Stupid People Everywhere Middle America? Because there are stupid people everywhere .... Here is a lede you don't expect, courtesy The Jackson Sun: A St. Louis man is facing charges for shooting a friend in the forehead—even though the friend apparently asked him to do it. Yeah, you read that right. News reports suggest that Kevin Beindorff, 21, was allegedly showing Pellegrini a revolver as the two sat together in a car. Pellegrini allegedly asked Beindorff to shoot him. Beindorff allegedly shot Pellegrini point-blank in the forehead, and then drove him to the hospital. Pellegrini died a week ago, after surviving several days on life support. Beindorff now faces second-degree murder charges. ____________________ Notes: "Man asks friend to shoot him". The Jackson Sun. February 23, 2012. JacksonSun.com. March 1, 2012. http://www.jacksonsun.com/article/20120223/NEWS01/120223006/Man-asks-friend-shoot-him See Also: Daily Mail Reporter. "Teen dies after he 'asked his friend to shoot him in the forehead'". Mail Online. February 24, 2012. DailyMail.co.uk. March 1, 2012. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2105920/Teen-dies-asked-friend-shoot-forehead.html
Depends on the Case Depends on the case and jurisdiction; Jack Kevorkian was sentenced for Murder 2 (Michgan); prior to that, George Delury entered a guilty plea to assisting a suicide in 1996 (New York), and John Bement was convicted of Assisted Suicide in 1998 (New York). One Dallas Huston was charged with second degree murder in Nebraska in 2009, though specific details of his statements to police escalated the crime from Assisted Suicide to Murder 2; in May, 2011, Huston was given a sentence of fifty to life.
Not much room for subtlety Jurisdiction, circumstance, prosecutor's prerogative. Consider Nebraska v. Huston, mentioned above. Huston agreed to help his boyfriend commit suicide. They tried using a plastic bag, but the boyfriend removed it before he died. Huston then suffocated him with a pillow. Circumstances indicate a murder charge instead of assisted suicide, according to the prosecutor. Generally speaking, I would agree, though I'm sure if I dug through the trial transcripts I could find some basis to disagree. With the Pellegrini killing, the kid was healthy, known for saying weird things, and had no history of intending to die. To the one, there was no context for framing this as an assisted suicide. To the other, when some goofball tells you to shoot him in the head with the new revolver you're showing off, perhaps you should think carefully before obliging. Maybe it's one of those things that gets lost in translation 'twixt Americans and Australians. There does not seem, in the facts emerging so far, that there is much for subtlety. I mean, Beindorff can try an assisted suicide defense, but I think the main result of that would be to guarantee a maximum sentence upon conviction; ten is the minimum, ten to thirty is the standard range, and life imprisonment is the maximum for Murder 2 in Missouri. If Beindorff tries an assisted suicide defense and fails, he'll get life. As it is, I expect the standard range will satisfy the State, though the prosecutor might try to up the minimum; this wasn't malice, but, rather, criminal idiocy.
Sometimes there are no appropriate words Insert Title Here Because sometimes there are no appropriate words Sad news from just up the road: A Marysville police officer's 7-year-old daughter, who was wounded Saturday afternoon when her sibling fired a gun that was inside their parents' van, died at Harborview Medical Center in Seattle early Sunday, the Snohomish County Sheriff's Office said. "At this time we are all extremely concerned for the well-being of one of our department family members," Marysville Police Chief Rick Smith said in a statement. "Our thoughts and prayers are with him and his family." The shooting happened inside the vehicle near Stanwood City Hall, in the 10200 block of Highway 532. The children's parents were nearby when the gun went off, the Sheriff's Office had said earlier. The Sheriff's Office, which is investigating the shooting at the request of Stanwood police, said Sunday morning that its investigation is continuing and that no further information would be released until early this week. (Seattle Times)____________________ Notes: Seattle Times Staff and Associated Press. "7-year-old daughter of Marysville police officer dies after shooting". The Seattle Times. March 11, 2012. SeattleTimes.NWSource.com. March 12, 2012. http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/localnews/2017727656_childshooting12m.html
Bigamy, the Pierce County Way Today in I Don't Know Where to Begin Er ... um ... yeah That is, to say: The parade of first-world problems continues here in Washington State with news that Alan O'Neill, a Pierce County corrections officer, faces felony bigamy charges after a woman on Facebook discovered that she and a potential new "friend" were both married to him, reports KOMO News. More details come from the Associated Press, which reports that O'Neill (né Fulk) married his first wife in 2001. Then, in 2009, Fulk changed his name to O'Neill and, according to the AP, married his second wife without divorcing his first. This alleged matrimonial doubling down went happily undetected until today, when Facebook suggested wife number 1 make friends with wife number 2 via the "People You May Know" feature. "Wife No. 1 went to wife No. 2's page and saw a picture of her and her husband with a wedding cake," explained Pierce County prosecutor Mark Lindquist to the AP. O'Neill now faces up to a year in jail if convicted but remains free until his court date later this month. "About the only danger he would pose is marrying a third woman," Lindquist gleefully explained. (Cue sad trombone.) No word on whether any wives are now planning divorces. (Madrid) What ... what part of that ...? I mean .... Really? ____________________ Notes: Madrid, Ciena. "Last Days". The Stranger. March 13, 2012. TheStranger.com. March 14, 2012. http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/last-days/Content?oid=13018182
Yes, Really Yes, Really When life imitates slapstick .... There's not really much of a setup for this one, so we'll check in Renee Witt of the Seattle Police Department: On 4-13-12, at approximately 4:45 p.m. officers responded to investigate a shooting. The investigation revealed that an adult male was standing in the 1000 block of S. Cloverdale St possibly talking with several other adult males when he accidentally shot himself once in the groin with a concealed handgun. Seattle Fire Department responded and treated the 31-year-old victim. He was transported to an area hospital with serious injuries. The victim could face possible weapon charges. Look, nobody deserves to get randomly shot, but come on. Or, as Cienna Madrid put it: "What Happens When You Carry Around a Gun Aimed at Your Dick on Friday the 13th. Setting aside the triskaidekaphobia joke, one still wonders at the Rube Goldberg degree of kinetic genius required to shoot oneself in the groin while just standing around and talking to people. ____________________ Notes: Witt, Renee. "Man shoots himself in the groin". SPD Blottter. April 14, 2011. SPDBlotter.Seattle.gov. April 17, 2012. http://spdblotter.seattle.gov/2012/04/14/man-shoots-himself-in-the-groin/ Madrid, Cienna. "What Happens When You Carry Around a Gun Aimed at Your Dick on Friday the 13th". Slog. April 16, 2012. Slog.TheStranger.com. April 17, 2012. http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/ar...d-a-gun-aimed-at-your-dick-on-friday-the-13th
Tragedy and Irony Tragedy and Irony They're great dramatic devices, except when they come true Call it just one of those things: A Brazilian actor has died after accidentally hanging himself while playing Judas in an Easter Passion play. Tiago Klimeck, 27, was enacting the suicide of Judas during the performance on Good Friday in the city of Itarare. The actor was hanging for four minutes before fellow performers realised something was wrong. Klimeck was taken to hospital suffering from cerebral hypoxia but died on Sunday. (BBC) I admit, I'm coming up blank for a punch line. The irony is apparent, but so is the tragedy. Sorry to leave you hanging. ____________________ Notes: British Broadcasting Corporation. "Brazil actor playing Judas dies from accidental hanging". April 23, 2012. BBC.co.uk. April 23, 2012. http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-latin-america-17817352
Natural Selection in Motion? Natural Selection in Motion? What is it with morons and guns? We can always count on David Schmader to bring us this kind of news: WEDNESDAY, JUNE 6 The week continues in Philadelphia, where early this morning an 18-year-old male was engaged in a webcam chat during which one of his chatting partners challenged his manhood. According to the Philadelphia Daily News, the 18-year-old male responded by pointing what he believed was an unloaded gun at himself and pulling the trigger. The gun was loaded, the guy was shot, and he remains hospitalized in "extremely critical condition." But, hey, he proved his manly manhood. Right? (Look, I know it's cruel to make grievously wounded people into punch lines, but this keeps happening. What the hell is it with morons and guns?) ____________________ Notes: Schmader, David. "Last Days". The Stranger. June 12, 2012. TheStranger.com. June 15, 2012. http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/last-days/Content?oid=13913111
I remember reading of an American actor who was goofing around between takes on a set. There was a prop revolver loaded with a 'tissue wad' bullet (gods know why). This actor thought it would be pretty funny to stick it into his mouth and pull the trigger, no doubt think it was safe. Yep, he died. More natural selection in action, I guess.
Lede of the ... er ... um ... Lede of the ... er ... um ... ... right .... Let's go straight to Ana Ley: An apparently suicidal man was hit by a car on U.S. 281 while being chased by a person in a gorilla costume early today, police said. We are apparently to infer that Mr. Gorilla was attempting to prevent the suicide. It's not explicit, but when police caught up with the alleged pursuer at Coco Bongo, a San Antonio nightclub, he apparently explained that the man said he wanted to kill himself before running into the traffic. No charges have been filed. The alleged suicider survived his encounter with an Infiniti, and taken to University Hospital; his injuries are not considered life-threatening. ____________________ Notes: Ley, Ana. "Man chased by ‘gorilla' runs into car on 281". My San Antonio. July 6, 2012. MySanAntonio.com. July 6, 2012. http://www.mysanantonio.com/news/lo...d-by-gorilla-runs-into-car-on-281-3688417.php
Shirtless Groping and Hot Dog Assault Shirtless Groping and Hot Dog Assault Just another day in the Emerald City Jonah Spangenthal-Lee explains: With the help of a parking lot security guard, Seattle police put an end to a soldier's late-night groping and hot dog throwing rampage in downtown Seattle Saturday .... .... When the security guard confronted the man—who was carrying a hot dog in his non-groping hand—the suspect took a swing at the security guard, threw his hot dog at him, shoved the guard, and then fled the parking garage. The guard called 911 and then pointed out the suspect to officers on the street. When officers approached the man, he took off running. When one officer grabbed on to the suspect's shirt, the man ripped his shirt off and kept running toward 3rd Avenue and Pine Street. Officers then took the man into custody after a brief struggle. Following the incident, the man claimed officers had broken one of his arms. He later refused medical attention and recanted his story, before he dared officers to break one of his legs. Officers refused the man's request. Ah ... Seattle! For the record, it is apparently a bad idea to mix rum, tequila, and sleeping pills. To the other, most people don't need to grope women and assault a security guard with a hot dog in order to figure this out. Does the Army still say, "Be all that you can be"? ____________________ Notes: Spangenthal-Lee, Jonah. "Shirtless Soldier Arrested For Groping, Hot Dog Assault Downtown". SPD Blotter. July 16, 2012. SPDBlotter.Seattle.gov. July 17, 2012. http://spdblotter.seattle.gov/2012/...rrested-for-groping-hot-dog-assault-downtown/
Sometimes I Wish There Was A God Sometimes I Wish There Was A God Then I wouldn't feel so weird saying, "Oh, dear God!" Greg McCune brings us the tragic news from Indiana: An Indiana father watching television with his children was accidentally shot to death by his 3-year-old son after the boy found a loaded handgun nearby, police said on Saturday. Michael Payless, 33, was found dead in the southern Indiana town of Salem on Friday night. Payless was watching television with two of his children when the other child, a 3-year-old boy, found the gun. "The child accidentally discharged the loaded handgun ... Michael A. Payless was pronounced dead at the scene," an Indiana state police statement said. No, really. That's gotta be one of the great payoffs of being religious. Phrases like, "Dear Christ!" actually have some meaning. I mean, really. There is something more comforting about the notion of talking to an invisible friend than just reading the lede and saying, "Fuck." ____________________ Notes: McCune, Greg. "Indiana father accidentally shot dead by 3-year-old son". Reuters. July 14, 2012. Reuters.com. July 18, 2012. http://www.reuters.com/article/2012/07/14/us-shooting-indiana-boy-idUSBRE86D0C520120714
Dangerous Incompetence? Dangerous Incompetence? Texas man reaches for wallet, shoots woman and child Sometimes the explanations just don't help: Dallas police said they arrested a man whose gun accidentally went off inside a Walmart store, injuring two other customers. Todd Canady, 23, of Waco had allegedly bolted from the store in the Lake Highlands district Monday night when he was confronted by an off-duty police officer about the shooting, which left a woman and a 5-year-old child wounded .... .... KDFW-TV, Dallas/Fort Worth, said Canady, who has a concealed-weapons permit, was reportedly reaching for his wallet in the checkout line but grabbed the pistol he was carrying instead. The gun went off, wounding Canady in the buttocks. The bullet then hit the floor and sent fragments into the other two victims. (UPI) Yes, really. ____________________ Notes: United Press International. "Texan accidentally fires shot at Walmart". July 24, 2012. UPI.com. July 24, 2012. http://www.upi.com/Top_News/US/2012...lly-fires-shot-at-Walmart/UPI-45371343147222/
La Cucaracha, La Cucaracha, and Something Something Something .... Waiting on the Cause It's too early to score one for the cockroaches Postmortem results are not yet in, but still, it's not the kind of thing that's helpful if you're the kind of person who would organize a cockroach-eating contest: The winner of a cockroach-eating competition died shortly after eating dozens of the live insects and worms in Florida, authorities have said. Edward Archbold, 32, became ill and collapsed at a pet shop where the contest took place in the city of Deerfield Beach on Friday. About 30 others competed in the event at the Ben Siegel Reptile Store. Officials are waiting for the results of an autopsy to determine Archbold's cause of death. (BBC News) Pet shop owner Ben Siegel said he feels "terribly awful", and added that the late Mr. Archbold was "very nice". Also, he noted that Mr. Archbold did not look sick after the competition. "He looked like he just wanted to show off and was very nice." Once in a while, the danger of reading the news via RSS is that this sort of article pops up at the top of your feed. Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! And, well, yeah. You know how it goes. It catches your attention, and you know better than to click the link, but still .... So, anyway, I just read that, and now I'm sharing it with you. And, no. I don't really hate you. ____________________ Notes: British Broadcasting Corporation. "Florida man dies after roach-eating competition". BBC News. October 8, 2012. BBC.co.uk. http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-19879379
A Chilling Tale A Chilling Tale What's wrong with dry ice? Helen Carter brings us the stomach-churning -destroying lede for The Guardian: A teenager has had an emergency operation to remove her stomach after drinking a cocktail laced with liquid nitrogen while celebrating her 18th birthday in a wine bar. I mean, come on ... really? Maybe it's the benefit of growing up in the Seattle area, and getting to see, as a child, Bill Nye playing with liquid nitrogen. Several years ago, we wound up in a Star Trek bar in Vegas while celebrating a friend's master's degree. Some of my friends wanted to try the cosmic cocktails, served in these massive glass globes. An investigation is taking place into the circumstances of how she was given the drink. Once added to alcohol, liquid nitrogen makes the drink appear surrounded by a cloud of white or grey vapour. The fog effect was created by adding a chunk of dry ice to the exotic mixture of alcohol and juices. The waitress instructed everyone at the table: "Don't touch the glass while drinking it. It's cold enough to shatter." To the other, I ate the fish and chips, and paid dearly. Never eat fish and chips when you're that far from the ocean. At any rate, if the drink is cold enough to shatter the glass, maybe you should think twice before drinking. Of course, with cocktails that large, and containing that much alcohol, I don't recall that anyone actually finished their drink. But, you know, I get it. Just don't consume the dry ice. Putting liquid nitrogen in your drink? Fine, then. Cheers to Bill Nye. I didn't have to be told to not drink liquid nitrogen. Even then, I could figure that one out myself. Gaby Scanlon, from Heysham, Lancashire, was with friends at Oscar's wine bar in Lancaster city centre when she began to feel ill, becoming breathless and developing severe stomach pain. She was taken to hospital at 11pm on Thursday, where she was diagnosed with a perforated stomach. Surgeons operated immediately to save her life. Lancashire police said: "Medical opinion is that this would have proved fatal had the operation not been carried out urgently." She is now in a serious but stable condition in the Lancaster Royal Infirmary .... .... In a statement, Oscar's wine bar said it was "tremendously concerned" about Gaby and sent its best wishes to her family. Last month, the bar posted a photograph on its Facebook page of a cocktail which contained liquid nitrogen. It was sold for £8.95, containing champagne. Ms. Scanlon, as of yesterday, was listed in serious but stable condition. Police noted that the bar is cooperating with the investigation and stopped selling the drinks after they became aware of the problem. Meanwhile, it seems that this liquid nitrogen idea has become something of a trend. The substance boils around 77 K (-196 °C; -321 °F). As The Guardian noted, "It can cause severe internal damage if it is ingested." Who wants some? No, really. "It can cause severe internal damage if it is ingested"? I cannot recall that I ever needed to hear this warning. It seemed rather quite obvious to me. But, hey, maybe I'm just weird. To the other, I don't mean to be a cold bastard. Best wishes to Ms. Scanlon. But it's true: I just don't get it. Why? ____________________ Notes: Carter, Helen. "Teenager has stomach removed after drinking liquid nitrogen cocktail". The Guardian. October 8, 2012. Guardian.co.uk. October 9, 2012. http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2012/oct/08/teenager-stomach-liquid-nitrogen-cocktail
No jokes left to make Pigbucked There Is No Longer Any Room for Joking Here "The sirens were going really loud and fast" The update sucks Update, Oct. 23, 2012; 14.10 PDT: Koua Vang, 28, has died. The linked article was updated to reflect this tragic outcome shortly after this post. All of thirteen minutes, according to the time stamps. Condolences to the Vang family, as well as my apologies for the appearance of insensitivity. I only got the update today, from another website whose latest weekly print edition is just now hitting the stands. Right. Derek Shore for KMAX: It started as a pig slaughter and ended with a man getting shot in the face by his older brother. And things just go downhill from there: Police say the brothers were trying to slaughter the pig for a party, but instead of enjoying that family party, the family is gathering to support each other as they pray for their loved one. "The sirens were going really loud and fast," neighbor Maryann Cima said. Neighbors wouldn't have ever guessed what officers say happened at the rural Elk Grove home in the 8400 block of Kinder Lane. "It's very sad," said one family member. This family member didn't want to appear on camera, but says the family had been planning a family feast. "A lot of family and cousins and relatives get together," he said. And keeps going: In order to prepare, two brothers at the home woke up early Saturday morning to slaughter one of their pigs, say police. The older brother had the .22 caliber rifle, while his younger brother, a man in his late 20s, stood by. When the older brother put the gun to the pig and fired, police say the pig bucked back. "The pig bucked, and the rifle went backwards, and it went off again a second time," said Officer Chris Trim. The second shot would hit the younger brother directly in the face. And going. Police say the evidence checks out with the story of an accidental shooting. No word on what happened to the pig. No, really, apparently nobody could comment on whether the pig survived the episode or died after the first shot. ____________________ Notes: Shore, Derek. "Man In Critical Condition After Being Shot Trying To Slaughter Pig". KMAX. October 13, 2012. Sacramento.CBSlocal.com. October 16, 2012. http://sacramento.cbslocal.com/2012...ion-after-being-shot-trying-to-slaughter-pig/
