Thread: The Most Offensive Jokes Ever!!!

  1. #821

  2. #822
    SpermBubble
    Guest
    Q- What's Red with Spunk in it?

    A-Jade Goody's next curry

  3. #823
    Jinxy
    Guest

    Talking Marriage

    I havent seen any jokes on marriage just thought i would add some for you.

    Marriage One Liners
    Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence--a life sentence.

    Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music is over, the strings are attached.

    Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore, marriage is an institution for the blind.

    Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her Masters.

    Marriage is a thing which puts a ring on a woman's finger and two under the man's eyes.

    Marriage certificate is just another word for a work permit.

    Marriage is not just a having a wife, but also worries inherited forever.

    Marriage requires a man to prepare 4 types of "rings":
    * The Engagement Ring
    * The Wedding Ring
    * The Suffe-Ring
    * The Endu-Ring

    Hope they make you smile

  4. #824
    slayerone456
    Guest

    hi there

    hi everyone, i heard your jokes and not bad at all.... i'd like to raise the bar a lil bit for mean, disturbing jokes.


    Q:What is the oppisite of christopher reeves?
    A:Christopher Walken

    Q: whats black and blue and hates sex??
    A: the lil boy in my closet

    Q: differnce between a pizza and jew?
    A: pizza's don't scream in the oven

    Q: whats the difference between a slave and a tire?
    A: tires don't sing when you put chains on them

    guy goes down on this chick and comes up with something in his mouth, spits it out and does'nt think much of it. goes back down and gets something else in his mouth and freaks "what..are you sick?" he yells
    she replies " no.. but the guy before you was"


    Q: what do you tell a woman with 2 black eyes?
    A: nothing...she's been told twice already

  5. #825
    Mourning in America madanthonywayne's Avatar
    Posts
    12,406
    Is this the original thread back from the dead? True thread necromacy!

  6. #826
    A little dated, but...

    Do you know G. W. Bush's feelings about Roe v. Wade?







    He doesn't care how they get out of New Orleans.

  7. #827
    Ok, I'll have to ask the Lord to forgive me for this one (like Larry the Cable Guy does), so here goes.

    Buckwheat and Darla were in English class, and the teacher says to the students "I'll give you a word, you spell it, then use it in a sentence," so she gets to Buckwheat and says "Buckwheat, your word is dicate, now can you spell it and use it in a sentence?"

    So Buckwheat says "uh huh, d-i-c-t-a-t-e," then the teacher says "very good Buckwheat, now use it in a sentence," so Buckwheat turns to Darla and says, "Darla, how'd my dicate lat night?"

  8. #828
    Quote Originally Posted by IceAgeCivilizations View Post
    (like Larry the Cable Guy does)
    I've always wondered what sort of simpleton found the blue collar comedy tour funny.


    Good joke, though.

  9. #829

  10. #830
    Or how about the Frenchman who was down at the beach watching the lifeguard attract all the women, so he saunters over and asks "why are the women so fond of you, what is your secret?"

    So the lifeguard says, "it's easy, go down to the store, get a potatoe, stick it in your swimsuit, the chicks will be all over you then."

    The Frenchman hurries to get his potatoe, sticks it in his trunks, stands around with nothing happening, so he goes back to the lifeguard and says "I did what you said, but no action."

    So the life guard checks him out and then says "no man, put it in front."

  11. #831
    Or how 'bout the kid who was born just a head, no body.

    So his parents are at a cocktail party, and they ask this guy what he does, and the guy says "I'm a research biochemist, we're working on a method to regenerate missing limbs."

    Then the dad says "our son is just a head, will you be able to possibly generate a body for him," and the biochemist says "if the formulae work out, we'll be able to generate a whole new body for your son."

    So the parents run home to tell Junior the hopeful news, they go in the house, go to the little head's bedroom, turn on the light, walk over and tap him on the head saying "son, son, we have a big surprise for you."

    Then he opens his eyes, looks up at them, and says "let me guess, another hat?"

  12. #832
    Quote Originally Posted by IceAgeCivilizations View Post
    Or how 'bout the kid who was born just a head, no body.

    So his parents are at a cocktail party, and they ask this guy what he does, and the guy says "I'm a research biochemist, we're working on a method to regenerate missing limbs."

    Then the dad says "our son is just a head, will you be able to possibly generate a body for him," and the biochemist says "if the formulae work out, we'll be able to generate a whole new body for your son."

    So the parents run home to tell Junior the hopeful news, they go in the house, go to the little head's bedroom, turn on the light, walk over and tap him on the head saying "son, son, we have a big surprise for you."

    Then he opens his eyes, looks up at them, and says "let me guess, another hat?"
    That's brutal.

  13. #833
    Wanna hear a joke?

    Womens Rights.

  14. #834
    2 guys talking in a pub.
    "My wife asked me if we should renew our wedding vows yesterday."
    "So why are you so glum-looking?"
    "I thought they had expired."

    Not offensive (or funny) but I'm runnig low here...

  15. #835
    Mourning in America madanthonywayne's Avatar
    Posts
    12,406
    Quote Originally Posted by The Flemster View Post
    2 guys talking in a pub.
    "My wife asked me if we should renew our wedding vows yesterday."
    "So why are you so glum-looking?"
    "I thought they had expired."

    Not offensive (or funny) but I'm runnig low here...
    That reminds me of another one:
    A lawyer sees a friend of his sitting at a bar, looking quite depressed. He sits next to him and asks, "Joe, what's wrong?" Joe says, "Twenty-five years ago I told you I was going to kill my wife, remember? "Sure, I remember. I told you not to do it, you'd get twenty-five years!" "That's right", says Joe, "And if I hadn't listened to you, I'd be a free man now!"

  16. #836
    danedrop
    Guest
    ok i got one

    why dont blacks and mexicans marry??

    answer: because their afraid their kids will be too lazy to steal

    this is my all time favorite joke lol

  17. #837
    How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable?


    Put a queer in a coma.

  18. #838
    Plutarch (Mickey's Dog)
    Posts
    9,214
    Swivel:

    That makes me rock hard. That was brilliant.

  19. #839
    Quote Originally Posted by Prince_James View Post
    Swivel:

    That makes me rock hard. That was brilliant.
    Thanks. I made it up a week ago and I'm trying to spread it around to see how fast jokes can move. It's going to be cool when I get my own joke emailed to me one day.

  20. #840
    Quote Originally Posted by swivel View Post
    How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable?


    Put a queer in a coma.

    Be careful swivey... you don't want to scare away the comas.

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