What are the biological reasons that women reject men?

My guess is a lack of good symmetry and testosterone. Although, I suppose that is also related to being ugly. I think I've even read that men with better symmetry have a more attractive smell to women. Speaking in such a generalized context, I believe sight and smell are the most significant roles played in sexual attraction. A good looking guy with high testosterone usually has a good shot regardless of how much money he has. True, she might not marry a poor man, but she might sleep with him behind the rich guy's back.

 

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What's interesting to me is that the wealth of a woman is generally a negligible consideration for a man.

 

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Chemistry between two people is really hard to 'define.' Like one poster said...it can vary from person to person.

But...it IS important. It shouldn't overshadow the entire relationship. But, it is the precursor for a relationship to even begin, in my mind's eye. Chemistry is more than mere good looks and scents. It's something that attracts one person to the other. BUT...it might not attract you or me to those very same people. Good thing, or we'd all be chasing the same people around!

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Chemistry is like an invisible thread between two people...that only they know is there.

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I'm not a big believer in ''love'' bla bla bla....love can hurt too much, I have found.

But, chemistry ...yes. Falling in like...another yes.
And then stop right there.

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Wanted to throw something out there that to me, is a very real motive behind attraction. Women and perhaps men as well, are often attracted to that which they grew up with as a child. Whatever male role model we have had...good or bad...can often cause us to gravitate towards certain "types." For example, I grew up in a very verbally and emotionally abusive household. Unbeknownst to me and perhaps just something that became automatic rather than conscious...I have tended to be attracted towards abusive men. Not their abuse certainly but their "bad boy" exterior. I grew up with very cerebral people and I also tend to be attracted towards cerebral men, now.

Thankfully...I have worked hard to get away from this paradigm and now realize where my attractions came from. I share this because we often don't even recognize that which we are attracted to until we see patterns in the people we "choose." I put that in quotes because women don't choose to be abused. They tend to gravitate towards that which is familiar. And that quite frankly, could have scientific roots. We are hard wired for lack of a better phrase, to want the familiar. This is why so many women stay in abusive relationships. To an outsider looking in...you may think...ah just leave the bastard already! But it's not that cut and dry for many.

I won't lie. I like a man to be fit and take care if himself...but his mind and heart ...trump physical attraction for me. A man could be a Greek god but if he lacks integrity and is uninteresting or lacks intellect...I'm out.

But...how can we know this just by a glance? Or a few sightings?

Question for the men here... Do u agree or disagree with the following statement?

"Men are far more visually stimulated than women." (When it comes to attraction to a potential mate)

And please explain your answer.

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agreed

Hmmm. I dunno. I rather think opposites attract. You don't think so?
The irony is, once you get into a long term relationship...the very thing you were 'attracted' to early on...might be the very thing that grates on your nerves later. lol

this could solve a lot of relationship disputes.

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har har

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I wouldn't go that far. hehe

Maybe. I guess there is a greater risk to protecting myself from the pain of love, and not wishing to experience that 'emotion' anymore, than there is in loving, and potentially losing. That's an interesting insight you have, there.

<< is not a risk taker, by nature.

 

I think this has to do with women a lot more than men. I have grown up in a verbally abusive family. If I ever started dating someone like my mother I would dump her in a heartbeat. I think I would only be attracted to someone that is the complete opposite. (I have always be attracted to intelligent women, contrary to popular belief, I must be really screwed up, lol) Then I have always strived to be the complete opposite of my parents, and I believe I was successful at doing this. Then in my past relationships I never fought with the person I was in the relationship with. Then I always tried to work out all our problems and differences so that we could get along with each other better, so that our relationship never turned out like my families. Sometimes I have thought that I could truly be happy with anyone because it wouldn't be as bad as living with my parents despite other things that I didn't like about them so I never displayed being bothered by it. Then of course after being in these happy relationships I would always get dumped for no reason.

I think abusive relationships are the only types of relationships that have been shown to be scientifically successful. It is the only instance or type of situation where they say that women actually stay in relationships. There is no other thing or statement that people make that says that if this is true then they stay in relationships. Most people that I know that are in relationships are at least verbally abusive to each other, and then they stay in these relationships for long periods of time. Then someone like me that wasn't this way in my relationships don't tend to stay in them for very long.

Yes, they give us little reason to be attracted to them for other reasons. (I know this may be seen as verbal abuse, then again we are not in a relationship and I just don't care anymore) The average women is often more attractive than the average man. They do not give us the choice to like them based on their personality so then we have to be attracted to them for other reasons. (the women you get along with will dump you for no reason but the women you fight and bicker with will stay with you for the rest of your life) So then women have been selectively bread to be more attractive on average, and men have been bread to be a-holes. Men are forced to look for things in the opposite sex based on looks, and women are more able to choose what they want in personality the dominant male that could come in more shapes and sizes in a more social society, hence why we don't all look like Greek Gods.

 

Would you say you're a people pleaser by nature, or do you try to make things work at all costs, because you want to live counter to what you grew up with?

I agree about it being more common with women, then men. However. Guys can often look for traits in someone, that mirrors the mothering they missed out on. We are all products of our childhoods, good/bad/indifferent.

Um...no. lol The high divorce rate would tell us people are not staying together in abusive relationships. Abuse being defined as being anything physical/emotional/verbal/sexual (cheating) abusive, in the relationship.

Curious, can you define what you mean here by 'scientifically successful?'

Only thing I'll say to that, is that sometimes women interpret men who are 'going with the flow' as...wimpy. Not saying you are this. But, many women like to be with a decisive confident person. You may be those things, but when you try to make things work...and really ...you should be running out of the relatoinship because it sounds like women have treated you poorly...this tells a woman she can walk all over you. That could be why it ended. Not all women will take advantage of a guy just because the situation presents itself. I have been taken advantage of, and it sucks. And I would never treat someone that way. But, many people do walk over people he/she don't respect.

Men and women are complicated, albeit for different reasons.

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No, not verbally abusive. Just a bit ...bitter.

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And I say that, because we all can get that way in life.

You have unforunately, had some poor experiences in relationships. I know this feeling. But, I don't think all guys are bad. There were just many whom I've selected, that were. It's easy to get pigeon holed into thinking this way though Layman.

I agree that a strong male doesn't need to be good looking. Or 'strong' in stature.
As I said above. Confidence is a powerful thing that attracts women to men. Many women (I can't speak for all) tend to fall for guys they respect. When a guy doesn't have confidence in himself, a woman can often lose interest. This can be something that shows right away in a guy. Thus, that to me, is part of the chemistry attraction. Biologically speaking, we each have different traits that set us apart from one another...and from a carnal perpsective...that's what draws two people together. That carnal 'something.'

I guess we're all works in progress trying to find our way.

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Just be mindful to not allow a few poor experiences with the opposite sex, taint your view of the entire gender. lol

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All love is ego. And so is all hate.

 

All ego is self-love.

 

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I would tend to agree but with a caveat. I think relationship conflict was once heavily favored but is being challenged in modern times by more degrees of cooperation.

My terrifying hypotheses basically is that humans are evolutionarily disposed toward conflict with each other to increase the chances of reproduction.

If a male and female couple get along with each other throughout their life, they will only reproduce a certain number of times before the female is too old to reproduce. And if they stay monogamous, they will not reproduce more offspring after that. So the genes of humans who are good at getting along with each other will only be reproduced a limited number of times for each couple.

But, remember, evolution favors and reinforces traits that enhance replication. Therefore, a couple that doesn't get along and, ultimately, fractures gives the male (and sometimes the female) an opportunity to reproduce with someone else. This means more of the genes of humans that are bad at getting along with people are being reproduced.

This leads me to conclude that, after replication, evolution favors traits that fracture the male and female bond. In other words, once the objective of reproduction has been completed, evolution is "trying" to destroy the male / female bond in order to perpetuate the species. It is important to note that this evolutionary favoritism of conflict functions only in regards to reproduction. So there is an opposite, yin yang, counterpart in the realms of material production and so forth where cooperation is an advantage. But despite couples trying to stay together, as you noted, there is still more conflict in social relationships than probably anywhere else, which to me, suggests this evolutionary favoritism of conflict on the reproduction level is still somewhat at work. And, as we all know, about 50% of marriages in the U.S. fail.

The more times this happens, however, the more conflict is favored and dominates the population and the less the amicable personality gets reproduced and is encountered. This is why many females can't explain their mood swings and men can't explain why they cheat. They seem irrational on the surface but they serve a very rational (although out of date and primitive) evolutionary function. We have breed conflict into our personalities and the prospect of reproduction triggers this reptilian personality trait.

This does not mean I advocate following our competitive instincts. On the contrary, only by educating ourselves and trying to figure what our automatic impulses and attractions for outdated evolutionary traits are telling us to do can we consciously override them for more civilized behavior.

So it helps to keep in mind, by being attracted to conflict and competitiveness, we are replicating it in the species to our own detriment.

 

Same thing. Thank you.

 

I think I was a people pleaser by nature, but life experiences can change that. I have more recently adopted a philosophy that sometimes it is okay to not to just mainly try to please people. Then again I think I began trying to be a people pleaser to begin with in order to counter to what I grew up with. I think now I realize that this can be seen as just trying to get into someones pants. That I believe this goal of trying to be a people pleaser ultimately failed. It would be more common for a women or anyone to think that someone is just being nice to the opposite sex because they want sex, they will never think it is because they just want to have a good healthy relationship with that person.

I don't think everyone would have to succumb to the effects of their childhoods in the same way. I think it would be naive to think that no one could be greater than the product of their own experiences. It would just be more difficult to avoid those natural tendencies that are produced from your environment. I know at times I have difficulties doing this, and sometimes it is not that easy and requires a bit of effort.

There is an effort being put forth to try and get this people out of physically abusive relationships. Just because that effort is made doesn't mean that result wouldn't be a natural tendency. Then it requires a lot of effort for some women to do this. All I am saying that it would be a lot easier for a women to leave a relationship where there is no physical or verbal abuse. She would be like oh he is a real lady pleaser, I am ditching this loser.

Well most likely anytime you ask a women what would make a women to want to be with you, you will not get an answer. But then they will most likely agree that it is hard for women to leave a abusive relationship. No one disagrees with it that I know of. For instance, I have never heard a women say that they had a hard time leaving a guy because he was really funny.

Yes, I went with the flow and was afraid to not do this because I was being a wimp. I feel like my fears where misplaced and my actions produced the opposite of the desired result. I don't think I should want to be with a women that thinks a man should be a dominate overbearing figure head. I actually thought a good relationship would be the man and the women respecting each other as equals. I actually believed that was what women wanted at one time because of universal suffrage and the women's rights that came along with it in recent history. I don't think human nature has yet caught up to these idealism's, and I have been caught off guard because of their recent pop up in history.

In a way I think I would find clearly being taken advantage of as being sexy. I find this as an attractive quality of a women. Then I guess a women would not be able to see the attractive qualities in this just as they would not find attractive qualities in the appearance of other women. Men and women just find the opposite things as being attractive. But then it doesn't come without any kind of sense, nobody really likes a money grubber. Then deep down in some sort of way I feel like I want to be taken advantage of even though someone tilts their head and bats their eyes a couple of times doesn't mean I will give them everything I own. (on second thought that is what happens when you get married)

I think a lot of women use this as a shroud of deceit because they don't trust men because they will abuse this knowledge to take advantage of them. On the other hand I think if women understood men better than it could resolve some of these issues that they have because of these differences that keep them from understanding each other, although as of yet I have failed to see any signs of success.

Surprisingly bitterness is a good deterrent for starting a relationship. I can only assume that they have been in a very bitter relationship and run at any sight of it even though it may or may not be true that I would be bitter in a relationship. Time can only tell.

I have and at first I didn't really know what to make of it. I really don't see how you could trust someone that has a natural attraction to the type of person you have aspired not to be. I think a lesser man could just take this type of thinking and then just find an attractive women and then be a jerk to her then they could be together as long as it doesn't go too far.

The irony of all this is that it is the hardest to show confidence to a women that you are genuinely attracted to for things other than just her looks. You might of well have just said that if I found your personality attractive that then you wouldn't like me, lol. It only increases the fear of not being accepted by the other person, there would be more at stake than just being with someone that has good looks. That would be the reason why I never went out with the girl that's personality I liked the most.

 

I'm at the gym between sets lol but will share my thoughts on your comments a bit later layman. I posted a reply and for some reason, there's not good reception here. I effing loathe AT&T!

 

Women reject men because of large and extra large penis.

 

Have you ever been rejected for that reason youreyes?

 

The OP wanted to know physiological/biological reasons why a high status female would reject a man. When you speak of chemistry, it seems more focused on the psychological/sociological reasons why one person is attracted to another.

 

@ layman...Like you, I've been hurt in relationships. I don't broad brush however, all men to be 'this' or 'that.' There are dicks out there. There are good guys out there. That's life. Likewise, there are women who will treat you like gold, others who will walk on you, if they sense you are a kind man. Again...that's life. I think you have some bitterness in your heart, and I can sense that if a man is harboring resentment towards a past lover. I don't want to be stereotyped. No woman does. It is best to go into any dating scenario, with an open mind and heart. If you wish to find love, that is. If you are done with seeking love and a relationship...then, you have no need to change. But, I'm just saying this to you with kindness, and to help you out. That no woman wants to be in competition with your past, and she has to jump through some imaginary set of hoops to 'win you over.' You won't have any successful relationships until you decide a) what it is you desire and b) what it is you need to change and change it. I believe it was Einstein who said...'doing the same thing over and over agian, and expecting different results is the definition of insanity.'

Just my two cents on all that.

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@ turk...If the topic is...two people...man and woman...are standing in a club or party or wherever somewhere...they know nothing about one another...and the man approaches, and she 'rejects' him...and the question is why? Then, I'll still say it's more than mere looks. Chemistry is not an objective thing. It's subjective. I have a friend who finds certain men attractive, and I don't. Not across the board, but in general, I don't desire a type she finds 'naturally' desirable. What causes her natural desire to gravitate to one type of guy over another? That is the invisible thread I speak of. If I knew the answer to all this...I'd be rich.

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Hope that better clarifies my point.

(As an aside--I wish we could come up with a better term than 'reject.' I think it denotes that one person is in power and the other is bowing down...hoping to be picked in a line up. I haven't come up with an alternative word, however. lol But, maybe someone here could?)

 

That is why I quit going to bars. I figured I would die of liver failure before a women gave me the time of day. If I just wanted to be a drunk I would drink alone by myself. A lot less drama that way and it doesn't seem to cause problems if there is no one there to complain about it.

I don't think I do need to change to be in a relationship. When I met a girl I still get all giddy like a little school that just met a boy band. It is like I completely transform into a different person. Then she starts ignoring my calls and then the cold hard facts of reality start to sink in. That is most women could care less about pursuing a relationship or finding happiness by being with a man. A lot of them don't even think it is even right to find happiness in a partner. I fail to see the point in being with someone that thinks that it is wrong to try and be happy in a relationship.

I think a lot of the bitterness just comes from just being neglected by them, if I was no longer neglected by women I wouldn't be bitter towards them. The only imaginary hoops of fire that you have to go through to make a man happy could be only actually showing some kind of interest in pursing a relationship. I have never met anyone that has tried to get to know me that did not end up leading to a relationship. Then every woman I ended up sleeping with ended up turning into a relationship. But, then I cannot get into a relationship because woman do try to be in a relationship, they use every bit of effort they can to then avoid doing anything that would lead to a relationship. How can you be in a relationship with someone who never allows you to talk to them that you can never even know?