Re: wet1 ... INET identity Chagur. You are threatening on of our highest rank members. Please reconsider taking further actions against him. S.P.S.K. Society for the Protection of Shark Killers Take care and be careful! Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!
avatar ... Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! ... Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! ... Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! ... Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! ... Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! I'll try. Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! Take care.
Society for the Protection of Shark Killers ??? My goodness, I hadn't thought of that, thank you, as it reminds me of... What do you call a bus full of lawyers going over a cliff with two empty seats? A waste....
you also reminded me smth How do you call split feelings? Seeing your mother-in-law falling from a cliff in your new PorschePlease Register or Log in to view the hidden image!
A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and they take turns to tell their adventures on the seas. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg leg, hook, and an eye patch. Curious, the seaman asks "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?" The pirate replies "I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off". "Wow!" said the seaman. "What about the hook"? "Well...", replied the pirate, "We were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords. One of the enemy cut my hand clean off." "Incredible!" remarked the seaman. "How did you get the eye patch"? "A seagull dropping fell into my eye", replied the pirate. "You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?" the sailor asked. "Well..." said the pirate, "That was my first day with the hook."
avatar ... What a horrible, horrible, horrible joke! Couldn't you have had her go over the cliff in a new Beemer or Mercedes? Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! Take care. PS Previous owner of a 357 '57 Porsche Speedster. Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!
The CRACKPOT Index A simple method for rating potentially revolutionary contributions to physics. A -5 point starting credit. 1 point for every statement that is widely agreed on to be false. 2 points for every statement that is clearly vacuous. 3 points for every statement that is logically inconsistent. 5 points for each such statement that is adhered to despite careful correction. 5 points for using a thought experiment that contradicts the results of a widely accepted real experiment. 5 points for each word in all capital letters (except for those with defective keyboards). 10 points for each claim that quantum mechanics is fundamentally misguided (without good evidence). 10 points for each favorable comparison of oneself to Einstein, or claim that special or general relativity are fundamentally misguided (without good evidence). 10 points for pointing out that one has gone to school, as if this were evidence of sanity. 20 points for suggesting that you deserve a Nobel prize. 20 points for each favorable comparison of oneself to Newton or claim that classical mechanics is fundamentally misguided (without evidence). 20 points for every use of science fiction works or myths as if they were fact. 20 points for defending yourself by bringing up (real or imagined) ridicule accorded to one's past theories. 30 points for each favorable comparison of oneself to Galileo, claims that the Inquisition is hard at work on one's case, etc.. 30 points for claiming that the "scientific establishment" is engaged in a "conspiracy" to prevent one's work from gaining its well-deserved fame, or suchlike. 40 points for claiming one has a revolutionary theory but giving no concrete testable predictions.
flamethrower ... Let me be the first to welcome you to Sciforums .... And your great initial post! Still laughing. Take care. Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!
A man and his girlfriend were out to dinner one night. The waiter tells them the night's special is chicken almondine and fresh fish. "The chicken sounds good; I'll have that," the woman says. The waiter nods. "And the vegetable?" he asks. "Oh, he'll have the fish," she replies.
QUESTION- How do you recognize the difference between pornography and Britney Spears clips? ANSWER-pornography clips have better musicPlease Register or Log in to view the hidden image!
You Know you are Addicted to the Internet When... · You step out of your room and realize that your parents have moved, and you don't have a clue when it happened. · Your wife drapes a blond wig over your monitor to remind you of what she looks like. · All of your friends have an @ in their names. · Your dog has its own home page. · You can't call your mother... she doesn't have a modem. · You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop and check your e-mail on the way back to bed. · You buy a Captain Kirk chair with a built-in keyboard and mouse. · You get a new suit that says, "This best viewed with Netscape 4.01 or higher." · The last girl you asked out was only a jpeg. · Your wife says communication is important in a marriage... so you buy another computer and install a second phone line so the two of you can chat.
A fairy tale Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road when she sees a big bad wolf crouched down behind a log. My, what big eyes you have, Mr. Wolf." The wolf jumps up and runs away. Further down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again and this time he is crouched behind a bush. My what big ears you have, Mr. Wolf." Again the wolf jumps up and runs away. About two miles down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again and this time he is crouched down behind a rock. "My what big teeth you have Mr. Wolf." With that the wolf jumps up and screams, "Will you fuck off, I'm trying to shit!"
Emo's Thoughts (Isn't this guy dead?) When I wake up in the morning, I just can't get started until I've had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, I've tried other enemas... People come up to me and say, "Emo, do people really come up to you?" The other day a woman came up to me and said, "Didn't I see you on television?" I said, "I don't know. You can't see out the other way." Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps. I discovered my wife in bed with another man, and I was crushed. So I said, "Get off me, you two!" I went into Gus's artificial organ and taco stand. I said "Give me a bladder por favor." The guy said "Is that to go?" I said, "Well what else would I want it for?" At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote. Oh, yes...I've tried my hand at sex. My ex-girlfriend was very sexy. She reminded me of the Sphinx because she was very mysterious and eternal and solid and her nose was shot off by French soldiers. People always ask me, "Where were you when Kennedy was shot?" Well, I don't have an alibi. Back in high school, my buddies tried to put the make on anything that moved. I told them, "Why limit yourselves?" When I was a kid, I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realized that the Lord, in his wisdom, didn't work that way. So I just stole one and asked him to forgive me. I'm a great lover, I'll bet. Women. You can't live with them, and you can't get them to dress up in a skimpy Nazi costume and beat you with a warm squash. The toughest time in anyone's life is when you have to kill a loved one just because they're the devil. I was driving down the highway, and I'm swerving all over, coz I'm trying to change the radio, and just as I get the old one taken out I hear this traffic cop behind me, "Whee-oo, whee-oo, whee-oo!" Well, I shouldn't make fun of his speech impediment. He asks me to walk in a straight line, so I do, then he asks me, "You call that a straight line?" Well, I should have said, I *should* have said, "Yes." But I was nervous and the only thing I could think of was "Well, Officer Pythagoras, the closest you'll ever come to a straight line is if they do an electroencephalagram of your own brainwave." I was walking down the street. Something caught my eye...and dragged it fifteen feet.
flamethrower-That's wrong! That's just plain wrong! ROFLMAO! Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! My boss told me this one (of course, he's a USMarine, so that probably explains it): A Marine comes back from overseas and decides that he'd better catch up on the niceties of life to re-integrate himself into society. He starts off at a sex education class. The instructor asks his first question of the class. "How many different sexual positions can you name?" The Marine shoots his hand up from the back of the class and begins calling out; "Fifty-two! Fifty-two! Fifty-two!" The instructor smiles. "I'm sure you do, but let's let someone else answer for right now." The instructor selects a lovely young lady from the front row and asks her to answer the question. She hesitatingly answers; "Um, I only know of one, and that's the missionary position." "Very good," says the instructor. "Can you describe it?" "Um, yeah. It's when the woman lays down and spreads her legs and the man gets on top of her. They face each other and, um, do it." Before the instructor can reply, the Marine's hand shoots upwards again. The Marine begins calling out "Fifty-three! Fifty-three! Fifty-three!"
Oxygen ... Why does everyone lay sexual inexperience on the Marines? They're part of the Navy too (most of the time that is). Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! But truly, that joke was old when I was young ... and that was a long, long time ago. Thanks, and take care. Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!
The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so Gomer, who was not exactly the sharpest nail in the bucket, went in to try out for the job. "Okay," the sheriff drawled, "Gomer, what is 1 and 1?" "11" he replied. The sheriff thought to himself, "That's not what I meant, but he's right. What two days of the week start with the letter 'T'?" "Today and tomorrow." The sheriff was again surprised that Gomer supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself. "Now Gomer, listen carefully: Who killed Abraham Lincoln?" Gomer looked a little surprised himself, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, "I don't know." "Well, why don't you go home and work on that one for a while?" So, Gomer wandered over to the barbershop where his pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview. Gomer was exultant. "It went great! First day on the job and I'm already working on a murder case!"
From the BBC: A man had a dog called Minton. One day Minton ate two shuttlecocks. When the owner found out, he said: "bad Minton". A guy walked in to a psychiatrist's office wearing only cling-film underpants. The psychiatrist said: "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts." Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson are going camping. They pitch their tent under the stars and go to sleep. Some time in the middle of the night, Holmes wakes Watson up. "Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you deduce." Watson says: "I see millions of stars and even if a few of those have planets, it's quite likely there are some planets like Earth; and if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life." Holmes replies: "Watson, you idiot, somebody stole our tent!" A man goes to the doctor and says: "Doctor, there's a piece of lettuce sticking out of my bottom." The doctor asks him to drop his trousers and examines him. The man asks: "Is it serious, doctor?" and the doctor replies: "I'm sorry to tell you but this is just the tip of the iceberg."
Chagur-Well, it was told to me by a Marine, for whatever that's worth. Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! But if you want old ones, here's one I saw scribbled in faded ink in the front of a physiology book dated for 1901. The student who used this book had a strange fascination with tiny brown dots found throughout the book, which he laboriously circled and labelled "fly specks". I'm glad to see that slackers aren't a product solely of the late 20th century. Anyway, our Professor of Fly Specks had, as so many students even to this day are fond of doing, written some grafitti in the front of his book: Q:Why did the chicken cross the road? A: Well, it's rather obvious she couldn't go around it. Beneath it was written by the same hand: "I hope I didn't lay an egg with that one."
one more The army go to war,and dont take a lot of ammo with them,and on the fourth day they run out, so the sarge tells them to point there fingers at the enemy and say bang bang,the soliders looked at him and thought hes gone potty,but then the enemy came over the hill,and so the soliders did as they where told and pointed there fingers and shouted bang bang, and then to there surprise the enemy droped down dead, so this went on for a day,the enemy came over the hill and the soliders pointed and shouted bang bang and down they went, untill this one enemy solider came into sight they all pointed there fingers and shouted bang bang, nothing happened so they did it again nothing happened it was not untill he got close to them that they found out why he did not die, as they pointed there fingers and said bang, bang, he was saying tank,tank,Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!
