In the cricket

I'll have some of whatever you're drinking.
Not a criticism. What is it anyway?

From what I hear, Warne is flattered, and is considering the notion.
Won't he have to wait until somebody is sick though?
He is currently coaching and playing for the 20/20 Rajasthan Royals.
A degrading spectacle similar to watching Chief Sitting Bull in some tacky Rodeo, or Marlon Brando in a Superman film.

Come back Warnee! And Flintoff too. And W G Grace.
Shake off your shrouds and circus motley.

Current odds at Ladbrokes, 12-1. It's not going to happen, unfortunately.
Although I hear W G Grace is considering it.
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Sounds more like Harry Potter.


Harry Ponter: Oubaddadus, owbarldus, outfeelderdas!
Oh, it's no use Hermione, my wand is just not working.
How is Lord Pietersen doing it?
An idiot like that should never have scored a double golden snatch.
He must be using dark magic.
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We're going down on this one, and we deserve to. Australia really doesnt care THAT much about losing, unless it's against the poms. Warne taking 5 for in a losing team is almost as good as winning anyway, dontcha think?
Nah, we aren't going to win. If we did, it would be the most undeserved in in ashes history.
But Warnie on the field?

The English would only have to make a joke about his hair replacement therapy.. "yeah yeah"..

Everytime I hear the name "Warnie", I have the mental recollection of him in a g-string romping around that hotel room.
I suppose you would. You're a girl.

For me, it's Mike Gattings face. I'll never forget that moment.

I was only kidding last night. Just won a rather profitable game of poker and hit the bourbon. I'm like that.

We're still going down, but Warnie won't come back. It would be awful... funny, but awful. Brando in Superman... aye, that's it.
I don't think that Bells meant she found the image attractive.
Luckily I've never seen it.

As for Warne's return, people laughed at George Foreman, before he won the World Heavyweight Championship at the age of 45.
The greatest boxing underdog ever to win with a single flooring punch.
I am tempted to say lucky punch, but that wouldn't be true.

Hey Bells. How do you like this hunk? (keep a bucket by you)


England's Peter Stringfellow
A carriage. The air is so thick with cigar smoke that you can hardly read the sign on the door. "Nah smoken. By order iv the Orstralien Govvinment" A poker game is in progress.

Pietersen: You are one lucky besterd Maquis, but you won't beat me this time.

Maquis: Burrzh das wrong anamganna pruvid.

Pietersen: (Looks at hand again and smiles)

Skippy: Tch. Tch Tch. Tch.

Maquis: (slugs down half bottle of Bourbon)
Olkoorlyer. Zassit, Anzon the taybul. Lessee what yergot.

Pietersen: There. Four Nines. (goes to pull chips to himself)

Maquis: Wait a furzin, wait a furzin, wait a furzin an minit, my ol'fren.

Pietersen: Four Queens? If it weren't for this young train Steward being here, I'd accuse you of cheating. I'm going to bed. (leaves)

Maquis: Thanks for your help Skippy. Now here's your reward. Another 20 Havanas.

Skippy: Tch. (blows smoke ring)
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I suppose you would. You're a girl.
I may be a girl, but.. well.. He is "very unattractive man".

Burnt into my eyeballs. Seeing Warnie in g-string makes Bells something something..

I was only kidding last night. Just won a rather profitable game of poker and hit the bourbon. I'm like that.

We're still going down, but Warnie won't come back. It would be awful... funny, but awful. Brando in Superman... aye, that's it.
Bring on Howard!

You never know, it could be an improvement.

Captain Kremmen said:
England's Peter Stringfellow
I hate you.

The argument continues............

Skippy: I am a real Skippy

Captain: Just because you are a Kangaroo, that doesn't make you a Skippy. How many of the TV episodes were you in?

Skippy:None. I'm waiting for a new series to start.

Captain: There were 12 Skippys, just twelve, and they are all dead.

Skippy: They aren't all dead are they?

Captain:(relents) Well, maybe just one of them died. And I could be wrong about that.
Look. How about me sending you off on adventure. Pietersen has lost his sunglasses again. If you don't find them, he'll have one of his girly tantrums.

Skippy: Yeah! (hops off)

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See, Bells, there goes your proof. "Oh, Viktor.. " :)
I wasn't referring to you finding him attractive or unattractive... its just that girls are going to remember him in a g-string and guys are only going to remember that he could could toss down the cherry.

As for you, Kremmen... here's me thinking you might have seen me around a table sometime. But now I know you haven't.

'Cos what kind of donk is only going to call holding four queens?
You go all in on the bugger's ass and take everything he's got down to his dry-cleaned whites :p
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Do I play poker?
No, but I occasionally watch the late night poker series.
They use an undertable camera, so you an see the cards.
There are some strange people in the poker business, that's for sure.
A Havana Cigar chainsmoking kangaroo wouldn't be out of place.

Next test game is on the 16th. That's ages away. Can't wait.
I caught up with big Kevvie just this morning, he was inconsolable.

The conversation went something like this;

Spud: Jesus fringen christ Pieterzen, put ya farg'n shirt on, the tatts are fucking shithouse and the nipple ring is morn icanandle rinow.
Pietersen: Shet ep Keffir, ah've tarld yoo biffaw!
Spud: Ya loog lige shit ya big wanker.
Pietersen: wart wozzat??
Spud: Ne'mine!
Pietersen: Look, ah've hed ebbairt eNuff orv yoo, yoo Keffir fuck. Ah lorst ma shirt to a cheating Aussie pr'ck and a hairy little cebin boor. Orv lorst my sunglorses end ah'm nort 'eppy.
Spud: Uggghhh!
Pietersen: Ah'm warnin' yoo!
Spud: Listen Pal, I know ya prollem, ya shoulda farken stuck wiZou Afrigger, evry wunwoulda loved ya! but if ere's onething weall 'ate morn a Pommie wanker itza farken sevriggen tosser trine a be a fring Pom.
Pietersen: Huh?

Spud : Sowda poker go?...snigger!
ok...i'm gonna say it....i'm not ashamed of it...

I find Warne extremely attractive..i've met him loads of times, shared some meals (not intimate one's) i was very smitten by him..
Pietersens carriage. The wall is covered with pictures of Pietersen. He is standing in front of a mirror shaving.

Pietersen:(sings) "You're the best thing, that ever happened to me...."

Skippy: Tch

Pietersen: Ah Train Boy. What is the................
Oh Train boy, thenk you! You've found my bladdy sunglasses!
You are freakin' wonderful. I can't believe it.
Sit yourself down boy.

Skippy: Tch Tch

Pietersen: Listen. I can't keep calling you Train Boy. What is your name?

Skippy: Tch

Pietersen: Ah, deaf and dumb eh? Tragedy. I was deaf and dumb myself once.
Only for a couple of hours when a cricket ball hit me on the chin. I could still hear OK mind.
It was terrible. You don't have to tell me about it. I've experienced it.

Skippy: Tch

Pietersen: I known what I'll call you. Sonny. After a smart kid in a TV program I used to watch in Setheffrika as a young Voertrekker. If you had a shave, you'd be the spitting image of him....................

To be continued
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Pietersen: You know Sonny, there is one thing very much on my mind.
You are too good to be a train boy. You need to raise your sights.
Look, I need someone to help me. Someone to clean and oil my bat, and drive my Cadillac. I'm always forgetting my passport and things.
I bet you're not earning more than a thousand pounds a week. I'll double it.

A drunken voice comes from the corridor

Maquis: Gwanyer figgin bidgereegar! Fizzhn bastoord, das allav tersay! Wassat? a moose? aliddle moose? Badmooosie appearin' in the wall! Hooryoo.......(fades)

Pietersen: Ha! that's Maquis, he's such a lively character. He's pretending to have delerium tremens again.
I must play some poker tonight. I feel lucky.
What d'yer say Sonny. Will you take the job?

Skippy: Tch. (puts out paw for handshake)

Pietersen: Great!
Sonny, you have severely chapped hands. I have some cream for that........
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Skippy: I don't think I'm Skippy any more.

Kremmen: That's good. You are becoming realistic. The trouble with youth today is that you think you are somehow going to achieve instant success, by somehow becoming "famous". (draws punctuation marks in the air) Now you have realised that you are just ordinary, you can buckle down, and work at being a better than average Kangaroo. You can do a course in gathering nuts, or whatever it is Kangaroos do.

Skippy: I'm not Skippy any more, I'm Sonny.

Kremmen: Ha ha ha. How deluded could you be?

Skippy: I didn't say I wanted to be Sonny, I am Sonny.
I've got a contract. (pulls paperwork from pouch)

Kremmen: (reads) nuhnuhnuhnuhnuh.............Sonny...nuhnuhnuhnuhnuh........Clean my bat and find my sunglasses...........nuhnuhnuhnuhnuh..................Cadillac.........nuhnuhnuhnuhnuh........£100,000 A YEAR!.
That Pietersen must be an idiot.

Skippy: A Rich Idiot.................
You can do a course in gathering nuts, or whatever it is Kangaroos do.

Kangaroos don't eat many nuts, too busy rooting every young kangaroo chickie they can find. And they're disgusting paedophiles, they basically go around dragging the wee ones out of the pouch to kangaroot them silly. hey generally gather harems not nuts ( of course skippy was a little girly roo in reality), if he'd been a real boy it would have made for disturbing viewing for the kiddies, he would have been constantly farting, scratching his balls (which are located above his penis) and showing off his almost prehensile pink, long and skinny member or kicking the shit out of Sonny.

/Spud goes off formulating plan for new TV series (or having a word in the selectors collective ear about a brilliant plan to wrest back the ashes with a team [mob] of angry desert reds.