Why Monogamy Is Ridiculous

[KilljoyKlown]

You sound as though your head is well around the subject. Relationships are precisely about spending time with another person and dating does not have to be about spending a lot of money.

Fellows who just want some 'action' should be targeting women who likewise are into bedroom gymnastics without commitment. Or they can invest their money directly on a 'professional service' and skip the amenities and dating.

Honesty, on the part of both men and women, will lead to far more satisfactory outcomes.

There are frequently ads in the local personal columns seeking friendship, someone to have coffee and socialize with, participate in activities. Many persons are single and lonely, yet perhaps do not want a full fledged physical relationship or a live-in.

Men and women ARE capable of psychological and intellectually supportive relationships, with or without physical intimacy.

Or at least some are.....

I like the concept of friends with benefits. It suggest a relationship that satisfies without any financial strings, which places both the man and the woman on a more equal level in the relationship.

 

[visceral_instinct]

Nobody thinks it's as bad as rape, but it's not a very smart thing to do. Kind of like picking up a stick and poking a wasps nest and thinking you won't ever be stung and then big surprise you do get stung.

'Not being smart' does not warrant punishment with rape, as one poster suggested.

 

[visceral_instinct]

Also, should we take that view of a man who acts teasingly, too?

If some guy is acting sexy but won't act on it, is it ok to grab him in a submission hold and try and force him to have sex with me? Should people call him all sorts of names and say he was 'asking for it'?

 

[chimpkin]

For some reason I was just minded of the number of gay men friends who took delight in sexually teasing me all to hell and back when I was very overweight and almost terminally frustrated.
I think the cadre of silly queens just wanted to see if they could make my head explode or something.

The absolute worst...had me come talk to him in the shower after we'd all been getting sloshed the night before....then pulled the curtain back and did a stripper routine with the soap and an erection and Madonna on the radio, to which he lipsynched. And he was really, really freakin' hot when nekkid, ok?
I didn't get to rape-because I'm not evil.
I didn't get to touch, because he just wanted to annoy the hell out of me. Which he succeeded at.

Now that's a friggin tease.

 

[KilljoyKlown]

Also, should we take that view of a man who acts teasingly, too?

If some guy is acting sexy but won't act on it, is it ok to grab him in a submission hold and try and force him to have sex with me? Should people call him all sorts of names and say he was 'asking for it'?

No, I wouldn't think so. However I must point out that I have a problem getting it up with a knife up to my throat, and I'm sure as hell not going to tempt a horny homo for the same reason a woman shouldn't tease a man unless she intends to be receptive. I don't disagree with you, but life often is not fair, if you put yourself in the game, well maybe I can talk you into some Russian roulette.

 

[chimpkin]

However I must point out that I have a problem getting it up with a knife up to my throat,

You might, you might not...and she might decide to sodomize you with an object if you can't... since rape is about humiliating and dehumanizing the victim.
Figuring (and hoping) you're not speaking from personal experience.

Female-on-male sexual assaults can involve viagra and/or alcohol and/or drugs that cause a guy to not be quite aware of what he's doing...women are more likely to use blackmail from what little I've read about it...they aren't usually going to try to directly overpower a guy very often due to size/strength differences-usually a guy has the advantage in that.

 

[scheherazade]

I believe the original topic of this thread was monogamous relationships and the reasons for and against it's validity as a successful strategy for our species. The discussion has considerably broadened.

Sexual behavior beyond procreation is used for bonding and intimacy and from that platform, monogamy remains a valuable relationship. Several gentlemen have engaged me in dialogue expressing their frustration in attempting to find a female companion to share their life, they now wishing to settle down and raise a family in their maturity while several women have expressed puzzlement that guys in their forties are seeking mature women, some now in perimenopause, with the idea of raising a family.

Although medical technology can prolong the child-bearing years of a women into this stage of her life, the risks of fetal complication and risks to the woman are considerably higher.

Sexual interactions among our species are incredibly complicated and given the rapidly changing role of women in the economy, both sexes appear to be rather confused as to what they expect in a relationship with another.

Both sexes have consistently spoken to a desire for intimacy, which is a connection at a deeper level than the pelvic thrust, I would suggest, for those that are seeking to establish enduring priorities in their life.

Just my reflections on this topic with conversations shared with multiple genders.....

I would add that some of the most committed monogamous relationships I have observed are between same sex couples. More food for thought....

 

[chimpkin]

I would add that some of the most committed monogamous relationships I have observed are between same sex couples.

But she wouldn't have to have me committed, I told her I'd go voluntarily!
Oh...yeah, we're pretty committed...
Although since my gender weirdness has come up...

I guess we're now the same sex but not exactly the same gender. Which is really strange even to me...and I'm the one choosing not to stuff it back in my head and deny it some more.

 

[visceral_instinct]

they aren't usually going to try to directly overpower a guy very often due to size/strength differences-usually a guy has the advantage in that.

Oh, I could probably manage that. I've made bigger males tap out before. And not because they were going easy on me, hence my mauled-up rotator cuff...

So, surely it's his fault for asking for it and he shouldn't have played Russian roulette, yeah? After all you shouldn't tease unless you intend to follow up on it? Why one rule for men and one rule for women? Just because of the strength difference?

Sorry I keep talking about rape like that, but I'm SICK of hearing that double standard. Teasing a man then not acting on it is condemned and viewed as 'asking for it', but doing the same behaviour to a woman is seen as merely irritating at the worst.

 

[Anti-Flag]

I didn't realize that a man would feel victimized by paying for dinner.

Well what happened to equality? Like I said, only when it suits women. Don't worry, most men are far too pussy whipped to care.

If the man asks the woman out, and chooses the restaurant, why should he feel this way? The woman has usually invested considerable time and effort in her appearance, often even buying new clothing for this important occasion of screening each other. Tradition suggests that the man should pay, yet more women are becoming accustomed to going 'Dutch Treat' so that they are relieved of any such implicit 'obligation'.

See above. "Tradition" should be left in the past now. Not saying that's a good or a bad thing, but it's the way it needs to be to have equality. Men are no longer the only ones asking out on dates, women don't necessarily dress up or buy new clothes, men no longer make more money and have to pay for everything etc.

Conversely, why does a first date have to be at an expensive restaurant? There are plenty of less expensive options. Why not a walk and a picnic? A visit to a local attraction, be it a library or a park? A dessert date of coffee and cake, while not cheap is still far less an investment than a fine dining experience......

I usually try to agree on something relaxing and inexpensive so there's no pressure on either of us. But those women are rare so I don't date much. I don't have a problem buying a girl lunch if we're getting along, and I usually date people I already know as friends so it isn't an issue, but I resent being expected to do something because I'm a man, after having it drummed into me for years how independant and equal women are. I imagine this is much how women feel about being expected to be a housewife.

You are correct, though, in that I would seriously wonder why I was dating a guy who did not consider my time and energy to be an investment worthy of at least basic nutrition, unless we had established 'Dutch Treat' at the time of committing to the date. Guys are usually embarrassed as all get out if the women offers to pay. I suppose that makes them feel like chattel or somehow obliged to the woman?

I reckon it depends on whether the guy is looking for a relationship or just some physical attention.

I reckon it's because guys have no clue what is expected anymore as most women move the goalposts to suit them. We're at a stage where tradition and modern attitudes are mixing, and it's great that we're making some progress for women, but people being manipulative and taking advantage of this is rife, and now the progress is stopping because the majority want the best of both worlds.

Great, so if you happen to have big boobs you're being a tease simply by going about your life.

Totally, we know your game you little hussie.

I really hate dating. Can't we just go for a cup of coffee where we could arrange to spend time doing something together that does not cost anything.

Sure but I had no idea you felt that way about me.

Also, I prefer to spend time with women that I find attractive without makeup and expensive clothes.

Another way a guy can feel cheated is when he wakes up with a woman and she doesn't look even half as good as the night before. (Talk about being victimized)

Haha who in the world wants to go to bed with Kate Moss and wake up with Jabba The Hut? Women look much more amazing natural anyways.

Nobody thinks it's as bad as rape, but it's not a very smart thing to do. Kind of like picking up a stick and poking a wasps nest and thinking you won't ever be stung and then big surprise you do get stung.

That was very well said, and I agree. However the world is a dangerous place and if your going to play with fire sooner or later you might get burned. But also, I would hazard a guess that a rapist doesn't really need any excuse to commit a rape and that a little prick teasing may only help focus his attention to a particular woman.

Pretty much agree with these.
Also there are many ways to take advantage of people, some forced, some coerced, some involving lies and manipulation - and they all leave the same feelings of betrayal, violation, lack of trust etc Those people deserve each other.

 

[cosmictraveler]

Do you HAVE to be annoying all the time??

 

[Fraggle Rocker]

Yes, by all means, get another girl involved for a three way!

I know a woman who has done many three-ways. She says the nice thing is that you can be sure that at least one other person cares whether you're having a good time, instead of just about himself.

Didn't Scheherazade indicate that she was a female.

Since Scheherazade is the female protagonist in the famous legend of the Thousand And One Nights, it would be a pretty silly name for a man. But then, so is Me-Ki-GAL.

 

[scheherazade]

Hello Anti-Flag,

Thank you for a thoughtful and detailed reply to myself and other posters comments.

Yes, the dating game is considerably changed since women have entered the workplace and even more so since the advent of birth control, which at least some are smart enough to use properly.

The greatest investment anyone makes in a relationship is their time and energy, and that is perhaps where many people run into difficulty, as today's fast-paced lifestyle often precludes much time for self and others. I personally prefer home-cooked food to most dining out, as even expensive restaurants are too reliant on processed ingredients these days. I like to know what I'm ingesting.

You can spend all your time making money,
you can spend all your money making time.....

Take It To The Limit - The Eagles.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dyLhMgB_hcE&feature=related

 

[scheherazade]

Is Scheherazade female, lol....

I actually do this forum stuff from my real self.....as strange as that may seem to some.

This is me, at home, tending chores.......don't think I have a photo of myself 'cleaned up'.

Besides, I'm not on the market. I am in a happy monogamous relationship, hence I feel somewhat qualified to speak to what one entails.....

 

[Fraggle Rocker]

This is me, at home, tending chores.......don't think I have a photo of myself 'cleaned up'.

You're pretty nice-looking. Who's the human?

 

[scheherazade]

You're pretty nice-looking. Who's the human?

My name is Caramel, the Morgan mare and I keep an eye on this place. I am a lean, mean riding machine, and I take the human with me on endurance rides, but lately we've been sticking close to home looking after my sis and her kid, a cute little fellow named Handy.

The human is our leader...... and I am her favorite, of course, though to be politically correct she would claim to love us all equally.....

I get more treats because I like apples and they don't, lol....

 

[Stoniphi]

Pleased to meet you. I am a male,happily married and committed, and look very much like my avi Uncle Lester.

When I lived in Oklahoma, 5 teenaged girls got busted for kidnapping and serial raping a teenaged boy classmate in a barn owned by one of the girls parents. They were convicted and did the time.

Once again, with feeling: rape is NOT a crime of passion, it is a crime of control through violence and intimidation. It is NOT an effective reproduction strategy, it goes against the standard model, which is also in current peril.

 

[Anti-Flag]

Hello Anti-Flag,

Thank you for a thoughtful and detailed reply to myself and other posters comments.

Yes, the dating game is considerably changed since women have entered the workplace and even more so since the advent of birth control, which at least some are smart enough to use properly.

The greatest investment anyone makes in a relationship is their time and energy, and that is perhaps where many people run into difficulty, as today's fast-paced lifestyle often precludes much time for self and others. I personally prefer home-cooked food to most dining out, as even expensive restaurants are too reliant on processed ingredients these days. I like to know what I'm ingesting.

Ah, it was a more rushed reply than I would have liked, but I think the points where all there.
I agree, and am far more impressed by those who put thought and effort into things and can show strong personality traits than money or being obsessed with their career.
In some ways I think the new way is an improvement, but in others it's very sad. I think family is very important, but that seems to take a back seat these days. I would definitely prefer a genuine equality to be present.

 

[KilljoyKlown]

I would definitely prefer a genuine equality to be present.

What kind of equality are you talking about?

Financial (notice I put this at the top of the list)
Social Status
Intellectual
Emotional
Sexual desire & frequency
Personality (usually one is more dominate)

Kind of tough to line up all things to be equal. Most people want companionship and sex more than they want to wait for the perfect mate to come along.

 

[scheherazade]

Ah, it was a more rushed reply than I would have liked, but I think the points where all there.
I agree, and am far more impressed by those who put thought and effort into things and can show strong personality traits than money or being obsessed with their career.
In some ways I think the new way is an improvement, but in others it's very sad. I think family is very important, but that seems to take a back seat these days. I would definitely prefer a genuine equality to be present.

Thought and effort, and strong personality traits.....

Not money or being obsessed with their career.

Family is very important, but seems to take a back seat these days,

Would definitely prefer a genuine equality to be present.

In a few phrases you have clearly indicated that you have established priorities for what you would appreciate in a partner.

I'm impressed by your short list.

I'm even more impressed by the things you have NOT listed.