shaking hands

Discussion in 'Free Thoughts' started by birch, Apr 24, 2017.

  1. birch Valued Senior Member

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    unhygienic and annoying custom/habit. it's also fake.

    i was among a group of people and everyone has to shake hands with everybody? why does someone have to shake hands when they are saying hello and goodbye? why can't you just introduce yourself or say goodbye?

    unless you have just closed an actual business deal with someone, i think it's rude to try and shake someone's hand as it's pretentious and just strange. Even a smile or nod is good enough. do people need that much reassurance, they keep this creepy custom of making sure they spread germs among everyone and vice versa?

    i don't want to shake everybody's hands and then they do that all over again when they forgot they did that before earlier. ewww!
     
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  3. Dr_Toad It's green! Valued Senior Member

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    So, be a germophobe or just generally unsociable. Rely on fist-bumps or just friggin' wave at folks. Be like Howie Mandel or Howard Hughes.

    So what? Do what you feel is best for you. Why bring it up here?
     
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  5. DaveC426913 Valued Senior Member

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    It's only fake if it's ... fake.

    The insincerity is not in the act itself, it's in the intent.
     
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  7. birch Valued Senior Member

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    and when is vigorously shaking hands of strangers sincere? it's a custom that should be used occasionally and not for every social situation.
     
  8. Michael 345 Valued Senior Member

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    Agree

    has lost its original meaning now in this

    political correctness and how to use the handshake to get ahead


    world. However I am sure many still can pick a sincere handshake from a fake

    Also it can help to keep herd immunity alive and healthy

    Otherwise we may find ourselves afraid to go out without the latest fashionable bright orange HazMat suit with 30% brighter reflection stripes and a longer recovery lanyard

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  9. Seattle Valued Senior Member

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    Do you really get out that much that this is a problem for you?
     
  10. birch Valued Senior Member

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    If something is a social custom, i just wonder why some people always try to shake hands rather than just say a greeting. it's formal and they use it in even informal circumstances. it's so strange to me. customs are so strange when people do different things at different times. but when people shake hands, if you don't, then it looks like you are being rude, so i do that anyways because it just seems out of place to try and explain why i prefer not to shake hands so you are put upon to do the same.

    first, there is the hand-shaking when greeting and then when people depart going around shaking everyone's hands and then sometimes forget they did that and they do that all over again.

    http://www.cracked.com/article_20594_5-shockingly-violent-back-stories-everyday-traditions.html
    http://time.com/3729900/weird-science-handshakes-smell/

    This custom has got to go
     
  11. timojin Valued Senior Member

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    I shake hands every Saturday with at least 20 inmates in a penitentiary for over 5 years I have not contracted any disease.
     
  12. DaveC426913 Valued Senior Member

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    I'm seeing a pattern in your posts. Do you make a distinction between what you don't want and what the world should do about it?

    I despise Brussels Sprouts, but I don't disparage everyone else who eats them. You know what I do? I don't eat them. And I let everyone else make their own choices.

    Has it occurred to you that your extremely cynical view of the world is the effect - rather than the cause - of your apparent need to judge others?

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-fulfilling_prophecy
     
  13. Jeeves Valued Senior Member

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    1,557
    Now, why would it be okay to spread germs when closing a business deal, and yet not okay when being introduced?

    Every culture has its customary forms of greeting - some strictly prescribed by protocol; others, more casual and spontaneous.
    Every custom has a rationale in the culture - to show intentions; to prove that you're not carrying a weapon; to show good faith in getting that close to another person,
    and disabling your sword-hand; to designate ranks and position; to see which of two men is stronger; to test the other person's sincerity, etc.

    Personally, I'm not a great proponent of physical contact with strangers, so I often hang back out of range in that second or two during which a hand
    would naturally be offered, and most people pick that up and let the moment pass. If, however, someone to whom I've just been introduced steps
    forward and makes the effort to offer his hand, refusing it would be an unwarranted rudeness.
    In any case, it's better than having people I've known thirty seconds come up to hugs and kiss me. Which does happen - North Americans are very demonstrative.
     
  14. birch Valued Senior Member

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    3,402
    sure, but if i don't, then i'm considered rude. so that doesn't apply in the case. also, certain customs are pervasive or considered rudimentary protocol for everyone in that society. i just find it strange how some people use the handshake in some situations and not in others or some use it all the time and others know it's pretentious or too much in casual situations.

    how is that cynical? i was just observing that.
     
  15. timojin Valued Senior Member

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    How would you like ABRAZO bear haugh which is very common in south america, in the slavic country in my time male kiss another male , and it does have nothing to do with sex
     
  16. Seattle Valued Senior Member

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    2,200
    However it's used, it's just a custom. Just like smiling and saying a quick hello to strangers you pass in the street or in some places not doing that. In a small town it's more common and in a big city it's not as common.

    I have some friends, that when they come up to a group of my friends including me, that shake hands even though they are one of my best friends. Most of my best friends don't shake hands with me every time they see me unless they haven't seen me in a long time.

    In a business situation it's most always done. You also don't have to grab someone or hold on tight but it's kind of unpleasant when people just extend a limp wrist as well.

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    It's just part of having appropriate social graces for the situation. Some have more social graces than others.
     
  17. DaveC426913 Valued Senior Member

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    Well yes. That's the price one pays for nonconformity.

    But it makes no sense to abolish acts because you don't like them and ALSO don't want to be rude.

    Consider the Brussels Sprout case again.

    I hate Brussels Sprouts.
    But if I turn my nose up at them when dining at a friend's house, that would be rude.
    So my best option is to abolish Brussels Sprouts everywhere, so I don't have to eat them AND don't have to be rude.

    Now, you, on the other hand, hate ice cream. But if you turn your nose up at ice cream....

    See where this is going?
     
  18. Jeeves Valued Senior Member

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    American social customs are not strictly prescribed, because there is no single cultural tradition to build on.
    It's a merging, assimilation and adaptation, in constant process. Since the accepted mores are propagated by instant,
    universally accessible mass media, notions of what's appropriate in what situation can change quite rapidly,
    while people change their habits at different rates, according to age occupation, ethnic background, peer pressure, etc.
    Therefore, a variety of practices may co-exist at any given time, even in the same environment, and practices vary even more
    in different social environments: athletes may greet one another quite differently from the way garden clubs do,
    or law societies, or entertainers or mental health professionals or fan clubs.

    If you want to be accepted by a social group, you learn its manners and habits.
    If you want to change those manners and habits, first be integrated, then gain status in the group, then exert influence.
    The only shortcut is a hostile takeover: become dictator and impose your own favoured greeting, but be aware:
    the membership will revert to the old forms as soon as you're deposed.
    You don't see the nazi salute much in Germany anymore; or the communist fist in Poland.
     
    Last edited: Apr 26, 2017
  19. DrKrettin Registered Senior Member

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    169
    OK, this might be off-topic, but are you saying that declining to eat Brussels sprouts at a friend's house would be considered rude? (Assuming that you did it nicely)
     
  20. DaveC426913 Valued Senior Member

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    Is it any more rude than declining to shake hands and being polite about it?

    Not sure if he invented it, but Howie Mandel - a very well known germophobe - has certainly popularized the fist bump.

    Birch: would the fist bump be tolerable to you? It is certainly an accepted alternative to handshaking.
     
  21. C C Consular Corps - "the backbone of diplomacy" Valued Senior Member

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    In the course of issuing corrective guidelines after one of Denny's sporadic and well-publicized racial misadventures over the years, the restaurant chain's employees were instructed to always make skin contact with a customer's hand when dropping change into their palm. Otherwise avoidance of such contact might be interpreted as prejudice when the patron was black and the worker white or Asian.

    Hugging can become commonly appended to greetings / farewells in regular gatherings of fellowships that revolve around therapy, shared interests, or community values / ideological standards. From the standpoint that the members acquire a "family-like" affiliation with each other over time. Once the custom becomes entrenched, even mere acquaintances or visiting strangers may find themselves awkwardly embraced after being introduced.

    The point being that seemingly "silly" rituals and customs can arise in particular venues and regions for a variety of reasons. For the sake of not offending the locals or the applicable social group, there's often little leeway in avoiding those practices (or having to respect / facilitate them to some degree).
     
    Last edited: Apr 26, 2017
  22. DrKrettin Registered Senior Member

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    169
    That doesn't answer my question, but never mind.
     
  23. Jeeves Valued Senior Member

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    1,557
    Refusing someone's hand is definitely more rude than refusing one single food item.
    I don't think there is a nice way to say "I don't want to touch you," unless there is oil, soil, snot or blood on your own hand,
    while there are several accepted ways to excuse the avoidance of a food:
    "I'm allergic" or "I'm vegan" or "It's not allowed by my religion" are the most obvious. It is also possible to macerate the offending victual, push it under a napkin
    and leave most of it on the plate - unless it's the focus of the dinner.
    In most households, guests are offered a choice of dishes and allowed either to serve themselves or determine the amount they are served of each item.

    Overtly refusing a handshake is closer to refusing to eat any of their food.
    Actually, I've had house-guests who did just that, preparing their own meals,
    because they assumed that my ethnic cuisine was unsuitable to their lifestyle.
    They were not invited back.
     
    Last edited: Apr 26, 2017

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