I have decided to join the ship

I will not be among you anymore come May 21st of this year. Bad divorce turned naughty, and my inability to play dirty anymore.

I have changed a great deal since the breakup into a different man, but the skeletons and the guilt I cannot bear.

So thank you all-

 

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Okay...so what are you planning on doing with yourself?

BTW...PMing me is fine.

Just apropos of nothing...as someone who thinks of suicide often (Like, yesterday, just idly...) someone once pointed out that it's not like it's ever too late to off yourself.

One can keep trying for a long time before one runs out of options less permanent than offing oneself.

And even though the pain feels (often, to me anyway) rather like getting my heart ripped out of my chest on some level, it passes.

(It's quitting time soon though, you may not catch me tonight...if not, then I'll check back tomorrow.)

 

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You can only do so much as a human and I have done more than that.

Was just told in black and white what a piece of shit I am and have been for the past 20 years in no uncertain terms.

The only honorable response is an exit; an end to suffering.

The method- I might go nuts cutting artieries (know where they all are) but it's more ironic that I overdose- the pills that keep me straight in large quantities are lethal.

Of course liberal amounts of alcohol will supplement the pills.

Not playing games. I am fed up on what little if anything reality has to offer-

 

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No , don't , your not a piece of shit . It is the sign of the times that make you feel like it is . Meet some new people . Join a social group in your city . There are lots of people that can understand your pain and will support you for who you are . One disgruntled person don't know . Just by the language you posted here I can tell your not a piece of shit . You are a human being with a right to your own life the way you want to live it .
O.K. I am going to pray right now you change your mind . Bare with Me . . O. K. i did it .

 

Why May 21. That is the Harold's Camp dooms day date ?

 

I didn't think you were playing games. No.

I just think you're devastated right now, loathing yourself, and that you're not in your rational mind.
I know when I get like this, I'm not.

Divorces can be terrifically nasty things...and after twenty years...Yes, you must be devastated, unimaginably so.

But a relationship is always two ways...making it work, keeping it together, is a two-party job...and sometimes, even when both of you do your very best, it doesn't work.

I am going to use your own words against you: here you are stating you have done the best you could.

That's the non-insane part of you talking. Listen to that guy.

I am going to echo him: you did your best

So this guilt...you don't deserve it. It's compounding the pain needlessly. That pain's unavoidable. But the guilt is probably mostly unearned.

I have to get ready to leave work now. I hope you'll still be practicing your oxy habit when I get home in an hour . I have to stop for dogfood.

 

sounds like they hate you. are you going to actually believe someone that hates you?

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you might not believe this but you WILL fall in love again, maybe even more passionately than this time. the best part? it hurts less and less.
if only you could see that extra mile . . .
faith and patience are your best allies.

what kind of nonsense is this? don't have the god damned balls to suck it up?
i've been hurt so bad i BEGGED the ER staff to give me electroshock treatments. i went without food for so long i passed out when i stood up. but you know what? i stuck it. i sucked it up, and now i am laughing my balls off knowing that stupid bitch is 1000 miles from here and wants to come home. hahahahahaha, lol, lol, lol

 

get a Gary Moore C.D. and wear the sucker out if you like music . Very therapeutic Music . "I believe in you" is a song by " Black Dove " you might like it and maybe just maybe it will help you think better days .

 

A very emotional mixture, I'm sure. I would sit on it for awhile before doing anything harmful. Time can cure a lot of pain.

 

Alright, you've logged out, I'm going to sleep...

Remember this: There's no rush on this. Give things time.

Remember also, this pain is temporary.

It's likely to be the worst emotional pain you may ever feel in your life. Still temporary.

I do not blame you or think badly of you for wanting to die...(I understand that one too well, thanks...)

Too, you're probably blaming yourself for far more than you deserve. We depressive people do that. And the thing is, it seems so right so perfectly justified. We are the feces on the sole of the shoe of the world.

Recently I said to someone who talked about a depressive episode: "But only I deserve to feel that bad!".

You did your best, and it didn't work out. This is terrifically sad.
But you don't deserve to be your own executioner. At worst, your sins are far too petty for that.

I would like you to get to a professional counselor ASAP. Please. Give the counselor six months.

At this point I've done the best I can tonight to try to convince you you're both worth caring for; and not currently in a sane enough state to be making life and death decisions about yourself.

I hope I get to continue this conversation with you.

 

Take my word for it. No relationship is much better than staying in a bad relationship. Anyway it sounds like you were abused and that's never a good thing for a man's ego. Give yourself a break and find out what it feels like to live without someone putting you down all the time.

 

I notice this thread started after midnight EST on April FIRST.....

Just sayin....

 

That was my first thought too but jmpet is usually not someone who jokes like that

DON"T DO IT JMPET!!:bawl:

 

And now you can start doing things for yourself instead of others.
It gets easier.
It may be a long road but it does get better.

 

What ship is this about. Titanic?

 

Jmpet. Ive been in a similar place to you. Divorced, suicidal. I nearly succeeded too, I put myself in hospital for ages. In hindsight I realised that I'd taken to heart too much of what other people thought, and blamed myself, and it had gotten me so very low. But in the end I realised that I'd done everything I could to make it work, and that it was just one (though large) part of my life. Things we care about have a way of slipping away from us, jobs, people, homes. But none of it is worth dying over. None of it. You are going through change, and change changes us to a degree. But even the worst things teach us more about who we really are. It makes us better people. Please feel free to pm me, I'd be glad to help if I can.

 

It don't matter if it is an April fools joke . Even if it is it is still a cry in the wilderness. I think things you read on a screen can make a difference . Humanity as a whole needs a swift kick in the ass and my boot is big and anxious . Paco's Bill Big . So get in line everybody for your boot kicking.

I understand distress , been there done that doing it tomorrow. S.O.S. signals don't have to be in Morris-code.
Hey maybe a new law is developing . Morris law . Like Murphy law "don't f---ck with Murphy" It could be "Boot kicking Morris code and Me and You will do it"