Hi. I have a friend who seems to have everything. Has a college degree, graduated early. Is in graduate school. Has a beautiful girlfriend who would do anything for him (I mean anything, he's the world to her), a girl any guy would love to have. Has recently earned a prestigious position at a relatively small by business standards, but very prestigious company. He is financially well off, very well off for his age (mid 20s). He is in great shape. He has always been very social, liked by everyone. But is a mystery sometimes and he can get weird because he has everything, but when he gets it he always wants more. And while he's working towards the goal it would be so meaning ful to him, but when he attains the goal...it's no big deal to him. We're all astounded and congratulate him, but to him it's no big deal and his accomplishments are insignificant to him, so he moves onto another goal. He should be so happy, but he seems sad, because he wants more, but doesnt know what he wants and he'll ask those around him what he should do...but nobody knows because its just a different world he's in. Does anyone know anyong like this? Can anyone help me understand what/why this is? I don't see how anyone who has everything could be unhappy. I don't have anything going for me, and I'm fairly happy. I just don't understand it.
well tink about what a 'goal' is. bringit down to say a game on a fel right. you have the players or player striving to get that goal, that point. so there is the struggle and then te goal and then all that jumpin up and down. and also the jumpin up and down ismade better when te goal scorer sees oppoents all low cause they lost. so that adds to your climax. a climax tat soon wanes and then yer goin for yer NEXT goal, etc. so hint--ONEgoal dont make tat player happy. more are continually wanted to keep up that need so goin-for-goals keeps you tied to time. rather itmust bebetter to feel the now...cause goin-for-gals to give meaning to life is like chasin your tail. you always need a goal to feel happy. and if you get all your gaols. ie get rich and successful young, than tese gaols lose their meaning. you get ennui so agin. learn to feel te NOW. the actual proces, not te achieving-goals. cause s SOON as a goal is achived....then what?...
Maybe your friend suffers from depression, high achievers often do. Now there will be loads of people here jumping all over this reply saying depression doesn't exist, patriacal this that and the other. many top sports people and entertainers like this. I think if you googled 'high achievers depression' you may get some results that would be helpful to you. or just google 'high achievers psychology' see what u get.
Maybe this helps: http://www.lorenbennett.org/sperfect.htm "Researcher Links Perfectionism in High Achievers with Depression and Suicide (75.1) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- WASHINGTON -- Most everyone has known of someone who despite giving the appearance of 'having it all' -- power, prestige, admiration, a loving family, many friends and a promising future -- committed suicide. A researcher writing in the current issue of the American Psychological Association's (APA) American Psychologist suggests that the very quality that drives some individuals to very high levels of achievement -- perfectionism -- may also lead to their self-destruction. In his article 'The Destructiveness of Perfectionism: Implications for the Treatment of Depression,' psychologist Sidney J. Blatt, Ph.D., of Yale University notes that investigators have identified at least three different types of perfectionism: other- oriented, self-oriented and socially prescribed perfectionism. Other-oriented perfectionism involves demanding that others meet exaggerated and unrealistic standards. Self-oriented perfectionism 'involves exceedingly high, self-imposed, unrealistic standards and an intensive self-scrutiny and criticism in which there is an inability to accept flaw, fault or failure within oneself.' Socially prescribed perfectionism 'is the belief that others maintain unrealistic and exaggerated expectations that are difficult, if not impossible, to meet; but one must meet these standards to win approval and acceptance.' Of the three types, the latter two -- self-oriented and socially prescribed perfectionism -- have been linked with a higher risk of depression and suicide. 'Normal' perfectionism, in which individuals derive a sense of pleasure from painstaking effort, and they strive to excel while still being able to accept personal and situational limitations, needs to be distinguished from 'neurotic' perfectionism, which, Dr. Blatt writes, 'is driven by an intense need to avoid failure. Nothing seems quite good enough, and the individual is unable to derive satisfaction from what ordinarily might be considered a job well done or a superior performance. Deep-seated feelings of inferiority and vulnerability force the individual into an endless cycle of self-defeating overstriving in which each task and enterprise becomes another threatening challenge.' Dr. Blatt cites former deputy White House counsel Vincent Foster as an example of perfectionism taken to its destructive extreme. Until he came to Washington, Dr. Blatt points out, Foster's life had been a virtually unbroken string of accomplishments and successes: first in his law school class, highest score on the Arkansas bar exam, partnership in a prestigious law firm, stable marriage and family, many friends, sterling reputation. But when things went wrong at the White House in the early months of the Clinton administration Foster felt responsible, Dr. Blatt says. Further, he notes, his integrity and competence were being questioned in the media, which he believed tarnished his reputation, the very thing he valued over all else. Foster committed suicide in July of 1993. Dr. Blatt notes that studies indicate that intense perfectionism significantly limits the effectiveness of brief treatment for depression, both psychotherapy and medication. But the data also indicate that this type of individual can be quite responsive to long-term intensive treatment..(75.1); Article: 'The Destructiveness of Perfectionism: Implications for the Treatment of Depression' by Sidney J. Blatt, Ph.D., Yale University, in American Psychologist, Vol. 49, No. 12, pp 1003-1020. (Full text available from the APA Public Affairs Office.) -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The American Psychological Association (APA), in Washington, DC, is the largest scientific and professional organization representing psychology in the United States and is the world's largest association of psychologists. APA's membership includes more than 132,000 researchers, educators, clinicians, consultants and students. Through its divisions in 49 subfields of psychology and affiliations with 58 state and Canadian provincial associations, APA works to advance psychology as a science, as a profession and as a means of promoting human welfare"
