Friends With Benefits

Discussion in 'Free Thoughts' started by loganonlove, Jan 4, 2013.

  1. loganonlove Registered Member

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    31
    You are both mutually there for each other for your own convenience. You are free and easy for each other and possibly for other people as well, depending on the kind of rules you have set up for each other. I have had to watch many people use each other over and over. I have seen them only submerge their lives in desperation and hopelessness. People want to feel good. People want to be touched, people want to be felt. All or most of us crave this.

    If you're interested in further reading, here is a link to the article: http://loganonlove.com/friends-with-benefits/

    I would appreciate your thoughts, thank you.


    -Logan
     
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  3. leopold Valued Senior Member

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    i like you.
    how's that for a thought?
     
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  5. youreyes amorphous ocean Valued Senior Member

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    pretty much every guy on here likes loganlove, leopold. Starved for women, sex, and emotionally intensive conversations revolving around love and sex. Loganlove loves the attention I am sure but want it to keep on coming, so just plainly accepting you as the sole heir to her feelings and love would not benefit her. I mean why would she have herself on the avatar picture? Tease, not just you, all of us.
     
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  7. Stoniphi obscurely fossiliferous Valued Senior Member

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    3,255
    This is a contradictory statement.

    Sex is a bonding activity. The more one has sex with one's "partner" the more one becomes attached (emotionally involved) to said partner. "Free Love" was sorta a new concept in the 1960's, now...not - so - much.

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    Also a good way to pick up and spread a variety of nasty diseases.

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    uke: I do not drink from dirty glasses and would strongly advise against doing that. Using another persons body for masturbatory purpose is somewhat callous as well. A decent vibrator would be much more "convenient" than a living, feeling person.
     
  8. Buddha12 Valued Senior Member

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    2,862
    When I was younger I thought I needed allot of affection to keep me happy but as time goes by the affection isn't needed as much any longer. Holding, touching and kissing don't mean much any longer because I've learned that I do not need the emotional strokes that I once needed because I'm not that emotionaly charged any longer. While I get a charge out of talking to others I do not need tham to become emotionally involved with me to be happy with them. If they can just be honest and trustworthy that's all that I'd expect to keep them as a friend. I've become almost cynical about not wanting to get to close to others for I've been hurt enough times in my life and do not want to be hurt any more. I guess that is why I do not get to close to anyone now a days but that's my choice and I'm fine with it being that way. I might be missing out on some very good sex or other things but I can get by without being emotionaly involved, I've learned how to be happy just being a little stand offish.
     
  9. Stoniphi obscurely fossiliferous Valued Senior Member

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    3,255
    It is my observation that there are 2 pivotal parts to creating and maintaining a mutually satisfactory long - term interpersonal relationship, which is really what our young friend desires.

    1) Know yourself, what you want, need, like and desire. Where you want to go, what you want to do, how you plan to get there.

    2) Learn to recognize compatible traits in other people so you can invest energy into creating a relationship with a compatible person rather than expending energy chasing an unrealistic wish or using another to work through a personal issue.
     
  10. billvon Valued Senior Member

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    20,651
    Up to you. It is critical to be honest with the other person; that's often the hardest part of such an arrangement.
     
  11. loganonlove Registered Member

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    31
    Well, thank you. I appreciate that.
     
  12. loganonlove Registered Member

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    31
    Why not have myself on the avatar picture? I'm not here for that kind of attention, I am here for your insight. I don't believe every guy here likes me..
     
  13. loganonlove Registered Member

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    31

    I don't really understand how my statement was contradictory. Just because you continue to have sex with someone does not mean you're going to grow more attached to that someone. It definitely enhances love though. People grow attached to people who actually love.
     
  14. loganonlove Registered Member

    Messages:
    31

    When you speak, you speak through the way you feel (your emotions). When you talk, you talk because you feel like it. You expect them to be trustworthy and honest because of the way you might feel if they were not. Are not you still being emotionally involved with others?
    Being hurt is a part of life, but can be avoided with knowledge. To me, pain is worth eventually finding my true love. Not only would you be missing out on real intimacy, but also a much deeper, more meaningful relationship.
     
  15. loganonlove Registered Member

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    31
    Honesty is very important. It is up to everyone.
     
  16. R1D2 many leagues under the sea. Valued Senior Member

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    2,321
    Don't assume. And why do you want every to like or love ya?

    If you have the benefit of a friend with benefits someone will get hurt eventually. I wouldn't recommend having a friend then screwing them.

    Even one time flings with someone you just spent time around is different, don't recommend more than one time though. One usually feels used, so I don't recommend this either.
     
  17. Nom-De-Plume "Give him a mask ... " Registered Member

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    I don't believe FwB relationships (in the traditional sense), can really survive, or at least be perpetuated for long before one party becomes disillusioned or falls in love with the other.


    [video=youtube;4I42-ucH1SE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4I42-ucH1SE[/video]
     
  18. kx000 Valued Senior Member

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    5,073
    Does love permitt to get down with many women? I can see how she would enjoy, I have no problem with bi-sexuals. Or do I?

    I like women but is it beneficial to fuck more than one? What I am asking, is what is great. Me my wife and women. Or just my wife, and myself?

    Tough to say.
     
  19. billvon Valued Senior Member

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    20,651
    Doesn't that make them like . . . every other relationship out there?
     
  20. Nom-De-Plume "Give him a mask ... " Registered Member

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    31
    But in others you're, presumably, expected to love the other.
     
  21. scheherazade Northern Horse Whisperer Valued Senior Member

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    3,798
    'Friends with benefits' sounds like such a rational proposal for people who are perhaps reluctant to make a long term commitment but the reality is that most of us are prone to forming emotional attachment and so it can become complicated very quickly for emotions do not obey the rules of logic, in my observation. Men, as much as women, are subject to emotional attachment, even though many are conditioned by society to be less forthcoming where their emotions are concerned.
     
  22. billvon Valued Senior Member

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    20,651
    Presumably. But that's not always true either - and if you do love both of your partners, that's not necessarily the end of the world.
     
  23. Algernon Registered Senior Member

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    176
    I had this discussion with a few of my close friends, but I don't think they would understand my mindset (nor do they understand swingers, aside from believing that they are just oversexual individuals).

    I think being in a relationship has to do with multiple facets of human nature; the need to be close to another individual emotionally/connected, and the need to have ownership of their relationship with another.

    For instance, there are still couples (typically religious) who believe in non-sexual relationships before marriage. There are also some couples who choose to be platonic. So in a sense FwB don't apply to these situations, so when we include the extra variable/factor of sex into the equation, it changes how we look at it.

    Can a platonic relationship (in a strictest sense like no physical touching at all, only verbal communication) cause the same emotional strains? It seems so, as if you were to have a loved one say that they love you and say that they love someone else as well, without any physical contact, some would feel emotional pain from knowing that their relationship/closeness to someone was shared with someone else.

    There is also the example of porn stars who are ok with their significant other having sex with multiple people, but are still ok with it.

    I think like a poster mentioned above, its about the social conditioning aspect of it. In some countries people kiss on the lips/cheeks to greet someone, while in other cultures that would be considered cheating. If the act of sexual intercourse or sexual behavior was conditioned to be as normal as getting a haircut or back massage or a trip to the gynecologist or proctologist, would emotions be as closely associated with sex? What would a relationship become if exclusivity were cut out of the definition?

    I for one actually wouldn't mind if my GF slept with other men (or women if she felt that way) as long as she was honest and didn't hide it from me (however I know she doesn't like that idea nor would she think it would be acceptable of me to do the same). I think that human nature gets in the way, as insecurities and selfishness start to arise from situations in which a couple is in an open relationship, in which there is the potential that the other person may find someone else and leave the individual feeling alone or left out of having someone. We also self judge ourselves, and our progression/success based on how much time a person may want to spend with us in relation to their time spent with someone else; its our need for competition also getting in the way, feeling inferior to another due to perceived inadequacies or lack of traits.

    Its because of selfishness, insecurities, loneliness, competitive and jealous nature that make such a "shared community of intimate people" not achievable.
     

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