Stupidest Question
- Thread starter Orleander
- Start date
me and my son at doctors office in the waiting room:
man: hello, what are you doing here?
son: i need to see the dr
man: oh, are you sick?
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NO SHIT SHERLOCK
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me calling 999 when my son went missing:
operator: hello 999 what service do you require, police, fire, or other?
me: police please (hysterical)
operator: ok putting you through now>
me: hurry up!!! (hysterical)
operator: is it an emergency?
man: hello, what are you doing here?
son: i need to see the dr
man: oh, are you sick?
------------------------
NO SHIT SHERLOCK
------------------
me calling 999 when my son went missing:
operator: hello 999 what service do you require, police, fire, or other?
me: police please (hysterical)
operator: ok putting you through now>
me: hurry up!!! (hysterical)
operator: is it an emergency?
i need an emergency appointment at my doc's:
reception: hello kingsway surgery, how may i help you.
me; i need to make an emergency appointment to see the doc please.
reception: ok what is the problem?
me: i have just ripped my hysterectomy stitches open.
reception: ok, we have an appoint with dr Elk, in 2 weeks!!
me: but my stitches are ripped open now, not in 2 weeks
reception: but that isnt an ermergency
reception: hello kingsway surgery, how may i help you.
me; i need to make an emergency appointment to see the doc please.
reception: ok what is the problem?
me: i have just ripped my hysterectomy stitches open.
reception: ok, we have an appoint with dr Elk, in 2 weeks!!
me: but my stitches are ripped open now, not in 2 weeks
reception: but that isnt an ermergency
I remember a few times on car journeys my mum would be map reading with my dad driving and they'd start the usual arguement about which route to take. Usually getting to the point of;
Dad - "so how do we get there"
Mum - "what, from here?"
No from Birmingham
.
Dad - "so how do we get there"
Mum - "what, from here?"
No from Birmingham
.I went for breakfast in the works canteen once:
"3 slices of jam on toast please"
Five minutes later the woman came back:
"Do you want it toasted?"
Five minutes later:
"Do you want jam on it?"
Five minutes after that:
"How many slices?"
I should have asked for cornflakes...
Or the time a friend and I were in the dinner queue at university, stood in front of the soup tureen, with a soup spoon and soup bowl in our hands, and he said to the woman behind the counter (who had a soup ladle in her hand); "loop-de-loop, please"
Her question: "What's loop-de-loop?" was answered by me,
"Hull rhyming slang for fish and chips, want else could it be?"
Or when I go to the doctor and he says "what's wrong with you?"
"How the hell should I know, I'm an engineer, you're the one that went through medical school" OTOH, he is used to my sense of humour.
The last time I was ill it was with a stone in my appendix and his only comfort (since it was at the time inoperable) was "Don't worry, you won't die".
He nearly fell over when I said "Don't be bloody stupid, everyone does".
"3 slices of jam on toast please"
Five minutes later the woman came back:
"Do you want it toasted?"
Five minutes later:
"Do you want jam on it?"
Five minutes after that:
"How many slices?"
I should have asked for cornflakes...
Or the time a friend and I were in the dinner queue at university, stood in front of the soup tureen, with a soup spoon and soup bowl in our hands, and he said to the woman behind the counter (who had a soup ladle in her hand); "loop-de-loop, please"
Her question: "What's loop-de-loop?" was answered by me,
"Hull rhyming slang for fish and chips, want else could it be?"
Or when I go to the doctor and he says "what's wrong with you?"
"How the hell should I know, I'm an engineer, you're the one that went through medical school" OTOH, he is used to my sense of humour.
The last time I was ill it was with a stone in my appendix and his only comfort (since it was at the time inoperable) was "Don't worry, you won't die".
He nearly fell over when I said "Don't be bloody stupid, everyone does".
Maybe not precisely a question, but:
There's me, about five of my friends and my boyfriend, and we're watching the Cronenberg version of the Fly. Late on, the girl is pregnent with some mutant demon spawn and she's crying to her ex-boyfriend:
Me: "Oh just have an abortion, you numb slut"
Boyfriend: "Huh, when was this movie made?"
Me: "Mid-80s or so, I think"
Boyfriend: "Well wasn't that after Kramer vs. Kramer?"
Everyone: "Huh?"
Friend Nick: "Do you mean Roe vs. Wade?"
Maybe you had to be there. Other Kodak moments: I'm sitting on the couch with my goth friend Thomas and the girl he was screwing at the time, and we're watching Queen of the Damned (this was right after it came out)
Midway through the movie the vampires are flying around and attacking some singer dude, she turns around and says:
"I don't think vampires can really do that, do you?"
Oh! Or we're watching The Thing (Carpenter's remake, released in 1982), and there's me, my boyfriend and some friends of mine.
Friend Britnee: "Why don't they just call for help?"
Friend Josh: "Um, well they kinda.....can't. They're in the middle of Antarctica"
Friend Britnee, visibly annoyed at his stupidity: "So what? They have cell phones, don't they?!"
There's me, about five of my friends and my boyfriend, and we're watching the Cronenberg version of the Fly. Late on, the girl is pregnent with some mutant demon spawn and she's crying to her ex-boyfriend:
Me: "Oh just have an abortion, you numb slut"
Boyfriend: "Huh, when was this movie made?"
Me: "Mid-80s or so, I think"
Boyfriend: "Well wasn't that after Kramer vs. Kramer?"
Everyone: "Huh?"
Friend Nick: "Do you mean Roe vs. Wade?"
Maybe you had to be there. Other Kodak moments: I'm sitting on the couch with my goth friend Thomas and the girl he was screwing at the time, and we're watching Queen of the Damned (this was right after it came out)
Midway through the movie the vampires are flying around and attacking some singer dude, she turns around and says:
"I don't think vampires can really do that, do you?"
Oh! Or we're watching The Thing (Carpenter's remake, released in 1982), and there's me, my boyfriend and some friends of mine.
Friend Britnee: "Why don't they just call for help?"
Friend Josh: "Um, well they kinda.....can't. They're in the middle of Antarctica"
Friend Britnee, visibly annoyed at his stupidity: "So what? They have cell phones, don't they?!"
I don't know, but if you search through lixluke (aka coolskill) and nicholas1m7's posts, you're bound to find a few gems.
today:
me to my son: JJ can you open the conservatory window please hun?
son: yes mum, (he walks into the conservatory), mum which window did you want me to open?
me: the only window in there
me to my son: JJ can you open the conservatory window please hun?
son: yes mum, (he walks into the conservatory), mum which window did you want me to open?
me: the only window in there
ROFLMAO :roflmao:
Stupidest question, AND stupidest answer... all in one!
Sciencelovah
Registered Senior Member
my late grandma (sat on the couch watching TV) vs me (under big table in the kitchen)
grandma: what are you doing there?
me: looking for my earring
grandma: try to look here, maybe u can find it
me: no, i drop it somewhere here
grandma: ya, but over there is dark
grandma: what are you doing there?
me: looking for my earring
grandma: try to look here, maybe u can find it
me: no, i drop it somewhere here
grandma: ya, but over there is dark
Sciencelovah
Registered Senior Member
Its not stupid question, but stupid session with my hydrology professor.
me: why is the profile of sunlight penetration in each lakes different like that?
(I meant what different pollutant are there insides each lakes)
Prof: it because of the different type of sunlights
*class in silent*
me: how many type of sunlights are there?
Prof: ....I dont know, actually I just copy paste this curve from
internet. But dont worry, we dont have to know everything!
me: why is the profile of sunlight penetration in each lakes different like that?
(I meant what different pollutant are there insides each lakes)
Prof: it because of the different type of sunlights
*class in silent*
me: how many type of sunlights are there?
Prof: ....I dont know, actually I just copy paste this curve from
internet. But dont worry, we dont have to know everything!
Sciencelovah
Registered Senior Member
Another session with the same stupid Professor (dont ask me how
he got his title).
My class consists of people with different backgrounds (major studies),
so many of us dont have any idea on some basic understanding.
A student: I actually dont understand yet, although I heard already
many times when I watched TV, when people say precipitation (rainfall)
rate is 1000 mm, what is the meaning? And as it is rate, what is the time
frame, is it per hour? per day? per year?
The Prof.: It means the height of rainfall is 1000 mm = 1 m, and it is per year.
*silent*
The student: I still dont get it. Maybe you could explain how is the
method to measure the height?
The Prof.: That is not difficult.. I can give you some literatures if you are
interested, but I must say, I will not ask that one in exam.... *smiling*
Me (can't help myself): If one says precipitation rate is 1000 mm/year,
is that mean high, low, or somewhat average?
The Prof: 1000 mm means 1 m, you see, I am about 1.8 m, so it is low!
We reported him to the head of institute.
he got his title).
My class consists of people with different backgrounds (major studies),
so many of us dont have any idea on some basic understanding.
A student: I actually dont understand yet, although I heard already
many times when I watched TV, when people say precipitation (rainfall)
rate is 1000 mm, what is the meaning? And as it is rate, what is the time
frame, is it per hour? per day? per year?
The Prof.: It means the height of rainfall is 1000 mm = 1 m, and it is per year.
*silent*
The student: I still dont get it. Maybe you could explain how is the
method to measure the height?
The Prof.: That is not difficult.. I can give you some literatures if you are
interested, but I must say, I will not ask that one in exam.... *smiling*
Me (can't help myself): If one says precipitation rate is 1000 mm/year,
is that mean high, low, or somewhat average?
The Prof: 1000 mm means 1 m, you see, I am about 1.8 m, so it is low!
We reported him to the head of institute.
Sciencelovah
Registered Senior Member
I got some more...
Conversation between my cousins, A & B, each @ 5 years old.
A: move along, its my chair
B: no, i come first, so I got the chair
A: but this is mine
B: no, this isnt yours, did u make it?
A: no, but you also did not make it, it is made by God!
B: no, it is made by people
A: but who made people? people made by God, I bet u dont know!
B: no, I am made by mum
A: you will go to hell
B: and you? you will go to heaven? do you know the way?!
A: *staring at me* who made this chair?
Conversation between my cousins, A & B, each @ 5 years old.
A: move along, its my chair
B: no, i come first, so I got the chair
A: but this is mine
B: no, this isnt yours, did u make it?
A: no, but you also did not make it, it is made by God!
B: no, it is made by people
A: but who made people? people made by God, I bet u dont know!
B: no, I am made by mum
A: you will go to hell
B: and you? you will go to heaven? do you know the way?!
A: *staring at me* who made this chair?
Sciencelovah
Registered Senior Member
I realized that I am somewhat stupid, but never really realize until
this point where I invited my friend for dinner. Its kinda circular
conversation like in the other thread, only this time the PERSON A is me.
my friend: *eats*.. hum, yummy.. what is it?
me: its just rindfleisch (beef).
my friend: *stop eating* .. u know that I am a Hindu, dont u?
me: yes. So?
my friend: so I can't eat beef.
me: but why not?
my friend: didnt I tell u that in my religion buffalo are holy?
me: yes. So?
my friend: so I can't eat beef
me: but why not??
my friend: If a buffalo is holy then how can I eat beef??
me: but I do not cook u buffalo, I cook beef!
my friend: so? its the same!!
me: what do u mean the same? are buffalo and beef not different animal?
What can I say, I swear I didnt know it before.
------------------------------------------------------
Conversation with the same friend. Its not that I dont know
astronomy but sometimes my mind just dont 'click'.
One day me and my friend sit on the bank of a river while watching
the sky.
me: hey, there is no star up there. Do you think its cloudy and going
to be rain soon?
him: dont u know that we cannot see stars from Europe?
me: r u saying that people in Europe can never look into the star directly?
him: :truce:
this point where I invited my friend for dinner. Its kinda circular
conversation like in the other thread, only this time the PERSON A is me.
my friend: *eats*.. hum, yummy.. what is it?
me: its just rindfleisch (beef).
my friend: *stop eating* .. u know that I am a Hindu, dont u?
me: yes. So?
my friend: so I can't eat beef.
me: but why not?
my friend: didnt I tell u that in my religion buffalo are holy?
me: yes. So?
my friend: so I can't eat beef
me: but why not??
my friend: If a buffalo is holy then how can I eat beef??
me: but I do not cook u buffalo, I cook beef!
my friend: so? its the same!!
me: what do u mean the same? are buffalo and beef not different animal?
What can I say, I swear I didnt know it before.
------------------------------------------------------
Conversation with the same friend. Its not that I dont know
astronomy but sometimes my mind just dont 'click'.
One day me and my friend sit on the bank of a river while watching
the sky.
me: hey, there is no star up there. Do you think its cloudy and going
to be rain soon?
him: dont u know that we cannot see stars from Europe?
me: r u saying that people in Europe can never look into the star directly?
him: :truce:
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Sciencelovah
Registered Senior Member
Sorry if this makes you ppl bored, I am just suddenly in the mood to
write all these.
This one happened last year when I firstly used ICE (Inter-City Express)
from Germany to Netherland. On the way back to Germany, inside the train:
the controller: blablablabla?
me: sorry, my German is not good yet, can u speak in English?
the controller: a little bit. Do you realize that you travel with the wrong train?
me: No, I dont. Is it not to Koeln?
the controller: It is. But you depart at wrong time *showing my ticket back to me*
me: No, I am not. Its the right day.
the controller: yes, but you depart 5 hours earlier. *he looked try hard to be patient*
me: OH.. yes! My friend said today there is a carnaval in Koeln, so I decided
to come back earlier.
the controller: Well, this is not allowed. You will have to pay EUR 100 pinalty.
*taking out paper from his pocket*
me: I really dont know and I dont have EUR 100. May I offer you some chocolate??
the kontrollier was laugh so loud and so some people in the train.
write all these.
This one happened last year when I firstly used ICE (Inter-City Express)
from Germany to Netherland. On the way back to Germany, inside the train:
the controller: blablablabla?
me: sorry, my German is not good yet, can u speak in English?
the controller: a little bit. Do you realize that you travel with the wrong train?
me: No, I dont. Is it not to Koeln?
the controller: It is. But you depart at wrong time *showing my ticket back to me*
me: No, I am not. Its the right day.
the controller: yes, but you depart 5 hours earlier. *he looked try hard to be patient*
me: OH.. yes! My friend said today there is a carnaval in Koeln, so I decided
to come back earlier.
the controller: Well, this is not allowed. You will have to pay EUR 100 pinalty.
*taking out paper from his pocket*
me:
I really dont know and I dont have EUR 100. May I offer you some chocolate??the kontrollier was laugh so loud and so some people in the train.
Sciencelovah
Registered Senior Member
The more I think of it, the more I realized that there are so many stupid
question I have ever asked.
At the end of October last year, I sit for exam. Its an exam in my first winter.
I did not know that every year they change the clock twice a year. Means,
when entering the winter, in the whole country, people here adjust the clock
1 hour later, and then when entering spring, they fasten the clock 1 hour back.
On that day, I had exam at 5 PM. I arrived at 5 PM (due to my watch), but
found nobody there yet. Panic, I run around, then find one classmate in
cafetaria.
me: hey, arent we supposed to have exam now?
my classmate: no, still 1 more hour later.
me: really? I thought on the schedule it was 5 PM.
my classmate: yes it is.
me: then?? do they postpone it?
my classmate: yes. Dont u know today they postpone the clock one hour?
(I dont get that, I thought he means they postpone the exam one more hour).
me: oh, super! In fact, I havent finish study yet.
One hour later, in the exam room. The exam supervisor write down on the
board, with big fonts: BIS 8 PM. I looked at my watch, 6 PM.
2 hours later... looking around... nobody leaves the room.. continue writing...
10 minutes after that, still nobody leaves the room.... started to feel worry..
5 minutes later, I approached the supervisor.
me: (whisper) Umm.. Andreas.. till when is exam time?
Andreas: *Pointing to the board* 8 PM (whisper back).
me: Umm... its not time to stop yet?
Andreas: (check his watch) u still have 45 minutes *wink*
me: Oh really? how generous of you!
question I have ever asked.
At the end of October last year, I sit for exam. Its an exam in my first winter.
I did not know that every year they change the clock twice a year. Means,
when entering the winter, in the whole country, people here adjust the clock
1 hour later, and then when entering spring, they fasten the clock 1 hour back.
On that day, I had exam at 5 PM. I arrived at 5 PM (due to my watch), but
found nobody there yet. Panic, I run around, then find one classmate in
cafetaria.
me: hey, arent we supposed to have exam now?
my classmate: no, still 1 more hour later.
me: really? I thought on the schedule it was 5 PM.
my classmate: yes it is.
me: then?? do they postpone it?
my classmate: yes. Dont u know today they postpone the clock one hour?
(I dont get that, I thought he means they postpone the exam one more hour).
me: oh, super! In fact, I havent finish study yet.
One hour later, in the exam room. The exam supervisor write down on the
board, with big fonts: BIS 8 PM. I looked at my watch, 6 PM.
2 hours later... looking around... nobody leaves the room.. continue writing...
10 minutes after that, still nobody leaves the room.... started to feel worry..
5 minutes later, I approached the supervisor.
me: (whisper) Umm.. Andreas.. till when is exam time?
Andreas: *Pointing to the board* 8 PM (whisper back).
me: Umm... its not time to stop yet?
Andreas: (check his watch) u still have 45 minutes *wink*
me: Oh really? how generous of you!