The DOs and DON’ts of Sex in 2012

Discussion in 'Science & Society' started by KilljoyKlown, Jun 11, 2012.

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  1. Buddha12

    Buddha12 Valued Senior Member

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    People change over time and they can use sex against you if they want to or they can damage your life with what they know your weaknesses are. Trusting others emphatically isn't a very smart thing to do with anyone, I know, I've been burned before so remember my words.
     
    Buddha12, Jul 2, 2012
    #41

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  3. KilljoyKlown

    KilljoyKlown Whatever Valued Senior Member

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    Ya! I'm with you on this one. Some of these trusting fools will make it to the end of their lives without getting burned (lucky them) and some of them will learn the hard way. But once burned it's a little harder to be so trusting. Twice burned and you may start wondering WTF am I doing again?
     
    KilljoyKlown, Jul 2, 2012
    #42

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  5. Buddha12

    Buddha12 Valued Senior Member

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    But most everyone gets burned one way or another by their partners.

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    Buddha12, Jul 2, 2012
    #43

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  7. Orleander

    Orleander OH JOY!!!! Valued Senior Member

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    If someone lies to me, I don't trust them anymore. But that has nothing to do with trusting others. Why would I let another person change me like that?
     
    Orleander, Jul 3, 2012
    #44
  8. scheherazade

    scheherazade Northern Horse Whisperer Valued Senior Member

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    Good point.

    I was raised to afford courtesy to all until they showed otherwise. That doesn't mean I rush into anything with total strangers, and I do keep my eyes and ears open for what others may have to say on the matter, but I reserve the right to make my own judgements.

    Still, I have experienced good relations with several whom others have had misfortune with, but you know, there's always two sides to every story.
     
    scheherazade, Jul 3, 2012
    #45
  9. KilljoyKlown

    KilljoyKlown Whatever Valued Senior Member

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    How do you define a lie?

    For instance if you want to know something, and the person doesn't want to answer. They know but also know you will be relentless until they break down and tell you the secret. So rather than go through that they tell you they don't know, not because they want to lie to you, but because they don't want you riding their back until they break.

    And later you find out. Is that a lie to make you never trust them about anything ever again? I mean would you now jump to the conclusion that they would cheat on you, if the opportunity presented itself?

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    Would you now start distrusting every thing from that person, to the extent of breaking up?
     
    KilljoyKlown, Jul 3, 2012
    #46
  10. R1D2

    R1D2 many leagues under the sea. Valued Senior Member

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    Because of my "back ground" I tend to keep a few things close to the vest. An not tell my wife right away. An she knows that I would not keep it from her if she really needed to know of it an if she asked I would tell her. I'm am truthful.
    An there are some things I'm interested in she does not want to hear about. There are some things even on here that she don't see no interest in so I know that an don't say nothing right off.
     
    R1D2, Jul 3, 2012
    #47
  11. Orleander

    Orleander OH JOY!!!! Valued Senior Member

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    yeah...I don't think that scenario is what anyone was talking about. I'm pretty sure my friends not telling me my husband is throwing me a surprise party qualifies as a lie worthy of ending a relationship
     
    Orleander, Jul 3, 2012
    #48
  12. KilljoyKlown

    KilljoyKlown Whatever Valued Senior Member

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    So everybody has a certain level of tolerance for low level lying that they are willing to put up with and still trust that person. Also, everyone has a different tolerance for it, this means most people do some testing to find out what those limits are in any new relationship. It might become tricky as you very carefully edge closer to those limits. I will also assert that those limits change with each relationship depending on how much you want that relationship to continue.
     
    KilljoyKlown, Jul 3, 2012
    #49
  13. Fraggle Rocker

    Fraggle Rocker Staff Member

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    All but one of my close male friends are musicians, except for a handful of guys I've kept in touch with since high school (1950s) and college (1960s).

    I don't care about the gender of the drummer or guitarist, but I generally prefer listening to female singers so I love playing with them. But they're rare. Men will keep their music going no matter what, and this has broken up quite a few marriages. But women, especially down here on the D-List (cover bands in bars) typically give up their music as soon as the man of their dreams comes along, unless he happens to be in the band.
    He was a commercial spammer. They're classified as vermin and can be shot on sight without a permit.
    Sure, but the real lesson you're supposed to get from those experiences is: What did I miss? Why did that person take advantage of me so easily?

    As you develop better people skills, you become much more difficult to take advantage of. In the bargain, you also become a better friend, colleague, spouse, manager, parent... human being.

    Sure, there's always somebody lurking out there who's better at conning than you are at detecting cons. But as you improve your skills, the population of people who are skillful enough to fool you anyway keeps shrinking, to the point that the two of you simply might never meet.

    Mrs. Fraggle and I keep a log of wise sayings attributed to each other. One of them is:
     
    Fraggle Rocker, Jul 3, 2012
    #50
  14. youreyes

    youreyes amorphous ocean Valued Senior Member

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    The Don't of Sex: Don't take naked showers with little boys
     
    youreyes, Jul 4, 2012
    #51
  15. Michael

    Michael 歌舞伎 Valued Senior Member

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    You know, I wish I could review one of these dissertations for "Sex Education". I'd like to see the evidence for why reciprocation is not only to be expected, but a legal right!

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    Michael, Jul 4, 2012
    #52
  16. KilljoyKlown

    KilljoyKlown Whatever Valued Senior Member

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    Well if I provided some tongue action because of a request, I'd feel justified in expecting a return favor. If on the other hand I jumped in and provided that service unasked for the hope of a return favor. I don't really have a right to expect it, unless we have a solid history already that leads me to expect it.

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    KilljoyKlown, Jul 4, 2012
    #53
  17. Fraggle Rocker

    Fraggle Rocker Staff Member

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    We don't all feel that way. I certainly don't. Everybody's different.

    This is one of those awkward things that needs to be talked out in advance, to avoid having it become even more awkward later.
     
    Fraggle Rocker, Jul 5, 2012
    #54
  18. scheherazade

    scheherazade Northern Horse Whisperer Valued Senior Member

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    Although it can be awkward for some to discuss such details of intimate encounters, I think it is important to learn what your partner likes and dislikes in this regard.

    From plenty of chatter on the matter, I gather that a great many gentlemen enjoy BJ's as the ultimate in personal gratification for little energy expended.

    I also gather that not all women enjoy performing this act for a variety of reasons which may include: personal hygiene below par (ewwwww!), physical discomfort (you try deep-throating a cylindrical object that is almost too large for your oral cavity :bugeye: ), concern about potential pathogens, and of course the classic, "I promise I won't......"

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    Whenever one partner places expectations on the other that makes them uncomfortable, the resulting tension, even if small, has the potential to interfere with the shared pleasure.

    Yes. Some aspirations may remain unfulfilled but that's why we have fantasies. You and three blondes on a beach, or wherever, lol....

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    scheherazade, Jul 5, 2012
    #55
  19. KilljoyKlown

    KilljoyKlown Whatever Valued Senior Member

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    If those kind of sexual activities are important, then it's advisable to look for a willing partner before getting to far along in a relationship in the first place. While many people become a little more flexible in what they'll do to secure a relationship. They are making a big mistake if they start refusing later in the relationship. Even something like frequency should be taken seriously.

    What's that saying?

    Or how about this one?

    I'm thinking it doesn't have to be that way, if you are willing to work a little harder getting the right mate to start with.
     
    KilljoyKlown, Jul 5, 2012
    #56
  20. scheherazade

    scheherazade Northern Horse Whisperer Valued Senior Member

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    There was one phrase I encountered that has me chuckling to this day....

    Men are like flooring. You absolutely want to lay them right the first time.

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    scheherazade, Jul 5, 2012
    #57
  21. KilljoyKlown

    KilljoyKlown Whatever Valued Senior Member

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    Good, I'll add that to my list of sayings.

    But that does give one pause, as those sayings actually come about for good reason.
     
    KilljoyKlown, Jul 5, 2012
    #58
  22. scheherazade

    scheherazade Northern Horse Whisperer Valued Senior Member

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    There was a stand-up comic who did a bit on the joys of being in a relationship. The punch line was, "Yep. Being in a relationship means that I can have sex any time she wants it."

    I concede that it is easier for women to know when a man wants sex, as most are on standby and ready to do their duty pretty much 24/7.

    Men need to study biology just a little more and perhaps just a bit of psychology if they would like to enhance their sex lives in a relationship.

    Especially pay attention to that hormone cycle for while there are a few days when we want you to be very inconspicuous, there is also a window of opportunity where most women are even hornier than guys and of a mind to make like mink for extended intervals.

    Of course, this frequently is also the time of peak fertility and ovulation each month so appropriate measures need be taken unless family planning IS the objective.

    Learning some techniques to postpone the male organism is also useful or you'll miss out on the opportunity during your refractory period.

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    scheherazade, Jul 5, 2012
    #59
  23. Fraggle Rocker

    Fraggle Rocker Staff Member

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    Unfortunately it's quite possible to discover that some of the things you loved doing with Lover N are not so great with Lover N+1. Not only does everybody not do everything quite the same way, but everybody is not built quite the same.
    And back atcha: More than one women has told me that in a survey of her friends she discovered that more than half of them can reach a climax only during oral sex, or at least much more reliably.
    Hmm. Never had that come up as an issue. Of course the older we get, the less ...... there is to fuss about.
    "Both parties to a marriage are doomed to disappointment. He, because he hopes she'll never change. She, because she hopes he will."
    This cliche arose back in my youth (or perhaps even earlier) when the standard marriage started when the kids were in their teens or twenties, and lasted until one died. When I was eighteen I could do it more than once a day. Fifty years later more than once a week is a challenge. It's aging that makes it hard to recoup all the pennies.

    But for today's average marriage that begins at 35 and ends at 40, it might not be so difficult. Although as such a marriage heads for the rocks the frequency of sex can easily drop to zero. Unless anybody who happens to be in that bed is allowed to take out the penny.

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    A woman needs a reason to have sex. A man just needs a place.
    But the psychology has to start by turning it inward. Most of us guys don't know doodley squat about ourselves, so trying to learn anything about somebody else is hopeless.
    Reminds me of a line about another species of mustelid from that great movie "Sleuth" with Lawrence Olivier and Michael Caine. Olivier knew that Caine was having a torrid affair with his wife. He said, "Yes, I can imagine the two of you rutting like crazed weasels."

    My girlfriend that year picked up on it and used to say, "Well, I think it's about time for the two of us crazed weasels to go back home."

    Sometimes the best foreplay is verbal.

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    I'm not sure if you actually meant "organism" or if it was a typo for "orgasm." The sentence seems to work both ways.

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    Fraggle Rocker, Jul 5, 2012
    #60
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