The Menagerie

Darwin Award Nominee (At Least the Battery's Not Dead!)

Darwin Award Nominee
Hold your ballots; we have a late entry

Last-minute nominees:

Five teenagers have died in a motel room in southern Florida, in a case of suspected carbon monoxide poisoning.

The young men, aged 16 to 19, had left a car running in a garage below the room they had rented to celebrate one of the group's 19th birthday.

A door to a staircase leading to the garage was left open and high levels of carbon monoxide were found in the room ....

.... Friends of the teenagers told the Miami Herald newspaper that the car had needed a jump-start earlier in the day and might have been left running to keep the battery charged.

(BBC)​

(I have a feeling something really obvious goes here.)
____________________

Notes:

British Broadcasting Corporation. "Five teenagers die in Florida motel room". BBC News Online. December 28, 2010. BBC.co.uk. December 28, 2010. http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-12087305
 
Just skip this one

Do Not Continue Reading!
Just skip this one ....

Ah, the American family. Background. Woman, husband, mother-in-law all drinking in New Mexico. Mother-in-law argues with her son. Woman makes the mistake of intervening:

The mother-in-law allegedly "grabbed (the victim's) right breast and began to squeeze and pull on her nipple" during the argument and refused to let go until the younger woman punched her in the face.

The victim said she kicked the older woman out of the house and soon discovered fluid in her breast and her nipple fell to the ground when she lifted her shirt.

Police said the victim, whose nipple was reattached Sunday at Memorial Medical Center, told officers she did not want to press charges but prosecutors are weighing a possible count of felony aggravated battery against a household member.

(United Press International)​

I don't think if I lived a thousand years I would ever wake up in the morning expecting to read that sometime in the afternoon.

I mean, this is sort of like a bad "redneck" joke.
____________________

Notes:

United Press International. "Police: Woman ripped off in-law's nipple". December 16, 2010. UPI.com. December 28, 2010. http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2010/12/16/Police-Woman-ripped-off-in-laws-nipple/UPI-71461292530022/
 
Tiassa said:
Darwin Award Nominee
Hold your ballots; we have a late entry

Last-minute nominees:

Five teenagers have died in a motel room in southern Florida, in a case of suspected carbon monoxide poisoning.

The young men, aged 16 to 19, had left a car running in a garage below the room they had rented to celebrate one of the group's 19th birthday.

A door to a staircase leading to the garage was left open and high levels of carbon monoxide were found in the room ....

.... Friends of the teenagers told the Miami Herald newspaper that the car had needed a jump-start earlier in the day and might have been left running to keep the battery charged.

(BBC)​

(I have a feeling something really obvious goes here.)
____________________

Notes:

British Broadcasting Corporation. "Five teenagers die in Florida motel room". BBC News Online. December 28, 2010. BBC.co.uk. December 28, 2010. http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-12087305
Click to expand...

i find this one sad, how many times have similar situations happened in houses where the garage and main building are one stucture. If anything its likly to become MORE common. In fact there is actually a warning on all ambulance bay doors (ie the door in and out of the crew area) and probably all the fire service's doors too in SA warning employees not to leave the emergency service vechiles running for exactly this reason.
 
Guns aren't sex toys

Bang! Say Da Da-Da Da!
Alleged sex fantasy brings first-degree murder charge

Arthur Sedille, age 23, has been charged with first-degree murder in relation to the death of his fifty year-old wife:

An affidavit supporting the arrest of a man charged with murder in the shooting death of his wife says the defendant told Oklahoma City police that the couple often engaged in sexual fantasy play involving a gun ....

.... According to The Oklahoman, an affidavit filed in court says the 23-year-old Sedille told investigators that, during sex play the night of Dec. 21, he took a handgun he thought was unloaded from a shelf beside the bed and racked the slide back, cocking the weapon. According to the affidavit, he told police he placed the gun to her head and it fired.

(Associated Press)​

Practice safe sex, people. Even if you really are a "responsible" gun owner.

To the other, I don't think a condom would do the trick for this.

Dan Savage gets the obvious commentary:

Anyone stupid enough to use a loaded gun during sex-play ... should be charged with first-degree murder even if there was a way to prove the "play" was consensual and the gunshot wound to the head was an "accident."

Guns aren't sex toys.​
____________________

Notes:

Associated Press. "Gun Went Off During Sex Play, Man Tells Police". CBS News. December 28, 2010. CBSNews.com. December 29, 2010. http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2010/12/28/national/main7193629.shtml

Savage, Dan. "Unloading". Slog. December 29, 2010. Slog.TheStranger.com. December 29, 2010. http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/archives/2010/12/29/unloading
 
Poop Shoot

Poop Shoot!
No, really, it's a poop shoot

The Associated Press explains:

An argument between two armed neighbors over a dog and its feces escalated to a shootout in rural Mississippi, sending one neighbor to the hospital with injuries from shotgun pellets and the other neighbor to jail ....

Tenhet says he was friends with Blasingame and only went over to his house to complain in general about the dog feces in his lawn—not to accuse him—and encountered a drunk and irate neighbor.

Blasingame told the AP that they argued because Tenhet shot his dog last week and threatened to kill him and his dog "over poop."

Tenhet denies shooting the dog: "I said 'Jerry, your dog ain't even dead.' He said 'Just meet me at the levee and I'll shoot you down.'"

Blasingame said he got a gun and left the house in his truck, hoping Tenhet would follow so there would be no confrontation in front of bystanders.

Tenhet did not follow and said Blasingame returned to the neighborhood from a different direction in an apparent attempt to ambush him.

The men dispute what happened next.

Blasingame says Tenhet was armed when he returned to the neighborhood: "(Tenhet) said, 'Point that gun at me.' I said, 'No, point that gun at me.' He shot twice. I returned fire."

Tenhet says he was unarmed when Blasingame returned and told Tenhet he was going to shoot him: "I said, man, do what you gotta do" before Blasingame opened fire.

Tehnet said he grabbed his pistol from his nearby car and returned fire. Tehnet says he dropped his weapon after being struck in both thumbs by shotgun pellets.​

This thing writes itself.

Although, it is perhaps worth noting how clearly issues are defined when responsible gun owners find themselves reduced to the obligation to use deadly force. One way or another, whether you believe Blasingame or Tenhet, there is absolutely no question that someone is clearly right and someone clearly wrong.

I mean, the article contains two of the best sentences I've encountered so far this year:

• "I said 'Jerry, your dog ain't even dead.'"

• Tehnet says he dropped his weapon after being struck in both thumbs by shotgun pellets.​

I just can't make this one sound good for anyone involved.
____________________

Notes:

Associated Press. "Neighbors' Dog Poop Dispute Ends In Hail Of Pellets". March 25, 2011. NPR.org. March 26, 2011. http://www.npr.org/2011/03/25/134868310/neighbors-dog-poop-dispute-ends-in-hail-of-pellets
 
Just as well these guys are scumbags and lowlifes then. If they hadn't shot each other up, the neighbours would have to have rustled up a posse, like in the movies.

"Dog poop", yeah sure it was, pal.
It was about the right to shoot each other--it's in the Constitution isn't it?
 
When all you got's a gun, ever'thin' looks like Al Qaeda

Arfa Brane said:

"Dog poop", yeah sure it was, pal.
It was about the right to shoot each other--it's in the Constitution isn't it?
Click to expand...

Well, carrying a firearm is one way to make sure your pals at the bar don't start calling you "Poopshooter" or "Thumbless".

I cannot explain why I keep laughing ridiculously at that line: "I said, 'Jerry, your dog ain't even dead'."

And, yeah, I see how it works, but still, the idea of being shot in the thumbs ... it challenges my ability to type.

The AP article even has this weird tone about it, like the reporter is covering it simply because it happened. There is such a "look at me!" aspect to this story.

But the whole thing just sounds surreal:

Jerry: You shot my dog.

Terry: Jerry, your dog ain't even dead!

Jerry: Just meet me at the levee, and I'll shoot you down.​

I mean, what the hell? And, yes, their names are Jerry and Terry. This is a story that the reporter follows because he's thinking, "No. Nobody's going to believe this."

It's like a bad joke on a prime-time cartoon.
 
Rodeo Queens and Infected Horses

Source: KSL
Link: http://www.ksl.com/?nid=148&sid=15716018
Title: "Horse herpes outbreak forces rodeo queens to ride stick ponies", by Nadine Wimmer and Wendy Leonard
Date: May 26, 2011

Nope. I do not live in horse country.

Really, I've got nothing. The potential punch lines are overwhelming.

While the state has yet to officially cancel any events involving horses that might have been exposed to a local recent equine herpes outbreak, owners and arenas are taking precautions.

Because of the outbreak, contestants at the Davis County Sheriff's Mounted Posse Junior Queen Contest had to cowgirl up Thursday night without their mares.

Instead of competing on horses, as is typically the case, contestants were asked to trot around the arena with stick horses as their show ponies.

"It's kind of weird, but you can't really help that the disease is going around," said former queen Savanna Steed. She said the stick horses will test the riders' knowledge of whether they know the routine, rather than letting the horse do all the work.

(Wimmer and Leonard)​


Yes, there is video available.​

I mean, what the hell am I supposed to do with that? I just keep thinking of hymen jokes, and then the fact that it's herpes, and it's a rodeo queen pageant ... and there's even this bit in the video where the elegant Ms. Steed explains:

"It'll give you experience for, you know—things—if you have—if you happen to have a problem like this later in life, you already have the experience of riding a stick horse."​

Quite obviously, I do not live in horse country.
 
God Bless America, Always and Forever, Amen

Cripple Fight!
Well, intellectual and moral cripples, but still ....

Let's just skip straight to the fun. David Schmader explains:

The week kicks off with Memorial Day, the national holiday founded as a day of remembrance for lives lost in the Civil War, shifted in the early 20th century to a commemoration of all US war dead, and since morphed into a secular summer kickoff celebrated with hangovers and mattress sales. The day's mixed messages were well represented in Washington, DC, where President Barack Obama led Memorial Day observances at the Arlington National Cemetery. Meanwhile, outside the gates, two groups of titanic assholes grappled in a battle royale. In this corner: Westboro Baptist Church, the fag-bashing, funeral-picketing Christian failures led by the near-dead Fred Phelps. In the other corner: the Ku Klux Klan, the hood-wearing honkies whose brain-warped racism masquerades as concern for the purity of the white race. At issue: the KKK's disapproval of Westboro's protests outside military funerals, where the Phelps phreaks wave their Day-Glo crazy hate posters blasting the fag-enabling US military and thanking God for dead soldiers. "It's the soldier that fought and died and gave them that right to free speech," said Dennis LaBonte, "Imperial Wizard" of Virginia's Knights of the Southern Cross, to CNN. Confronted by the 10 counter-protesting Klansmen, Westboro representatives were unimpressed. "The Bible doesn't say anywhere that it's an abomination to be born of a certain gender or race," said Abigail Phelps to CNN. "They have no moral authority on anything." (Burned by a Phelps—kill yourselves, Klansmen.) Thank you, members of the US military.​

There is nothing I can add that wouldn't spoil the moment.
____________________

Notes:

Schmader, David. "Last Days". The Stranger. June 7, 2011. TheStranger.com. June 8, 2011. http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/last-days/Content?oid=8526180
 
Know Thy Weasel

Know Thy Weasel
Because this is the Pacific Northwest

From the world of really important things you should know, the Associated Press reports:

Police say a man was carrying a dead weasel when he burst into an apartment and assaulted a man in Washington state.

The victim asked, "Why are you carrying a weasel?" Police said the attacker answered, "It's not a weasel, it's a marten," then punched him in the nose and fled.

The attacker was apparently looking for his girlfriend and had gone to her former boyfriend's apartment Monday where the victim was a guest.

KXRO reports he left the carcass behind ....

.... He said he had found the marten dead near Hoquiam, but police don't know why he carried it with him.

A marten is a member of the weasel family.

(Boldface accent added)​

And now, the inevitable, again courtesy the Associated Press:

Here's an update to the strange case of a man accused of assaulting another man in Hoquiam while holding a dead weasel. The attacker told the victim and police that the animal was a marten.

Now, Hoquiam Police Chief Jeff Myers tells KXRO the animal actually was a mink. He says martens haven't been seen in the Grays Harbor area for 50 years.

Both minks and martens are members of the weasel family.​

Can't tell a marten from a mink. I'll bet he feels really stupid ....
____________________

Notes:

Associated Press. "Man With Dead Weasel Accused of Assault". June 8, 2011. NYTimes.com. June 14, 2011. http://www.nytimes.com/aponline/2011/06/08/us/AP-US-Dead-Weasel-Assault.html

—————. "Hoquiam 'weasel' assault case involved mink, not marten". June 10, 2011. SeattleTimes.NWSource.com. June 14, 2011. http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/localnews/2015280938_apusdeadweaselassault.html
 
Your War Against Incontinence

Your War Against Terror
TSA: Protecting us from elderly people's bladders since 2002

The Associated Press brings us the detail:

A gravely ill 95-year-old woman had to remove her wet diaper at an airport so that she could be patted down by security screeners and nearly missed her flight, her daughter said Monday.

During the pat-down, Transportation Security Administration inspectors found a mass on Lena Reppert’s upper thigh, her daughter Jean Weber said. The mass was a hard spot on the diaper that had become heavy and concentrated in that place because it was wet. Reppert, who is in a wheelchair, had to be patted down because she couldn’t go through a scanning machine, and the TSA agents said they could not search the diaper while she was still wearing it, Weber said.

Reppert couldn’t board a June 18 flight from Northwest Florida Regional Airport in Fort Walton Beach to Detroit until she was cleared by security, Weber said. Reppert, who has leukemia and had been living in the Florida Panhandle, was returning to her native Hastings, Mich., where she wants to be buried.

Weber, a waitress, said she was told the diaper would have to be removed so the agents could finish their pat-down. They had not packed any extra diapers in their carry-on because her mother has never needed backups before.

“She had to remove them,” Weber said. “She would not be cleared with those Depends on.”​

Say what you want about the need for security, but I'm convinced that the terrorists won a while ago. This is just more evidence.

We need to search an elderly, dying woman's crotch because we're so afraid.

... Weber said the agents would not allow her to remove the diaper in the screening room — so she had to take her mother to a restroom outside the security area, and then wait in line to be screened again. The second time, Weber said she triggered an alarm herself because she was upset and crying.

They tested her purse for chemicals while her mother finished her pat-down in private, she said. By then, she had lost her pass allowing her to escort her mother to her gate and asked airport workers to take the woman​

In other words, they will upset you, and then suspect you for being upset. As the AP reminds, "TSA has tightened security after a Nigerian man was charged with trying to ignite explosives he had hidden in his underwear on a flight to Detroit from Europe on Christmas Day 2009."

At this point, the bad guys aren't sending starters. They're not even sending substitutes. Not even benchwarmers. They're sending farm-leaguers who can't manage to blow up anything except their own balls.

And we are so afraid. A terrorist like that one, no one can replace.

Welcome to America. This is your War Against Terror.
____________________

Notes:

Associated Press. "Elderly woman removes wet diaper so she can finish airport pat-down, nearly misses flight". June 27, 2011. WashingtonPost.com. June 27, 2011. http://www.washingtonpost.com/natio...ver-wet-diaper/2011/06/27/AGfElinH_story.html
 
This is planet Earth

Darwin Award Tragedy
The futility of sacrifice

Via The Daily Mail, a lede that blows the mind and breaks the heart:

A 12-year-old girl killed herself so she could become an organ donor to her father and brother.

But Mumpy Sarkar from Jhorpara village, West Bengal died in vain, because it was not until the day after her traditional cremation that her father found a note on her bed.​

And now ... Duran Duran.
___________________

Notes:

Daily Mail Reporter. "Girl, 12, takes her life so that sick brother could have her kidney and father her eyes". The Daily Mail. July 7, 2011. DailyMail.co.uk. July 8, 2011. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/art...s-dad-kidney-brother-cremated-wish-known.html
 
What did they expect?

The Joys of Parenthood
We'll stop at the lede; it just gets dumber from there

Listening to the 911 tape doesn't help at all. So let's just whip over to WFTV:

A Sumter County couple has been found guilty on all charges in connection to the death of a toddler who was strangled in her crib by a pet python.​

It just gets worse from there.
____________________

Notes:

WFTV. "Couple Found Guilty In Python Kills Toddler Case". July 14, 2011. WFTV.com. July 15, 2011. http://www.wftv.com/news/28544690/detail.html?
 
Bad Press

There Is Such Thing as Bad Press
Abercrombie & Fitch offers to pay MTV, "The Situation" to stop wearing the brand in Jersey Shore

Apparently, there is such thing as bad press in capitalism. And for those wondering just what that threshold is, apparently it has something to do with Michael "The Situation" Sorrentino, of MTV's Jersey Shore.

No, really. The nation's foremost dolt inspired the following real press release last week:

Abercrombie & Fitch Co. (NYSE: ANF) today reported that it has offered compensation to Michael 'The Situation' Sorrentino, a character in MTV's TV show The Jersey Shore to cease wearing A&F products.

A spokesperson for Abercrombie & Fitch commented:

"We are deeply concerned that Mr. Sorrentino's association with our brand could cause significant damage to our image. We understand that the show is for entertainment purposes, but believe this association is contrary to the aspirational nature of our brand, and may be distressing to many of our fans. We have therefore offered a substantial payment to Michael 'The Situation' Sorrentino and the producers of MTV's The Jersey Shore to have the character wear an alternate brand. We have also extended this offer to other members of the cast, and are urgently waiting a response."

Abercrombie & Fitch
Brand Senses Department
(614) 283-6500​

It's kind of like being rejected by a whore because you're just too damn ugly.
____________________

Notes:

Abercrombie & Fitch. "Abercrombie & Fitch Proposes a Win-Win Situation". Thomson Reuters. August 12, 2011. phx.corporate-ir.net. August 18, 2011. http://phx.corporate-ir.net/phoenix.zhtml?c=61701&p=irol-newsArticle&ID=1597274
 
Tiassa said:
Article Source: BBC News
Article Link: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/middle_east/3844441.stm
Article Title: "Iranian woman 'gives birth to frog'"
Article Date: June 27, 2004

BBC Monitoring reports that the Iranian daily Etemaad has covered the story of an Iranian woman who claims to have given birth to a frog. While no explanation for exactly how such a thing could happen has been offered, early speculation suggests that the woman unknowingly acquired the larva while swimming in a dirty pool, and the creature then grew to its adult form inside her body.

However, no odd story is left without its gaspingly bemusing twist. As the BBC puts it:



I'm tempted to ask if anyone has inquired with the French embassy, but I haven't been paying attention whether or not we have any French nationals around Sciforums who might take umbrage at such a slur. Nonetheless, that bit of gutter humor is reflective of the simple fact that I have no idea how to make anything more than a Free Thoughts topic out of this.

Maybe I could invent a conspiracy theory?

Nonetheless, if it's something so absurdly human that you must share, but don't feel the need to make a topic out of it ... bring it on in here. What? It's Free Thoughts. Nobody says you have to offer an opinion or anything substantial. Look at how many words I'm wasting at the end of this post .....
____________________

• BBC News. "Iranian Woman 'gives birth to frog'." June 27, 2004. See http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/middle_east/3844441.stm
Click to expand...

You are so funny and I must step up and defend the french right here on the spot . Why is it people call the french frogs . We got your French Canadian Frog verity rounds hea! It is not nice Me thinks as it is said under the breath of an American Sweed or a Dutchman . What does it really mean ?
 
Food insults

Me-Ki-Gal said:

What does it really mean ?
Click to expand...

Well, according to two minutes' worth of poking around on the internet, I came up with the answer that it is a word originally used by the British to refer to the marsh-dwelling Dutch. Later, when France rose to the station of Britain's chief enemy, the term was applied to the French, in part because of the latter's affinity for frog legs.

What makes this strange story plausible to me, of course, is that apparently the French revenge for this is to call the English rosbif (roast beef).

I will leave it to our British and French neighbors to advise us of reality in this case.

Of course, I can actually imagine people on the west coast of the States calling folks in the Deep South "porkrinds", and the folks in the Deep South calling us "lattes", in return, because "beaners" is already taken.

• • •​

Superstring01 said:

Mmmmmmmmm. The Situation.
Click to expand...

There are so many questions that come to mind. Well, okay, two, and neither of them are decent, so I'll skip them.
 
Tiassa said:
There are so many questions that come to mind. Well, okay, two, and neither of them are decent, so I'll skip them.
Click to expand...

I'm an arms kinda guy (see: my avatar). Really, I can be blinded to a LOT of flaws if the guy has some nice pipes (shoulders, pecs and a glutes also help). And lemme' tell you, The Situation has some NICE arms.

In the highly unlikely event that I should ever find myself in--erm--a situation whereby I'm with--erm--The Situation, I can simply turn the lights off and tape his mouth shut (though, presumably that would exclude several enjoyable activities--which--now that you mention it, I could still do without and enjoy myself nevertheless).

~String
 
Hate and Rodeos

Superstring01 said:

... I can simply turn the lights off and tape his mouth shut (though, presumably that would exclude several enjoyable activities--which--now that you mention it, I could still do without and enjoy myself nevertheless).
Click to expand...

That's enough of an answer for me.

It's funny because, while I'm sure it exists in the community, I've never heard a gay man refer to the H/F. And The Situation's hair is too short for the R/F.

And I just couldn't think of a good way to ask about those things, especially for a cheap chuckle.
 
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