The Menagerie

Discussion in 'Free Thoughts' started by Tiassa, Jun 28, 2004.

  1. Kittamaru Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. Adieu, Sciforums. Valued Senior Member

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  3. Tiassa Let us not launch the boat ... Staff Member

    Technical—and Other—Notes

    Technical Note: Follow-up

    If, like me, one types faster than he or she clicks buttons, or composes in a text editor, it becomes easier to just learn the various tags and type them.

    Using hard brackets instead of parentheses: (url=hyperlink)linked text(/url)

    Also, if one is curious how something is done, they can quote a post; as long as the tag is in the primary text it will show up. To wit, I've long embedded Sciforums posts as (url=hyperlink)text(/url), and only recently noticed, in a private message quote, that I can achieve the same result by the tag (post=postnumber)text(/post). I dont know when we got that tag; my method comes from the days when we had showthread and showpost pages; the showpost links would launch the post in a separate page all its own, instead of simply queueing it up in the thread view.

    † † †​

    Meanwhile, in order to hold closer to topic, one of the first posts when I launched an oddball blog:

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    Señor David Morales Colón: Ride to live, live to ride.

    My reflection at the time (May, 2010):

    I'm not sure what to think. I mean, part of me despises grandiose funerary rites as misguided therapeutic rituals for the survivors. But then, there's also a part of me that wants to follow Timothy Leary and Gene Roddenberry, to be shot into space and allowed to decay from orbit. (See Ray Bradbury's "Kaleidoscope".) Given the extravagance, though, I think it would be much more fun for the living to shoot my remains out of a cannon. You know, just for the hell of it. Leave 'em laughing, that sort of thing.

    So, yes, that part of me looks at the late Señor Colón on his motorcycle and thinks, "Yeah, that's pretty cool. Ride on, zombie."
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  5. Randwolf Ignorance killed the cat Valued Senior Member

    I can only wish I could type as fast as you T, it amazes me. I type 90 WPM on a standard test with 95% accuracy. I don't know how you do it...
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  7. Bells Staff Member

    This is just a test..

    Say you found a bullet proof vest and wanted to test it.

    How would you go about doing that? I mean, you aren't sure if it works or not since it has been in storage for over 10 years, so what would be the logical way to test it?

    Why, put it on and have someone shoot you in the chest of course!

    Deputies have charged an 18-year-old South Carolina woman with the fatal shooting of a male friend who had donned a bulletproof vest and allegedly asked her to "shoot me," according to local media.

    The killing occurred Wednesday in Honea Path, S.C., after 25-year-old Blake Randall Wardell discovered the old vest in a garage where he had been hanging out with friends, WYFF-TV reports.

    Anderson County deputy coroner Don McCown said Wardell asked Taylor Ann Kelly to "shoot me," the TV station reports.

    Kelly allegedly fired a small caliber weapon at Wardell, but the bullet went through the edge of the vest and into his heart, McCown said.

    The shooter could face up to 5 years in prison for her part in the stupidity.

    Guns.. Apparently keeping you safe from harm.... Just not safe from stupid people, angry people, vengeful people, or crazy people for that matter...
  8. Tiassa Let us not launch the boat ... Staff Member

    Taking the Piss, At Least

    Pick-Up Limbo
    How low can he go?

    Cartoonist Matt Bors noted, yesterday:

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    I have not managed to get high enough to ... er ... um ... something.


    Burt Ward.




    Bors, Matt. "Today in social media marketing". Twitter. May 24, 2014. May 25, 2014.
  9. Tiassa Let us not launch the boat ... Staff Member

    ¿Can I Get a Title?

    Today in Paragraphs I Have No Idea What to Do With
    No, really ....

    Ciena Madrid has the reins to "Last Days" this week, and brings us the following paragraph:

    THURSDAY, MAY 22 Speaking of personal trauma, today a crocodile was crushed by an accountant on a traveling circus bus, causing both parties to go into shock and the injured animal to vomit for hours. Details come from United Press International, which reports that when the Russian circus bus "hit a pothole, the 264-pound female accountant went flying and landed on top of the 6.5-foot crocodile," after which the crocodile, Fyodor, "threw up for three hours" and missed his next performance. Obviously, what's remarkable here isn't either party's size, but the questionable life choices that led an accountant to be trapped on a tour bus with a crocodile. Our condolences go out to the accountant, who, the UPI reports, was officially reprimanded for the incident (and, horrifically, was also "advised to lose weight" and wear a seat belt in the future).

    No, really ... what is anyone supposed to do with that paragraph?


    Madrid, Cienna. "Last Days". The Stranger. May 28, 2014. May 28, 2014.
  10. StrangerInAStrangeLand SubQuantum Mechanic Valued Senior Member


    Should people be punished for stupidity?
  11. Tiassa Let us not launch the boat ... Staff Member

    Life and Death in Texas

    Stop ... Reading ... Now!
    Really, it's another one of those ....

    Every once in a while, we might get a glimpse into why some people insist on believing in God. That is to say, to the one, there is occasional comfort in simply muttering, "Oh, God ... oh, God ...oh, God." To the other, well, if the tale coming up from Texas is accurate, there is no earthly justice.

    Thus prefaced ... stop ... reading ... now!

    A Texas woman claims she was forced to give birth alone in jail during a horrific night in solitary confinement nearly two years ago, and that her baby died because of it, according to a federal lawsuit filed this week.

    • • •​

    She was arrested on drug possession charges on June 2, 2012. After visiting her doctor for an infection on June 11, while still in custody, Guerrero says her doctor told her she was 8½ months pregnant. According to the legal complaint, once Guerrero was returned to jail she experienced severe pain and cramping. She said she was checked out by the nurse on duty, identified in court documents as Anderson, late on the night of June 11. Anderson determined at that time Guerrero was not in labor, according to the legal documents.

    The complaint then detailed a night spent in solitary confinement, during which Guerrero claims she tried to get medical attention throughout the night and into the early morning hours as her pain worsened, but that she was ignored by Anderson and the guards on duty. Finally, Guerrero said, around 5 a.m. on June 12, a detention officer walking by her cell helped her deliver the baby. The court filing said the baby was not breathing when it was born and that the umbilical cord was wrapped around its neck.

    Guerrero says in court papers that no CPR was performed on the baby and that it was later pronounced dead at a local hospital. Guerrero alleged she was still kept in solitary confinement, without medical help, after the baby was taken away.


    Lin Erdman, Shelby, and Carma Hassan. "Texas woman claims she gave birth alone in jail, baby died". CNN. May 24, 2014. May 28, 2014.

    No, really, go ahead and say it. Because we already know there's nothing holy about shit.

    It's one of those things, you know? You actually hope this claim is absolute excrement because it is a better outcome than such a thing actually happening.
  12. StrangerInAStrangeLand SubQuantum Mechanic Valued Senior Member

    Dunkin' Donuts employees recognize armed robber as co-worker

    Posted: May 27, 2014 11:59 AM CDT

    By Joey Brown - email

    Luke David Payne (Source: LMDC)

    LOUISVILLE, KY (WAVE) - A Louisville man is accused of holding up a doughnut shop twice in one week, and when he failed to wear a mask the second time he robbed the store, police say, workers recognized him as a fellow employee.

    According to an arrest report, a masked man entered Dunkin' Donuts at 1250 Bardstown Road on May 18 armed with a knife. He demanded and received the business' cash.

    Six days later, on May 24, the store was held up a second time by a man armed with a knife but not wearing a mask. Police said one of the employees realized the man was the same person who had robbed the store days earlier, and all of the employees recognized him as a co-worker.

    Luke David Payne, 36, was taken into custody on May 25. He is charged with two counts of first-degree robbery. He is also charged with 1 count of 1st degree stupidity & 1 count of 2nd degree stupidity.

    WAVE 3 News.
  13. Tiassa Let us not launch the boat ... Staff Member

    Well Stacked

    Reminds me of the Ryder mission in GTA San Andreas, sticking up the Pizza Stack.
  14. StrangerInAStrangeLand SubQuantum Mechanic Valued Senior Member


    Hey man, wha'choo want?

    333- 374-962
  15. Tiassa Let us not launch the boat ... Staff Member

    The "American" Race

    The "American" Race

    How odd.

    Okay, point number one: These kids are American.

    And the obvious point number two: When did "American" start meaning "Caucasian"?

    What the hell am I on about? Well, there's nothing more American than an ol'fashioned spelling bee, right?

    Unless the strongest contestants aren't white enough:

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    Perhaps the most pointed examples, that we might clear up any pedantic question of what these people might mean:

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    I don't know who's the winner, there. I'd probably go with the guy who called the young white lady a cunt. Still, though, on behalf of these bright kids, and to my American neighbors who still think "American" means "white":

    "Fuck you ... F-U-C-K-Y-O-U. Fuck you."​

    No, really. These morons just go on ... and on ... and on ... and on ....


    Chu, Jeff. "A-M-E-R-I-C-A-N". Storify. May 29, 2014. May 29, 2014.
  16. StrangerInAStrangeLand SubQuantum Mechanic Valued Senior Member

    I would not want any of those people to be the 1st or only to encounter aliens & give them the notion that no 1 except whites matter.
  17. Tiassa Let us not launch the boat ... Staff Member

    The Obvious Joke

    Well, you know, it's the obvious joke, but those are also the sorts of jokes that many people miss:

    Hmm ... maybe there's a reason "Americans" can't win an American spelling bee.

    I mean, you know, if these Americans are the definitive example, it's a fair question.

    But, of course, they're not. And that's the risk of such a joke. Some folks just wouldn't smart enough to get it.
  18. StrangerInAStrangeLand SubQuantum Mechanic Valued Senior Member

    Young Whale Rescued by Snorkelers Shows Immense Gratitude

    2 days ago | by Jill Bond | 20,898 views

    Five people discovered a young Humpback whale in the Sea of Cortez so entangled in a fisherman’s net that she couldn’t swim. What happened next is beyond heartwarming.

    The group of snorkelers pulled their boat up next to the whale fearing that she was dead. On closer inspection they discovered she was alive and was severely entangled in a gill net used by local fisherman. The tail was wrapped in so much gear it was weighted down a full 15 ft. below the surface, and both pectoral fins were pinned to the side of her body, with her back and dorsal fin fully covered in netting.

    The team didn’t let the hopeless looking job of freeing the one-ton whale stop them. They pulled at the netting and cut as fast as they could with the one small knife that they had. It took over an exhausting hour. The team finally freed the whale and once again she was able to swim joyfully.

    For the next hour the Humpback swam and leaped out of the water putting on a spectacular display for her rescuers with at least 40 breaches, slapping the water with her fins and tail as if doing an exuberant dance. The rescuers believe “it was at least a show of pure joy, if not thanks.”
  19. StrangerInAStrangeLand SubQuantum Mechanic Valued Senior Member

    Self Evident (submitted by Sherman)

    As a fairly young policeman several years ago I was at the office on a Friday night around 9:00pm when a man walked in the door and came to the counter. I asked if I could help him and he said "Yes, I want you to give me a breathalyzer". I asked him why and he said he arrived home and his wife accused him of being drunk. He told her he was not drunk and he would prove it to her so he wanted me to give him a breathalyzer so he could prove it to her. I asked him how he got there and he said he drove and pointed at his car parked outside. I administered the test and he failed. He was charged for driving under the influence, spent the night in jail, received a huge fine and his driver's license was suspended for a year.

    Kitsap County, Washington (submitted by Mary)

    A group of criminals decided to record their deeds (stealing and shooting at people with Airsoft guns). They then uploaded the video to YouTube, complete with full credits...with their real names. Whoops! They also titled their video with the location. Needless to say, the police had little trouble identifying the perpetrators. (The video has since been removed from YouTube.)

    From Kitsap Sun, July 23, 2011

    Janesville, Wisconsin: Thief picked wrong item to steal

    Police say tracking this thief was a snap. The loot was a computerized tracking device that uses the global positioning system and Internet technology to keep track of jail prisoners on home detention.

    "He apparently didn't know what he had because he would be awfully stupid to steal a tracking device," said correctional officer Thomas Roth, who runs the home detention program at the Rock County Jail.

    The $2,500 device was temporarily placed outside a home by a woman serving home detention. The device, which is a little bigger than a brick in size, has a built-in GPS satellite receiver. Prisoners wear a transmitter about as big as a cigarette pack on the ankle, and it acts as a 100-foot tether to the portable tracking device.

    By the time the prisoner called to report the theft Monday night, the device had automatically notified the jail that it had been taken outside the prisoner's home area. Roth then tracked the device through the Internet on his home computer. A trail of electronic dots led authorities to an apartment building.

    Lem Lom, 40, of Janesville was arrested as he left the building. He was charged with theft.

    Associated Press, October 30, 2003


    A man walked into a Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer? Fifteen dollars. If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, was a crime committed?


    Wearing a ski mask and carrying a gun, a thief burst into the bank one day. Aiming his gun at the guard, the thief yelled, FREEZE, MOTHER-STICKERS, THIS IS A _ _ _ _-UP!"

    For a moment, everyone was silent. Then the snickers started. The guard completely lost it and doubled over laughing. It probably saved his life, because he'd been about to draw his gun. He couldn't have drawn and fired before the thief got him. The thief ran away and is still at large.

    In memory of the event, the bank has put this engraved plaque on the wall ...."Freeze, Mother-Stickers, this is a _ _ _ _-up!"

    London: Bungling Bandit Leaves Wallet and Phone Behind
    A bungling bandit was nabbed after he left his wallet and mobile phone behind during an armed raid on an off license, a court heard on Thursday.
    The robber took his wallet out to pay for a can of lager in a ploy to get the shopkeeper to open the till. But in the confusion as three other members of the gang ransacked the shop escaping with cash, phone cards and booze, he forgot he had left it on the counter, said prosecutor Riel Karmy-Jones.

    He also dropped his mobile phone which had his number in the memory and did not remember to wear gloves, leaving his fingerprints on the can of lager, the Old Bailey heard. He was arrested the next day in one of the easiest crimes police have had to crack. Detectives traced Junior Adeoye, 19, from his wallet and his phone.

    Adeoye, of north London, pleaded guilty to robbery. The court heard that Adeoye and three others raided the D & D Off License and newsagents in New Southgate, north London. The gang escaped with two mobile phones, 800 pounds worth of phone cards, 825 pounds in cash and bottles of spirits. Adeoye realized he had left his wallet behind and tried to hide his involvement by reporting it stolen. But as the evidence piled up against him, he admitted his guilt.

    Reuters, April 12, 2002

    Hitachi, Japan

    A robber gave up his heist before finishing it, had his victim call for help and then patiently waited until officers arrived on the scene and arrested him, police said Monday.

    "I realized that I wasn't wearing a mask and I'd be easily recognized if the crime was reported to the police," Katsuhiro Sekine, the 21-year-old unemployed Hitachi man arrested for robbery told the police.

    Police said Sekine burst into a Hitachi convenience store at 2:35 a.m. He was brandishing a knife and demanded money. Storeowner Toshiyuki Otsu handed Sekine 10,800 yen in cash, but was then taken aback when Sekine turned to him and said, "Please call the police." Otsu did as commanded, eventually handing the phone over to Sekine. As they talked over the phone, officers rushed to the store, where Sekine was waiting for them and gave himself up.

    Mainichi Shimbun, April 8, 2002

    Penrith, Australia

    A group of robbers who stole a cash machine in Australia watched as their haul went up in flames.

    They used a truck to ram a service station in Penrith and dragged the machine out with a chain. They sped away with it dragging behind the truck, but the heat generated by the friction caused the machine and the money inside to catch fire.

    Alerted police found the truck with it's haul still on fire after following gouge marks made by the heavy cash machine in the road.

    Detectives hope footage from surveillance cameras at the service station will identify the offenders, who are suspected of at least three other similar thefts.

    Daily Telegraph, Australia. May 1, 2002

    1. Christchurch, New Zealand

    A man received a mistaken phone call from police saying there were armed officers surrounding his house. The 33-year-old was told to walk out with his arms in the air and no weapons. When he got outside there was no one there and he went back in. A police negotiator still on the phone then realized he had got the wrong telephone number.

    The Press, New Zealand, 1st May 2002

    2. Oakland, California

    Police spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them, shouting "Please come out and give yourself up".

  20. Tiassa Let us not launch the boat ... Staff Member

    Scrambled, Fried, or Sunny Side Up?

    Right, you come up with a headline, since the real one is so stupid

    With a population under three thousand, Raymond, Washington is the largest city in Pacific County. But this sleepy stop along Highway 101 turns out to have some degree of spectacular (-ly silly) adventures:

    A sheriff’s deputy has been charged with reckless driving, extortion and other offenses in connection with a high-speed chase in April after his vehicle was egged in front of his home in Raymond.

    According to Lewis County Prosecutor Jonathan Meyer, who is handling the case, Deputy Vance Johnson chased the other vehicle through town at speeds above 75 mph. About three weeks later, Johnson is accused of confronting one of the egg throwers at their home, in uniform and in a Pacific County sheriff’s vehicle.


    And, after all that, Deputy Johnson now faces eleven counts: extortion in the first degree (1), bribery (4), reckless endangerment (5), and reckless driving (1).

    The sad thing is that the five-year veteran of the PCSO apparently never learned how to be a proper cop in the Evergreen State. That is to say, given the insanely awful standards by which the police can write anything they want in an incident report, destroy evidence to the contrary, and fail to produce affirmative evidence, it would seem easy enough in a town of under three thousand people to selectively enforce the offenders out of a driver's license, or even into jail.

    Who knows? Maybe the applicant pool for cops in this state just sucks that badly.

    And this guy couldn't even meet that standard?


    DeLeon, John. "After his car is egged, Pacific County deputy ends up with egg on his face". The Today File. June 17, 2014. June 18, 2014.
  21. Magical Realist Valued Senior Member

    How egg-regious!
  22. Tiassa Let us not launch the boat ... Staff Member

    Oh, for ... how did I miss that one?

    And you see? "Eggregious Abuse" would have been better than "Sp-egg-tacular". Damn.
  23. StrangerInAStrangeLand SubQuantum Mechanic Valued Senior Member

    Do you eggzagerate? Does sunny side up mean dark side down?

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