Thread: The Most Offensive Jokes Ever!!!

  1. #1081
    Registered Member Klingy's Avatar
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    Women are like parking spaces, normally all the good ones are gone. So, occasionally, when no one's looking, you stick it in a disabled one.

  2. #1082
    same shit, differant day!! lucifers angel's Avatar
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    A married man was having an affair with his secretary.
    One day, their passions overcame them and they took off for her house, where they made passionate love all afternoon. Exhausted from the wild sex, they fell asleep, awakening around eight PM. As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Mystified, she nonetheless complied. He slipped into his shoes and drove home.
    "Where have you been!" demanded his wife when he entered the house.
    "Darling, I can't lie to you. I've been having an affair with my secretary and we've been having sex all afternoon. I fell asleep and didn't wake up until eight o'clock."
    The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, "You fucking lying bastard! You've been playing golf!"

  3. #1083
    Registered Member Klingy's Avatar
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    12
    British weather, its just like a Muslim, either sunni or shi'ite.

  4. #1084
    same shit, differant day!! lucifers angel's Avatar
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    Man walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm.

    His wife is lying in bed reading.

    Man says, "This is the pig I have sex with when you've got a headache."

    Wife replies, "I think you'll find that is a sheep."

    Man replies, "I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep."

  5. #1085
    same shit, differant day!! lucifers angel's Avatar
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    7,598
    Why is the Bible like a penis?

    You get it forced down your throat by a priest.

  6. #1086
    same shit, differant day!! lucifers angel's Avatar
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    Two nuns, Sister Mary and Sister Elizabeth are walking through the park when they are jumped by two thugs. Their habits are ripped from them and the men begin to sexually assault them.

    Sister Elizabeth casts her eyes heavenward and cries, "Forgive him Lord, for he knows not what he is doing!"

    Sister Mary turns and moans, "Oh God, mine does!!!"

  7. #1087
    Registered Member Klingy's Avatar
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    12
    Why are there no Muslims in Star Trek?

    It's set in the future.

  8. #1088
    same shit, differant day!! lucifers angel's Avatar
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    7,598
    What's yellow and lives off dead beetles?

    Yoko Ono.

  9. #1089
    same shit, differant day!! lucifers angel's Avatar
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    Little Johnny walks into his parents bedroom to find his Dad giving his Mum one. His Dad smirks and throws a pillow at the door saying, "Get outta here, you little shit!"

    A couple of hours later Dad hears a whole lot of commotion coming from little Johnny's bedroom. He goes up to find little Johnny giving his Grandma a right royal seeing to.

    Little Johnny smiles, "It's not so fucking funny when it's your Mum, is it?"

  10. #1090
    Registered Member Klingy's Avatar
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    12
    A girl is watching her father shower.

    She points to his penis and says, "Daddy, when will I get one of those?"

    He looks at his watch and says, "When your mother leaves for work!"

  11. #1091
    same shit, differant day!! lucifers angel's Avatar
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    Thank God for the "Save Maddie" fund. Her parents can afford a babysitter now.

  12. #1092
    same shit, differant day!! lucifers angel's Avatar
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    7,598
    What's the difference between Madeleine McCann and Madeleine McCann jokes?

    Madeleine McCann jokes will get old.

  13. #1093
    Registered Member Klingy's Avatar
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    12
    Girl: "Forgive me father for I have sinned."
    Priest: "What have you done my child?"
    Girl: "I called a man a son of a bitch."
    Priest: "Why did you call him a son of a bitch?"
    Girl: "Because he touched my hand."
    Priest: "Like this?" (as he touches her hand)
    Girl: "Yes father."
    Priest: "That's no reason to call a man a son of a bitch."
    Girl: "Then he touched my breast."
    Priest: "Like this?" (as he touched her breast)
    Girl: "Yes father."
    Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
    Girl: "Then he took off my clothes, father."
    Priest: "Like this?" (as he takes off her clothes)
    Girl: "Yes father."
    Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
    Girl: "Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where."
    Priest: "Like this?" (as he stuck his you know what into her you know where)
    Girl: "YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!"
    Priest: (after a few minutes): "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
    Girl: "But father he had AIDS!"
    Priest: "THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!"

  14. #1094
    Registered Member Klingy's Avatar
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    12
    Where do you send jewish kids with A.D.D.?

    To Concentration camps

  15. #1095
    same shit, differant day!! lucifers angel's Avatar
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    7,598
    A family of prostitutes are talking.
    The daughter says, "I got £50 for a blow job today".
    The mother says, "in my day it was £5".
    The Grandmother says, "in my day we were just glad for the warm drink".

  16. #1096
    Registered Member Klingy's Avatar
    Posts
    12
    After complaints that there aren't enough black people on British television, the BBC have vowed to solve the problem.
    They are now going to show Crimewatch 7 nights a week.

  17. #1097
    Registered Member Klingy's Avatar
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    12
    Q. What do you call a black abortion clinic?

    A. Crimestoppers.

  18. #1098
    Registered Member Klingy's Avatar
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    12
    What has eight legs and makes women scream?

    Gang rape!

  19. #1099
    Sex machine, coin operated. [a-5]'s Avatar
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    290
    Quote Originally Posted by Klingy View Post
    What has eight legs and makes women scream?

    Gang rape!
    Bahahahhahaha. I like that one.

  20. #1100
    Caught in the machine shichimenshyo's Avatar
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    5,111
    gang rape tfw!

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