Without going into details, I've been dwelling today over something that happened to me during my childhood. I normally can compartmentalize these negative feelings, but today, something triggered my memory bank, and panic and anxiety came over me. This hasn't happened in a while, but something today that I experienced triggered all those bad thoughts from when I was a child. Is it okay to avoid certain situations if you know they may trigger a childhood traumatic memory? So much of our culture tells us to ''get over it'' or ''don't let your past become your present.'' I'm trying not to, but I'm only human, also. I cried tonight, and that seemed to help. Maybe that's what we need to do when ''triggered.'' Please let me know your thoughts. Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!
It is imperative to avoid some situations to avoid danger, but it is also imperative to know your triggers and most important, to know why they are triggers. That might be the road to "getting over it".
That's true, I know why I was ''triggered,'' but suppose we never really fully get over something from our past? Does that mean there is something profoundly wrong with us? Is it okay to just avoid situations that bring those bad feelings about?
The trick, I have learned, is not in avoiding it or even in fixing it, the trick is simply recognize it. This will not make the reaction go away, the reaction will continue to be there - but you now know that there is another way to act (even if it is very difficult, or even impossible to do at first). It is a big step to know that you are not doomed to the same course of action (or inaction) as you have been. Let the feelings wash over you, there's no need to try to block them. But you don't have to act on them. The clouds will part, the sky will clear.
This has been so helpful, really. The triggers have been childhood friends coming back into my life through face book and social media, and wanting to get together, etc. I find myself not wanting to meet them, not wanting to even ''socialize' with them online, if this makes sense? It just brings back memories of family issues when I was a kid, since these friends were all in my life, then. Sometimes, I can ignore the past and just enjoy the present, but today, I don't know ...the past washed over me like a tidal wave, and I find myself wanting to shun these people. This sounds so stupid when I actually type it all out. lol But, just letting you know, that's what the trigger has been, lately.
I'm sure there is a lot in what Dave says about recognising the thing. Recognising it is key to managing it as something apart, which you can deal with as just one feature of your life, i.e. not something that should be allowed to pervade everything. I'd be against avoiding all the things that trigger the pain, especially if some of those things are people. You need people and I'd have thought the thing to do is, little by little, build up some new associations with them, so that your mind does not solely associate them with one episode in the past. I sometimes use an image from childhood, of sitting in the stern of a ferry, watching the shore I have departed from shrink away. The boat seems to move slowly but in time, inexorably, the distance from events becomes greater, their importance becomes smaller and memory of them grows dimmer. This can be good or bad, depending on the event, but it is inevitable and as such can be harnessed to manage painful things. You need patience while this process takes place.
This is so helpful! I did this today actually, finally decided to recognize that what I'm feeling is okay. Think we try to tell ourselves that we need to 'get over it' and move on quick, as soon as we start feeling triggered or the slightest bit of discomfort, and no, today, I said no, I'm going to feel this for what it is. And ask myself why am I feeling this. And the answers surprised me, and I've decided to not shun anyone from my childhood who wishes to rekindle a friendship, but embrace it. I will not allow myself however to allow anyone to ever hurt me like I was hurt as a child, again. There is a way to separate the two without allowing my past pain to harm good things for my future. Life lessons are hard work!! Thank you for your help! And thank you as well exchemist and Dr Toad...very true about patience. That's not something I'm very good at, but the only way to lighten this up, is to be patient with myself during the process. You should all charge for your services. Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!
