The Most Offensive Jokes Ever!!!

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Natasha Collins and Mark Speight really were the perfect couple....

One was steaming hot, the other was well hung!
bad jokes

Im sure these jokes have been said by know however I get a kick out of em

Q: What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
A: Nothing, you’ve already told her twice.

Q: Whats black and blue and hates sex?
A: A rape victim
A mans cupping his hand to scoop water from a highland burn in scotland. The gamekeeper shouts "Dinnae drink thon waater its foo o coo's shite an pish. Man replies " My good fellow i am english could you repeat that in english" Game keeper replies i said use both hands you get more that way.

An english man and a scots man get one wish each from a genie. The englishman goes first and wishes the genie to build a 50ft wall all around england to keep the scots out. Your wish is granted says the genie. The genie then asks the scotsman what he wishes for and the scotsman replies "can you fill that in with water"
Why did the Polish attempt to climb mount everest fail?

Coz they ran out of scaffolding

Woman walks into a shop and buys 1 egg, 1 bottle of milk and 1 sausage, the shopkeeper asks - "you're single, arent you?" "yes" She replies "how could you tell?" "You're an Ugly cunt!!"
Austrian Jozef Fritzl is writing a new book. Critics are doubting though, whether it will be a best cellar.
I have just bought an austrian womens diary off e-bay.
Monday - stayed in
Tuesday - stayed in
Wednesday - stayed in
Thursday - stayed in
Friday - stayed in
Saturday - stayed in
Sunday - stayed in
When an austrian father was asked what he thought the best way to teach sex education to children was he said its best to keep them in the dark.
I read that diary. It was alright but the ending was a little rushed.
What do you get when you cross a nigger with a gorilla?

A really stupid gorilla
Magically Offensive

Q: Whats the difference between a jew and a pizza?

A: A pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the oven!
Q: Why don't you run over a nig*ger on a bike

A: Because It might be your bike!
Q: What does Michael Jackson and Caviar have in common?

A: They both cum on little white crackers
Q: How many men does it take to open a bottle of beer?

A: None, it should be open when she brings it to you
Q: What do Blacks and apples have in common?

A: They both look good hanging on trees
Q: What's the difference between a Mexican and a pizza?

A: A pizza can feed a family of four
Q: What do you call a white man surrounded by a bunch of native americans?

A: A Bartender
Q: How do you make a woman cum?

A: Who cares!
Q: You wake up in the middle of the night and see your TV floating, what do you do?

A: Yell, "Drop it Nig*ger!"
Q: Why don't women need watches?

A: There's a clock on the stove
Q: What's the difference between a straight Italian and a gay Italian?

A: About 4 beers!
(Italian can be substituted for any nationality)

*All jokes are intended for positive humor among friends* *All jokes are void outside the state of New Mexico, USA*
Oh, one more and it's really fucked up!
Q: How do you make a little girl cry for the second time?

A: Wipe your bloody dick on her teddy bear!
What do you call a father who left his daughter in a cellar and raped her every week, whilst telling the world she was missing?

Gerry McCann
Now this is a story all about how my
Life got flipped turned upside down
And I'd like to take a minute just sit right there
I'll tell you how I become the prince of my house's Cellair

In west Austria born and raised
******* my daughter is where I spent most of my days
Chillin' out, maxin', relaxin', all cool
and building incest dungeons underneath my pool
I took three kids out cuz they were all good
told my wife they were just children from the neighborhood.
I ****** just one of my daughters the police got scared
But they don't know the pin-code to my daughter's Cellair.

They called the partyvan and when it got near
The license plate said "AUSTRIA" and it had dice in the mirror
"you crazy" they said, "those ideas in your head are rare,"
I said, "cool homes, it's rape time, home, to Cellair!"

She crawled out the house after 7 offspring
And she yelled to the cops "Yo, I can't speak German!"
But I'm still pimping, I got three more lairs,
so come and party with me, in my second Cellair.
An Austrian jounalist asked a neighbour how long he had known josef Fritzels daughter alice. "Alice?" he replied " who the fuck is alice, u mean for 24 years iv been living next door to alice!"
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