New "Personality" Thread stressing my responsibility

Invert, I was biting my tounge hoping you wouldn't be mean. Maybe i'm fooling myself: you weren't, I was.
Anyway all I mean to say is be ready it'll be tomorrow.

 

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QQ, what we say one day is never the same.
That's the main problem.
I can never be told what's wrong with me

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Exista....would you say you find it easier to communicae here in this format than face toface or on the phone..? if so, can you put your finger on why that is. really think about it?

asecondly something that i saw about you in a previous thread is your feelings about women. is tis caus of your relationship with your mum, and/or relatinships with girls?
find it interesting where you got insight abot how 'normality' is imposed. it is true, and what attracts me TO you--via as i read you, is you......Unconventionality. unhibited communications which i find intrigueing. to me it shows your integrity that you ARE communicating uniquely---if you sees what i mean?

ok.....say you was in a room one on one wit someone. would you find that uncomfortable? more so than more...say 3? then wood your discomofrt raise as numbers exceeded 2....to 3 4, 5 etc?

what is the fear you have---again can yo put a finger on it. is itfear of 'social death'---i just plucked tose terms outta the air. what would be THEworst fear you could envisage in an encounter wit peoplle? being seen NOT 'normal'? how would this manifest? do you see death of some kind. for example, stand up comedians talk about 'dying' on stage. this is when their jokes are not laughed at, etc.

 

A half done post.... Written In Microsoft Works

Clearly one must understand me. If this is true, then, we have heaven.

Occasionally, I will make an out burst like that. When I do I am screaming those things. That was an example of the outburst. Only on the thread.

I mean that and yes.

Not really. Not fully, at least.
First: I am agreeing with you about the communication skills. I’m attempting to (i’ll post it in a second) work on that. I need to be able to communicate with my self very much. No, I’m not able to do that. Bits and peices always come through. Especially since i’ve stayed up all night and was being a mature child playing with my dogs. With a very small stick sword running up aganist the fence! Desperate to understand myself? Trust me it didn’t start out that way. Well... I did write about 15 notebooks full

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But certainly understand that i’m losing the part. If there isn’t a such thing as normal, that means there is no rule. Everythings fine (within reason), so, then if so I should be able to make a new self?

Maybe you could say abstract perhaps in a way that is a use to my constant figurings on self and truth. Abstract as in, less true? [smiley -deleted] Ah, this is fun.

But I can’t even speak to them. That’s the trouble! Actually, writing this later, I have such a gift/problem, that it is destruction. If only I could do as you say and not forget the part. I’m hoping you’ll respond. Find my “errors.”

Don’t much like them anymore. Not much. Actually, I do. It’s just as you say means/end. But still, they’re nice in ways. You can’t be racist and expect to like black people. After all buddhism is a philosophy. I don’t really like a hell of a lot about it.

I got flashed with showing my personality. I flashed myself. Like, me mooning you. :3

No. To boot. So sue. Boo hoo.
Excuse the way I write.

Well, something like that

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Well I try to read so I can find something useful.
Focusing on the words: no. Not like I might should want to. I could say they make sense to me. About relating to the spoken word, it seems that way. Direct communication, I don’t understand.

Not much I don’t think but I have a good idea of it. I like him, he means a lot to me. I don’t know why maybe because he is very good?

To say the least something similar

I don’t think of myself as smart or intelligent. Not really. I think what I’m doing isn’t good and that somehow I’ve developed it.

Yes but not savvy. It messes me up and brings me into terrible doubt.

You’re right. I try to read so I can find something useful. But it isn’t. It is a higher order schema as you say.

That'd be awesome. Duuuuuuudddeeeeeee

Yes

Yes.

Practically

Possibly????

Well, it may have an actual use. Is there any theory out there for such a thing? Well well? Who knows. It is broad as is most every term in my idea. I’m not “logical”; sometimes that kills people, you do know? heee, anyway, All I’m saying is the use is a broad thought. It is very hard to destroy a thought a bout a word that has a potential broad meaning. Of course

Possibly

ok

Please explain this.

I don’t know if you could explain to me

A part. I don’t know?

Well?

Really?

They can’t because I can’t make them understand me.

... I can't get out of the telepathic. I seem to be have some sort of awareness. If all people have it? If this? That? I don't know. I'm very aware of things though. Everyone is "inferior" in acting, but will occasionally throw me down. This is only recently at my house. I am not a mean guy. And I am not really proud of this. At all.

I don’t think so. I talk fine just... it’s not good. Put it that way. It’s terrible infact. I’d see the mental health and the existentialists thread for this stuff.

Feature, spec as in car, spec, as in the word for duendy.

You are damn good. My favorite philosopher. You’re ludwig in a different form. Hate to break it to you though ludwig was the devil. Use my name PM me lol. I’m such a kidder.

PS: I know emotions aren't the only thing. There is pure boredom. Which I never experience. I think.
0-\_/-0
----

 

Duendy, i'll reply to your post I think it's beautiful. But first this and a finishing of it later too.
(for QQ)

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On Contradictions and Language
by: Me

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Preface:
[Written after finishing most of the paper]
I have attempted a paper in my notebooks to help me with advice. If anything, I should ask only for advice and help with that advice. The paper is self progressive and is an exercise. As it goes on it gets more intense as truth and questions slowly are answered and tried to be used.
4:16 AM; Microsoft Works
~

The main goal of this paper, is to improve myself. This is done by practicing writing clear and clean language, and practicing writing contradictions.

There is one main and fundamental goal: to prevent and insure with certainty that I am safe from mental conflict and are going on a wrong path or one leading a further mental sickening.

I am hoping that in doing this paper I am doing something constructive.

Exercise 1: Contradictions In Writing Exercise

If there in fact were, first, a “tried and true” method usable for me in finding a true path from named mental conflict, bet your button I would try it.

First exercises:

1. Practicing Contradictions

-School is not good but it is.
-Dogs have tails, but they don’t.
-The school bell rang, but it didn’t.
-I like to go running but I don't like to go running.
It’s fun to run, but it’s not.
I like Sartre a lot, but I really don’t. I don’t really like Sartre, but really I do. Sartre’s awesome, but he’s not. Sartre’s not awesome, but he really is.
I hate to try but I don’t.
I hate to try, but I don’t hate to try.
Tea is good but it’s Not.
Tea tastes good but it doesn’t.
Cigarettes taste good but don’t taste good.
I like to smoke cigarettes but I don’t.
Cigarettes taste good but don’t taste good.
I like to smoke cigarettes but I don’t.

2. Firm Contradictions Practice:

Lying:
-Lying is bad, but not bad
or-
Lying is not good and lying is good.
-A firm contradiction:
A contradiction is not a contradiction. -no?
-Drinking healthy things in the morning is a routine, but typically I don’t ever have a morning.
-Facts Contradiction.
-What- is a contradiction?
The fly I see is dead but it’s not. It’s black, but it’s orange.

3. Closing the Night: Goals & thoughts

Dad came in and made me go to bed.

4. More Firm Contradictions (contradiction practice)

-An eye is white, but it’s not.
*-This exercise is not a joke. It is serious, and so, I must approach it in this way.
-I don’t like 305s so I don’t smoke them but I smoke them.
-Paper is not white, but it is.
*-Remember facts contradiction.
*-What use is it to do this anymore?

5. Contradictions

-The lighter I have I like it but I don’t like it.
-I have a cool lighter that’s not cool.
-The phone book that is beside me is not beside me. It is beside me but it is far away. But its close.
-The sprite bottle is in front of me that is full is empty.

6.Enough Contradictions, Goal and Idea Figuring

1. My “ideas” primarily are not good or useful.
2. What follows is to abandon so called ideas, which accompanies a lot.
3. So called ideas I use to say of a possible problem.
4. Contradiction practice only may help.
5. It is important to abandon such ideas if they truly are not a useful part.
6. What seems to follow is being in life instead of not.
7. Many thoughts are involved in this.
8. What is my goal, again?

7. The use & Abuse of Language by Me

1. If it were only possible to find the actual source of my so named problem.
2. When in affect the problem effectively prevents at unfortunate attempt any effective or real use of language for me.

What now follows is to practice language at hope of finding any real use. For some clear reason real in this sentence hits hard. For real to be effective, it must be effective with no regard to the fortunate or unfortunate.

Basic Sentence & Communication.

The__ cat__ is__ white.__

With each word containing its usage. The problem, is using such a sentence in real life.

Another affective and required ability is to see an impact at each word. This is where we are to start, and with difficulty:

The cat is chasing the mouse.
We approach logic.
It is possible for someone to be being illogical. For me, I definitely am. This only means my mental state and its issues and/or problem.

The cat is afraid of running water;

The dog is chasing the cat!
It is raining.
It is going to rain tonight.

Cigarettes are bad for your health.

The cat is chasing the mouse.
-Question:
What, or am I wrong: gives a person a said integrity of soul? What is an “integrity of soul”? The question has meaning in that a person may not surely have a said integrity? If not it would be useful?

I, for one, am currently away from people thus happy with out their presence. However, there is a question that bothers me.
That I unfortunately have forgot.

A problem always occurs at night like this: “what’ll it be like when i’m with them again?”

Or, a “sounding” such as, my dad coughing and understanding how I react is dis-empowering.

Incorporating Penetration into this Logic:

Considered first as, “testing”, may come to mind in the title. Testing is a useful word surely. For, at present I may need actually to test my state with this new idea. Is it good?
However my state is now, unfortunately, penetration ideas and or philosophies are still required to destroy or test.
Having a state that is acceptable, and or mine by use of logic, is a good thing. But what is penetration?
Penetration is a state validated by its usage. It is a form of a state in which the person... clearly,

 

YOU have NO idea how much I absolutely HATE to DEATH the fact that I can't communicate with you. That I am doing something wrong, wh y do you think this is? I am clearly doing something wrong: I cannot without doubt hide this fact, it must be let out. Is that some answer?

I'm hoping here to describe something further.
A single important part to the puzzle.

First, it seems like I am telling people to do this and that, or they are trapping me in, and I can't possibly say a thing to stop them or aganist them. It appears there is a me that is trapped in. Do you hear me now?

So, point, I am telling them what to do because I can't tell them to begin with from my origonal point of view. This may perhaps be something that is NORMAL in people, this happens, this is a part that is dangerous for people to venture to.
For example: Just now I was telling my sister who doesn't be herself she hates herself because she is been mean to when infact she is a very pure and innocent, very nice but harmed, person. She is this and that or was. Now, today she is turning into, if you say, a person that "shakes her booty" and listens to maria karey carey whatever and I tell you she is hitting on every aspect that is hurt aganist her. I just got done telling her because I can't stand as I said her "not self self" or her being whatever I described as. My mumbling ass....

There is me that is trapped in and in jumping out of my emotion and telling her, I am sort of a mad man in a rage so to picture. Basically, my communication is such. I can't be myself.
I am told "you are this way", when infact, this is not how I am a single bit.
People don't understand.
Hell, I hardley understand. Surely I can assure you that later on today or tomorrow things will be the trapped Brent again, for some clear, so to say, reason....

So, to follow my logic, I basically just jump out and tell her everything that I can't. I told her "next door neighbor melanie walks in the door and is being herself and i'm like hey melanie i'm brent but I can't be brent. SHe is being melanie and so I am like dammit i pick apart of your flaws"
Or something like this, incoperating reason into it. It is a world alright, a world.

 

It is therefore that psychology is concerned with the word normal.
Things can be clear. There is a defination to normal that is factual.
I have so many ideas, if you want to use my name tell me please

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Wittgensteins Picture theory is ignorant.
But brillant. I would advise not to read ignorance.
I would advise to read it in mind.
I am so funny.

 

So. What have we now

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Brent, I am gong to have to give all this a lot more thought before I say any thing more. [ don't hold your breath ]

The only solid impression I am getting is that your are attempting to explain or describe something that is simply unable to be explained or described. The language is not yet available. The expereinces you are attempting to descibe have no language developed to help you describe them.

any way I shall think on it some more.....and get back to you when I think I am getting somewhere......

 

Language can describe everything.
I think

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Better communication here or phone or face to face:
Here:
It is a question of wanting to be able to communicate here. I want to be able to communicate here. What's stopping me? I don't know. What, your eyes on my writing? Does not everyone experience times when you spot their "eyes" on your writing? And when it is serious or extreme?
Or when it's more so. I would say I can write "ok." Surely not the best. "Surely". So, a short overview of my ability here is that ....I can't do very well.
How do I sound now? I'm replying to you.

Phone: I would very much like to talk on the phone. But, as you can tell, I can't talk very well here. But, this one is about talking on the phone. In the least, I can type here because I have every "free will" in the world. See?... On the phone, it isn't quite so. Talking to my friends, the few who will accept me, as me truly, it is ok. Still I am showing them my utter in-ability and it shows through and is disturbing. In every case, talking on the phone used to be fun. Sometimes it was not well, but always good. So, is talking on the phone out of the question?

In person/face to face:
So, what's more embarassing? Talking to you here, or, talking to you in person?
Why do you think I make so many threads?
I'm just a normal guy.

No... probably lack of ability to get a girl.

And I see what you mean. But I want to be normal. That's it.

Having (when actually being in a situation of interaction) being seen on the inside and easily and sensitively, and it swelling to ..."death", jesus christ, run away, hitting the something.
Destruction. Not being able to have a thing.
"quit feeling so fucking sorry for yourself!"
I don't know.

 

Ennui dear.

It's boredom as the result of an intelligent, and perhaps overactive mind. You may feel like your thoughts are scattered and that you can think of many different things at once. Write them down. If you are thinking to fast, buy a personal recorder and record them for yourself. You can play them back at a later time to try to make sense of what you are thinking from an almost outside view.

You are not happy because what you want/need is ever changing as a result of your ennui. This is why many children are searching for more and more stimuli and you will often find them multi-tasking. The world is rife with over stimulation from the media, and from society filled with mixed-messages but all coming at you at 100 miles an hour. Your mind is trying to keep up the pace, and when your enviroment doesn't keep up the pace you start to feel empty. This is normal, and it starts to go away as you get a bit older. It's not an illness, or in need of any medication, but it can be distracting and depressing for a lot of people which does sometimes need medication.

Life is too short to move that fast. I suggest meditation of the visual sort. Envision a place that you have very fond memories of that wasn't filled with a lot of media. Mine is a canoe trip I took with my father. We sat on a rock in the warm sun, the waves lapping gently at our feet while we ate the sweetest plums I have ever tasted. Just think back, it will help you center yourself and possibly not need medication.

 

I don't really intend to have this thread futility like. Kotoko, I liked your post a lot. It shows we can have conversations, instead of just futility.

Unfortunately, the thread seems and shows my problems as huge. Did you notice? I don't seem to take peoples advice(s) very well. Not that, but when they're not ...at my level of problems. The thread shows them well, if you start with the first post from "invert nexus"... you'll see.

I do appericate your input. And, as I said you have good input as well. Maybe someone else might like to start talking too?

 

HEY Kotoko...i know we've had differences in the past---annd may do in future , who knows?...but i give credit where it's due. VERY impressed withyour insights!!!

 

hehe; duendy, did you even understand my bullshit post?
CRAZY shit no?
Sartre is getting to me if u can't tell. From my last post.
bleh

 

Hey, Brent. Just wanted to post and say that I will get to a response eventually...
I've been rather busy and caught up in my own problems as well.
Sorry to take so long, but it can't be helped, I'm afraid.

Also. I think you're getting better. Have you noticed? People are starting to understand what you're saying more and more. Don't let this go to your head though. You still have to continue practicing effective communication. Keep at it.


Kotoko,

I wish meditation worked for me. I've never been able to center myself in such a manner. In fact, attempting meditation takes more out of me than I get out of it. It's such a struggle to quiet the headnoise. And I've never successfully completely quieted it for more than a few seconds at a time.

But, then again, I'm not a visual thinker. I think in words. Always have.

It's interesting the differences in people's methods of cognition.

 

Notice Kotoko recommened eyy IPEn meditation--ie vision. you know 'meditation' is a word that omes loaded with all that eaatern mysticism shit. really it does HAVE to be all sat still, eyes shut, goal being some kind of thinky-less state, bla bla. forget all hat. cause if that becomes the expectation this'll meanit puts you off just sitting

for example, what Kotoko was saying about te ultra-sensation culture we got is soooo spot on the button. ....just try . just STOP. what ever, just stop. whatdo you feel like? disturbed? you MAY feel really irriated. an anormous sadness may come oer you, and/or restlessness. you will maybe wanna grab some form of stimulation, or you may start thinkin of shit you'dd soooner not. i dont know , losing a loved one, deatrh, money troubles. whatever. so anyway just sit. not even upright. lounge. and eyes open or shut, and/or alternating just allow yourself the spaceto be what you are FEELING. without any diversions. cause if you thinks about it. a lot of what qe get up to. the frantic rushin about, etc etc--a lot of it is a kind of diversion from just BEING. and all that being is being suppressed underall the stimulation. uyes there maybe sadness which is not being allowed to breathe. a lot of tension , all kinds of inking that neds expression. dont think of itt as wanting to get RIDof tought. but ALLOWING SPACEto think and feel......

 

Mindfulness.

Try this excercise;

Take a raisin, a small bit of apple or any fruit, and put it in your mouth but don't eat it.

Be mindful of the piece of fruit. Let it sit on your tongue and open your mouth slightly and breathe in to get the smell of the fruit in your nostrils. Roll the piece of fruit around on your tongue, exploring it's texture and taste. Take your time with it, being aware of the raisin in your mouth and all of it's flavour and how it effects your senses. Just focus on the piece in your mouth, and leave the rest of the world behind.

You can do this everywhere. It's about taking the time to experience little things in the world. The chirping of a pretty bird, the shape and texture of a cloud, the smell and look of a freshly mowed lawn. It can really be anything. If it's words Invert, try taking a sentence out of a book, and seperating it from the book. Read the sentence over in your mind and explore all of the emotions, thoughts and possible outcomes that could be related to it.

What this does is train our mind to focus and develop that focus into an enjoyable experience. We, as a society, no longer do that these days. We are fixed on flashy tidbits of entertainment, instead of exploring our own mind for that which we create there. It's an endless source of personal enjoyment, and inner peace.

And for clarification, I am not religious. I am a Buddhist in the philosophy sense, not in the religious sense. I do not believe in reincarnation, or any of the deep mysticism. I am a practicer of the philosophy it teaches not in the salvation it can offer to comfort others. It's no different than someone who calls themselves a Nihilist or a Transcendentalist.