Swinging: Right or wrong?

Amen.

 

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This question is for Lucy......

I know your kids are older. Do they know about this lifestyle of yours?

How many of the swingers you know have kids? and do they know about their lifestyle
or is it all kept hush hush?

Do you think kids would be more likely to follow this lifestyle if their parents are doing it?

With the whole marriage/long term monogamous relationship idea, how do you explain swinging to kids?

 

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Yes the oldest 2 do know, the youngest doesnt know because he is just 9 and its hard for him to know about the sex thing at the moment, so its not all hush hush i am not ashamed of what i do.

And no i don't think kids are more likely to follow in my footsteps, i think they will make they're own minds up about relationships and sex when they are ready to deal with it, many homosexuals and lesbians adopt children, and we know that that does not breed more homosexuals so why should my swinging be any differant?

i just sat them down, because they asked me where i was going and i told them straight we have never had any secrets i don't think we need them,

I know a lot of swingers single females/ single males/ couples etc who have kids and swing and for some it is kept hush hush and for some its not, its what you feel comfortable with, if your comfortable people knowing about it then thats fine, if your not then you dont say anything

 

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i know you said this is for lucy, but she had her say, and i'm gonna have mine (cos sciforums lets me).

i think kids might be more comfortable cos they're parents were ok with it, or it might make them feel like their parents are different and then associate swinging with a bunch of negative ideas.

for explaining it to kids, i guess you'd say that love is in your heart and you head, and sex is in your pants.

 

You can, ofcourse, make it a point of only having sex with people you feel you love; I tend to go this route, although my first time was a one night stand. The definition of love is a rather broad one, but when talking of people not in one's family, it generally tends to mean there is a sexual component as well as an "intense interpersonal attraction", as wiki puts it. There are, ofcourse, exceptions in terms of the sexual component bit.

 

Well, we could always get into an "ignorance is bliss" argument. If you like. I wouldn't.

Phht.

 

But swinging isn't about having offspring. Its about adults having fun. Its like riding a rollar coaster or scuba diving. Not everyone can do it, but if it doesn't bother you, go for it.

Its not dirty.

 

I have reservations about the roller coaster analogy (I personally did -not- like the one and only roller coaster ride I had), but I definitely like the idea that it's fun

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. Or it can be. And it can be much more then fun. I personally really like the ideas concerning this type of bonding between more then 2 people as it is portrayed in Robert Heinlein's Stranger in a Strange Land. True, sometimes it can get complicated, as Mersault pointed out. In the ending, I guess everyone has to decide for themselves whether it's worth the potential liabilities with x people at y time.

For me, I generally think that the benefits are generally worth the risks, so long as everyone is honest and so long as it seems that everyone is prepared. It may not -always- work out, but I, atleast, think that it works enough to make it worth my while to give it a try.

 

What do your 2 older kids think of it? Did they just find out or did you approach them and talk to them about it?

Were they shocked? or Upset? I would think some kids would be mortified to find out that Mommy and Daddy were having sex with other people. Most kids ( myself included) used to try and put the idea of my parents having sex out of my mind. I could not have imagined finding out that they were having sex with groups of other people.

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Like any relationship, there are always risks. More than anything, it depends on the particular people involved. You seem to think you're prepared, what about your potential partners? Are they prepared?

I still maintain that you never are going to know if you were prepared until you experience it, no matter how much you believe you are. Similar to not knowing how you will react the first time you have a gun pointed to your head - no matter what you believe.

I do not think there is anything inherently immoral about "swinging", but society does bring a lot of pressure to bear in terms of derision, ridicule, mockery and some times outright ostracization. These factors sometimes cause regret after the fact, even if the parties were prepared prior to engaging in the behavior. Maybe it shouldn't be that way, but it is.

As I mentioned earlier, I have had both positive and negative experiences in this area. Each to their own, I guess it boils down to whether one believes that "it works enough to make it worth my while to give it a try".

If you actually do experience this lifestyle you will more than likely have good and bad times, like in nearly every pursuit. Again, this doesn't make the practice "immoral", nor should it be proscribed by the government. Most people with strong opinions against swinging are, consciously or not, basing their position on some religious concept of evil - their god said it was bad, therefore immoral. Most people just don't care one way or another, unless you are perhaps influencing their children in some negative way through lack of discretion.

Again, each to their own - live and let live.

 

Being gay isn't illegal, but what people think can still get one killed over it. Same applies to a lot of things that aren't illegal. Even just being the local pariah isn't fun even if you aren't breaking any laws.

 

I wouldn't consider just having sex with more than one person being poly. I've done that and it was just having more people in the room. I would say poly is about the relationship having multiple people.

Phone sex, irc sex, ... personally I might find this a grey area emotionally if a lot of it was happening with a specific person undisclosed, but I can't really call it sex if its just talk or text. You might as well freak out about finding a dirty mag.

Generally it takes two or more years to not be "short term," i.e. you have to get past the initial physical infatuation.

No offense but I would class you as relationship naive (in that you seem to have never had a long term intimate relationship). Long term relationships where you are living day in and day out with other people are a different dynamic than short term relationships.

So anyway, I would keep an open mind about what you think you'll do until you actually do it in this case. A lot of relationship behavior is at a precognative level and like having kids, the reality of what you do is not always what you thought it would be.

NP. I'm weird in weird ways. It can take getting used to.

 

Don't know about swinging, but children of gays and lesbians are not any more likely to be gay or lesbian than average.

Also I seem to recall children of kibbitzes aren't generally different in sexual expression than the general population with the exception that they tend to see non biological members of their cohort as if they were biological siblings.

 

we talked about it, i sat them down after they asked were we are going, and they said they were ok with it

 

Now that you are no longer swinging with your husband do they ask about it? Do they ask if that's the reason why?

 

I speak only for myself.

I simply estimate that the odds are immensely high. While I have not physically been with 2 women at once, I have had a girlfriend more then one cyber relationship at a time and a girlfriend and a cyberrelationship, for instance. Your point on whether my partner(s) are ready is quite to the point, ofcourse; my girlfriend did have trouble with it, even though she knew this was the way I was.

I actually have had a gun pointed to my head so I can answer that question; well atleast under the circumstances of that particular instance.

I agree. I'm not a stranger to ostracization though, so that issue wouldn't be so effective on me.

Sounds good.

 

I am sorry to hear that, it is not a fun experience. Presumably you reacted in a manner consistent with the way you thought you would, if you contemplated the scenario beforehand.

In my case, a sort of "unnatural" calm befell me the first time. I didn't believe I would panic or anything, but was still a little surprised by the reaction and probably wouldn't have been able to accurately predict it. (Not sure I can adequately describe it now, after the fact.) That being said, even though I have subsequently been unfortunate enough to have a few repeat experiences of this nature, with similar results, I still am not confident that I would always feel the exact same way in the future. Different circumstances, mindset, etc.

However, perhaps you are just more in tune with yourself and better able to predict your own emotional responses to given stimuli than the average person. Don't count on that necessarily being true with your potential partner(s) though...

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Are you saying sex and gunplay are different?

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Well, if not, you must have an interesting sex life. What was your phone number again?

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Oh shit. No sir, Mr. Charlie. I don't even swing whips.