No Manhugs

Discussion in 'Free Thoughts' started by CutsieMarie89, Oct 21, 2008.

  1. CutsieMarie89 Zen Registered Senior Member

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    Why don't parents feel comfortable with their young children around men? I have a new co-worker at the daycare center I work at and he's a man. He's been there for about 2 weeks and all of the kids already love him, so when the kids leave most of them (the little ones) want to hug everybody goodbye, we aren't really supposed to hug them, but we do anyway. But several parent's threw a fit when my co-worker hugged their kids and I wondered what was up with that?
     
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  3. visceral_instinct Monkey see, monkey denigrate Valued Senior Member

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    I know, it's stupid. When women want to care for kids that's natural, when men want to care for kids they're paedophiles.

    It sucks, and it sends a damaging message to boys and young men...'You shouldn't show affection to children, that's for the women. It's wrong when you do it.'
     
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  5. Read-Only Valued Senior Member

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    I'm a man and I greatly enjoy hugs from my grandkids - and would never turn down a hug from any child.

    To answer your question, I think it's to do with over-protective parents. There has been SO much in the news about child abuse that some parents treat all adults with suspicion - especially men. I agree that some caution is needed but I also feel that a lot of parents - especially mothers - go way overboard with it.
     
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  7. CutsieMarie89 Zen Registered Senior Member

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    Yeah, that's what I thought at first, but I mean the parents were standing right there if he tried to do anything to their kid they would have seen him. Now he's all heart-broken and mopey.And the other kids have made things worse by making the kids who parents got mad about the hugs feel bad.
     
  8. Betrayer0fHope MY COHERENCE! IT'S GOING AWAYY Registered Senior Member

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    If you feel secure with your job, ask them why they're OK with you hugging them.
     
  9. CutsieMarie89 Zen Registered Senior Member

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    Ha ha. I get in trouble with the parents all of the time with the stuff I do and say, I'm always wrong. My whole kissing fiasco just settled down, so I'm not willing to anger the mighty parents again any time soon if I can help it.
     
  10. Read-Only Valued Senior Member

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    There's no need to do that. They don't view women as potential molestors, only men.
     
  11. Bells Staff Member

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    Our 3 year old attends a day care twice a week so that he learns to socialise with kids his own age and there is a young guy who is working there. What can I say.. He is an absolute dream with kids and the kids and parents alike adore him. He is patient with them and he seems to get down to their level when he communicates with them.. in that he sits on the floor and looks them in the eyes. They love him and frankly, it doesn't bother me at all, or my husband for that matter, that our son gives him, as well as everyone who works in his room, a hug when he gets there and when he leaves. Children are affectionate and I would feel disturbed if a toddler asked for a hug from someone who cared for them during the day and was told no. Maybe that's just me..

    Strangers (be they male or female) I have never met who come up on the street and ask my kids for a cuddle, yes.. then I'd be saying no way.. Had this old man do that to my husband once while he was out shopping with the kids. Our youngest was around 15 months and had fallen asleep in his pram and this old man walked up and told my husband that our son's were adorable and then asked if he could have a hold of "the sleeping angel". My husband said no thank you after a few seconds of stunned silence, and lets just say brought the kids home feeling disturbed..
     
  12. lucifers angel same shit, differant day!! Registered Senior Member

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    my son loves giving hugs to the people he knows, and no one has ever said no, i don't get upset when they hug him either (men or women), actually i think its nice to see people hugging a child, obvioulsy if it was a total stranger while in the park then i will have to say somthing
     
  13. Steve100 O͓͍̯̬̯̙͈̟̥̳̩͒̆̿ͬ̑̀̓̿͋ͬ ̙̳ͅ ̫̪̳͔O Valued Senior Member

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    I see nothing wrong with it.

    A young roller hockey player gave me a hug instead of shaking my hand at the end of the match (I'm the referee).

    He always does it, he also does it at training and not just with me.
     
  14. cosmictraveler Be kind to yourself always. Valued Senior Member

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    My friends that have kids love me being around because their kids enjoy having fun with me. I really enjoy being around the kids as well because I know I can walk away after a few hours with them to my home where peace and quiet reside. I'd think that a "hug" isn't a very big deal and each parent should decide on their own what they should allow and should not allow. To make everyone conform to just one standard isn't a very good idea however I'd still suggest that "hugging" a child won't really offend them unless they don't want a "hug".
     
  15. superstring01 Moderator

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    12,110
    Great topic!

    I was just talking about this with my boyfriend and I explained to him why.

    Because men, for better or worse, are considered to the the "hunters" of the sex world. It's not that all men aren't trustworthy, but fault automatically affixes itself to the nearest man when things go wrong.

    I have a great friend who is a single father raising raising his lone son. His son, Ethan, is an amazing kid and I absolutely adore him. On several occasions my Friend, kept asking me why I kept declining when he asked me to baby sit. I explained that while I would do it in a heartbeat under any other circumstances, the fact is, as a gay man, the assumption is that somewhere inside me lurks a pedophile and the merest whisper of sexual impropriety on my part--especially from the child--and my guilt is assumed off the bat. No investigation required. Imagine the scenario, the little boy sees something that makes him make a baseless claim (it's happened before) and the neighbors automatically grab the torches and pitchforks and start hunting the fag. At the end of the day, it's out of self preservation that I and many men (in the case of straight men when babysitting the opposite sex) just avoid the matter altogether. There may be other reasons for other men, but on the whole, most men can't afford the complications of questions to their integrity when children are concerned.

    ~String
     
  16. scorpius a realist Valued Senior Member

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    Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!


    Id watch that one real close,any guy wanting to hug another is no doubt bi-curious.

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    when/IF he asks if you want to wrestle with him you'll know for sure!

    Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!

     
  17. lixluke Refined Reinvention Valued Senior Member

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    Let me guess, the parents are not African, Asian, or from a culture most people in the world live in. Possibly, they are some form of American most likely.

    13 posts in this thread, and not one mention of culture. Well guess what? It has 1000% to do with absolutely nothing else, but culture. These parents act like that because their culture teaches them to act like that. Their attitude has nothing to do with anything else. All other cultures that have not fallen under influence have no problem with it.
     
    Last edited: Oct 23, 2008
  18. Bells Staff Member

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    23,408
    :bugeye:

    My best friend is a gay male and he babysits for us all the time. Sometimes even over night. We've actually put him in our will to help take care of our children if we both happen to die.. He is even on their 'contact if we can't reach the parents' forms at my son's daycare.

    So I find your stance on this a bit bizarre... no offense meant.

    I personally think that if he trusts you to babysit, then he trusts you with his son and knows that even if a mere "whisper" were to occur, it would be something that is innocent. I trust my best friend more than I trust half of my relatives.
     
  19. superstring01 Moderator

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    12,110
    My buddy, Darryl, would agree with you. It's not his opinion that I worry about. We've had the discussion on several occasions and he actually gets this hurt/dejected look when I provide him with my rationale. He thought I was making excuses because I didn't want to babysit until I convinced him otherwise. So, I definitely see your point.

    I'm a bit of a worrier. I think of whole new situations to worry about (and avoid... don't get me started). I know this sounds like I'm making a victim of myself, but I'm a single man and the only thing I have in my life is my family and my job. Anything else is optional as far as I'm concerned, and this very possible scenario is one I will just chose to avoid. In "Seven Habits of Highly Effective People" there is a whole chapter about avoiding unnecessary entanglements. "Earned Hassles" happen because we chose not to take the appropriate measures in advance to avoid negative dealings. This, IMHO, is such a scenario.

    One other thing to consider, while I've never been to Oz, it is my impression that Aussies are far more tolerant of gay people than Americans. Maybe I should move down under. You guys drive on the wrong side of the road, though.

    Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!



    ~String
     
  20. angrybellsprout paultard since 2002 Registered Senior Member

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    Hasn't rape culture taught you anything?

    All men are rapists, or are merely just rapists waiting for the chance to rape...
     
  21. Roman Banned Banned

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    I worked at a summer camp for a little while, and it always made me really nervous when the little girls wanted to be affectionate with me, for similar reasons.
     
  22. CutsieMarie89 Zen Registered Senior Member

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    Yeah I guess it's the Puritan beliefs that plague us Americans, however, very interesting development in this story. It was like a television drama or something. This little girl (who is a total brat,usually) is one of the kids that has been forbidden to hug my co-worker, the other day she decides that she wants a hug anyway and doesn't care what her mother says. She said to her mother's face that hugs were special only people she likes get hugs from her. So her mother starts yelling at her for being disrespectful (which she was), but she completely ignores her turns around and hugs me and then goes over to hug my co-worker. Her mother starts screeching about whatever it is they talked about the night before and why she wasn't allowed to hug him. Something about giving him bad ideas and then he would touch her in her "private places".
    So the girl says to her mother "You're so stupid. [insert co-worker's name] never does stuff like that and you say I can't hug him, but Jed (whoever that is) does it and you don't say anything when he wants to hug me. Plus Jed's stinky and [co-worker] smells good."
    It was one of those heavy silence moments. Can you say social services? Glad it's not my job to deal with, but wow.
     
  23. Betrayer0fHope MY COHERENCE! IT'S GOING AWAYY Registered Senior Member

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    Keep in mind that lixluke is retarded.
     

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