We crowded into the sunlit glen. "What are they doing over there,
anyway?" Unseen over the next ridge, George and Elwrong were
occupied in a top-secret ritual with their multitude.
"Dynatology, Elwrong calls it."
"Expensive brainwashing, I calls it."
"And if you can't keep up your dues, they sack you in the
dungeon, just for an example."
"They're obsessed with a bloke named Wenu, some bad-guy alien who
came to Earth centuries ago, whose long-dead body is supposedly
clouding all our minds."
"Anybody who doesn't give them money has got to be cloudy in the
mind, they say."
Laughter all around.
"Let's have a look, shall we?" I offered, placing the crystal
sphere on a wooden stand at the center of the crowd.
Slowly as we watched, the image materialized, and all around the
people fell silent as the refracted projection of the scene next
door appeared, miniature, in three dimensions.
Elwrong stood at the focus of the amphitheatre, presiding over
the ritual, attended by the obsequious throng of followers. King
George sat behind, beneath his ridiculous flag, eyes half-closed,
nose condescendingly in the air, with an expression of mindless
bemusement. A few other flags with George's coat of arms were
waving from within the crowd.
They had erected a hideous jewel-encrusted solid-gold flying-
saucer altar that winked and glinted, lid open, in the sunlight
now before us.
"It's was made up of melted-down jewelry and chalices and so on
contributed by the brainwashed throng, plus miscellaneous
valuables plundered from the Royal treasure chamber," Gwen
explained.
There was a sickening predictability to the way Elwrong played
the crowd. One could see how her overacted dramatic presence
magnetized a certain kind of individual, a pretentious attitude
of superiority and pomp which sucked in those of weak will, those
looking for something to believe in, or more insidiously, those
of open mind who weren't knowledgeable enough to dispute her
ridiculous cosmology.
She was leading them all in some sort of light trance
visualization, and they all stood, mostly with eyes closed,
swaying, arms in the air waving like fronds reaching up into the
breeze, holding purses, money-satchels, gems and trinkets.
"Feel the waves of cloudiness radiating from your gemstones! How
the waves of ancient wickedness from the galaxy of Wenu weighs
down your thoughts! Feel the evil in your wicked gold, the
scurrilous remains of the body of the terrible ancient Wenu, how
it seeks to confuse our minds!
"Oh, foul and wicked Wenu, we banish you from our existence!"
And all at once, her followers fell into line before the giant
golden flying saucer, one by one stepping up the baroquely ornate
golden staircase with latticed railings, each depositing his or
her evil item into its interior.
This procedure took some time, during all of which the church-
organ music in the background swelled with a trite hymn melody of
the sort that had an annoying tendency to get stuck in one's head
when one wished it would go away.
One of the devotees was carrying an unusually weighty load of
gold, and Elwrong stopped him before he reached the top of the
steps. "Why, Tom Bruise, I salute your excellent practice of our
methods of clearing. I believe you're about to reach Operating
Cretin Level Sixteen!"
Mr. Bruise smiled sheepishly and nodded, depositing his heavy
load of gemstones and gold into the giant UFO.
The crowd continued to file by, and the Golden UFO grew
progressively more heavily laden with slinking chains and
clinking coins.
One woman in a threadbare dress only had a single small coin to
toss into the gaping chasm, an act which she carried out with
solemnity and reverence.
Elwrong halted her as she walked away. "Miss McCullough."
"Yes?"
"I notice you haven't been keeping up with your dues."
Her expression filled with anger. "It's the best I can do! The
children have got to eat, you know!"
Elwrong snarled. "Flimsy excuse." She gestured at an empty,
mysteriously phlegmatic empty space beside her, and a dreadful
brutish growling combined with a slobbery sucking sound.
"No!" shouted the woman in the threadbare dress as the crowd
parted to make way for her being dragged off by unseen forces.
Gwen shuddered beside us. "Invisible slime monster. The poor
woman's off to the dungeon, for sure." Elwrong's crowd seemed to
derive deviant delight from seeing the suffering of another.
When the faithful had all finally processed through, Elwrong
waved her wand, the saucer-lid shut, and a dramatically sparkling
tendril encircled the craft, which then levitated several feet in
the air, where it wobbled erratically. I was amused by the
bumbling incompetence with which she cast the spell.
"Clear!" She shouted to the skies. "Clear! We are now clear of
the evil alien mind-waves! We have now cleared out our minds!"
"Wallets." corrected Gwen under her breath.
The organ music swelled, and the clarified crowd commenced to
chant:
Our battered brains are now made pure and clear
as water from the springs of earth so dear
and gladdened tidings hail from everywhere
that banish'd Wenu is, we now declare!
"That's about as much as I can take, I said. "Anyone for a change
of program?"
to be continued. . .