how badly they were asking for it. My 5 most impressive achievements as a N.A.M.B.L.A. member. Girls I’ve fingered in their sleep. 10 things I’ve done while babysitting that could me misconstrued. Sexual fantasies I’ve had revolving around pig feces. Under aged girls I’ve had erection difficulties with. Girlfriends who’ve caught me 69ing with their fathers. Parasites I’ve caught nesting in my pubic hair. The 4 most inconvenient times a pigeon has shit in my mouth. The 6 most disgusting Port o Johns I’ve fallen into face first. Relatives I’ve gotten erections with while slow dancing.