M.P.: There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.
A.W: Chuck Norris can do 0-60 in 3 seconds!
M.P.: If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
A.W:Chuck Norris can get a hard - on when he clicks his fingers
M.P.: Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
M.P.: Chuck norris can wheelie a uni-cycle
M.P.: Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
A.W: Chuck Norris can kill! Just from his stare.
A.W: Chuck Norris can train his nuts off in the snow all day bare top
M.P.: Chuck Norris likes long walks on the beach, Barry White music, Harlequin romance novels, songbirds, rainbows, and quiet time with his lady…just before he roundhouse kicks her in the face.
M.P.: Hair does not grow on chucks balls . . . because hair can not grow on steel!!
M.P.: Chuck Norris once won a staring contest against stevie wonder and ray charles at the same time!
A.W: Chuck norris can support 3 grown men and still afford to go and sex ventures to Thailand
M.P.: Chuck norris once lost both legs in a car crash and still managed to walk it off!
A.W: Chuck Norris doesnt walk over hot coals, he stands on them
M.P.: Chuck Norris doesn't look both ways before he crosses the street... he just roundhouses any cars that get too close.
A.W: Superman has Chucks number in his pocket incase he's in trouble
M.P.: There is no chin under Chuck Norris' Beard. There is only another fist.
A.W: All Chuck Norris has to do is brush past his wife on the stairs to get her pregnant
M.P.: There is no such thing as a lesbian, just a woman who has never met Chuck Norris.
A.W: Chuck likes molten lava on his beef and rice. Nothing less
M.P.: Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
M.P.: Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
M.P: Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
M.P: I have no idea what your asking me about mate. . . . . .where is your mobile been trying to call you!
P.N: Chuck Norris' girlfried asked him to dishes once. He threw the dishes in the bin and told her she was fat.
M.P: Chuck norris once shot a german plane down with his finger by pointing at it and shouting bang!!
A.N:The Airforce has inquired about hiring Chuck for one of their new aircraft carriers. It's smaller than the other carriers and has no runway, every time they want a jet to take off they intend to ask Chuck to launch it with a roundhouse. (If it proves successful, NASA is interested if they can get him to work for him too)
A.N: C.E.R.N. has hired Chuck Norris to start the Large Hadron Collider, This is a precautionary measure, as in the event a Blackhole should form and threaten to swallow the entire planet, Chuck will roundhouse it back to oblivion.
