Banshee ... I don't know if what I found was 'love' ... but it sure was/is fun. Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!
Teri2, I am 37 and there are times, albeit rarer today than when I was younger, that my heart "flipflops", though for me it tends to feel more like my heart, and time itself, stops for a brief second when seeing or meeting someone that I later feel totally attracted to. And it is definately not sexual, that's a whole different momentPlease Register or Log in to view the hidden image!
a-hole definition? Sorry I haven't been around (mean teacher giving little children final exams---hehehe bwaaa haha!)Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! so this is belated but what the heck... Okay, you want the definition of a-hole? Now granted this may be a biased definition because you really do have to consider culture clashes....but for the most part, my ex pretty much has his face plastered all over the definition of an a-hole. How 'bout this? On our first date, he called at the last minute to ask me out and stupid me said "okay, sure" ---a decision I totally regret (although being with him taught me what to avoid in men and also how NOT to treat other human beings). He comes to my house, doesn't turn off the engine, honks the horn and we go off to a dollar movie. When we are getting off the car, I was just waiting to see if he would open the door for me (my ex-ex actually told me to get back in the car so he could be the gentleman) and he starts laughing so loud people in the parking lot start staring at him. Then he said, "you want a red carpet as well?" Okay so that was funny but hell, on a first date it was really awful. He takes 6 months to define our relationship as official (I was 7 years younger than he although he was the immature one, in my opinion). He then begins the process of "grooming me into wife material." I of course go into a deep depression over the death of a friend of mine and start to go into a self-destructive thought pattern of "I hate myself, no one could ever love me" thanks in part to my boyfriend pointing out all my faults day in and day out. He called it "bettering one self" and I of course, bought it like a moron. He told me if I didn't help him clean his house then he wouldn't know if I was good enough to be his wife. I would clean his house and he'd inspect it to make sure I cleaned the WALLS with a wet cloth.....I f'n ironed his jeans and UNDERWEAR (now can we start calling him an a-hole? and calling me a chump?Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! ). Then, it was making his favorite dish....it didn't taste quite like at his favorite restaurant. Then it was my hair....too long, I cut it, then it was too short, I was too thin or too fat, I didn't wear the right bra, my boobs were too big for my 95 pound body (he asked me if I'd consider a breast reduction--good grief!), my arms were too chubby when the rest of my body was thin (hey, no amount of toning can fight genetics), my ears were too big and thin (a trait my husband absolutely can't live without), my eyebrows needed more plucking (Mr. One Eyebrow himself telling ME I needed plucking! and yet another trait my husband can't live without), man, some of this stuff I've forgotten....anyway, a bunch of crap about my body....oh wait, then there was the time when he made me believe my eyes were partly crossed!!! Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! Then he taunted me when I hadn't studied for an upcoming exam...."you're gonna fail....ooooh, you're gonna fail..." and proceed to asking me questions as if he were a live Government class test. Our first Christmas was awful. I was sick in bed for a week and he hadn't come to visit me yet....on Christmas Eve he said he didn't want to come over because I'd get him sick and he'd rather spend it with his parents (his words, not mine). He visits me the day after Christmas and hands me a cheap gaudy necklace (the kind that look like the stuff movie stars wear only they are five bucks)--and that's not what bothered me (really), what bugged me was that he said, "I know this is the kind of stuff you like....fancy shit." That pissed me off because I was poor (seriously people, I was poor....ramen soup and stale bread poor)....and being told I was materialistic when I had never owned anything nice or new in my life.....well, it hurt, what else can I say? Get this. He actually followed me and listened to my phone conversations while outside my window!!! Yeah, I'm not paranoid. He'd follow me and then ask me where I'd been....the freak! Anyway, one day, I snapped out of it....and was so incredibly pissed that I managed to turn the tables on him. After hearing him talk about how in love he had been with his ex-girlfriend and what a "B" she was, I decided to give him a dose of his own medicine right before dumping him. I tried dumping him before but he'd beg me to return....so then I started treating him so he'd end up dumping me...plus, not to mention make him feel what he'd been making me feel for so long. I'd break dates with him, I'd tell him I was too busy to talk on the phone, I'd stop kissing his ass, basically. I stopped the house cleaning and laundry business. I said he needed to get an f'n maid because he was a slob and I didn't want to marry a slob...he had to show ME that he was smart enough to care for himself. (Now why didn't I think of that sooner?!) I told him he was an ingrate, that he didn't know how to treat a woman and didn't recognize a good thing when he had one. I turned into a nightmare of a "B" and he loved it! He started sending me dozens of roses....all kinds of wildflowers, chocolates, called me every damned minute of the day, took me out to fancy places....sent me love notes and freakin' poetry....said I was more beautiful "than the moon"---funny, my looks hadn't changed much from before. He dedicated songs to me....holy crap he was a whole other person....but by then it was too late...too much damage had been done. It's as if instead of watering a plant, he poured caustic lye into the soil, and nothing would ever grow on that soil again. I didn't want to be a "B" in order to keep a man interested in me. I didn't want to be mean in order to get respect. I missed the old nice me and wanted someone who would appreciate me the way that I was. My ex didn't take it very well....he couldn't eat or sleep and I actually felt sorry for him so I would go to his house to watch him eat--the guy was so skinny he was practically anorexic. A few years later, I met my now husband....who is the opposite of my ex (plus a hell of a lot better looking). But my ex still didn't get it. He followed me to my husband's house (when my hubby was still my boyfriend) and followed me back home---the idiot would actually WAVE from his car to say hello. I swear he had a scanner (now that he "wasn't supposed to be by my window" anymore) to listen to our conversations....he'd conviniently call when we'd have an argument---in short, he was a stalker. He found a girlfriend and all the weird crap stopped until a month before he asked her to marry him. He called and said he still thought we should get back together and this time.....THIS TIME to get married, because according to him, I probably left him because he took too long to ask me to marry him! Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! Oh, brother! Okay, so how's that for an a-hole? Yes, you can tell me all you want and ask all you want about how I could have stayed with him. All I can say is that I was severely depressed (according to him depression was for stupid people.....he later "ate" his words....maybe that's why he couldnt' eat? was too full of his own regret? sarcastic little toot, aint' I?) Well, I run into him every now and then and I'm so glad I got out of that twisted "relationship" and found myself a kind man who not only is good-looking and sexy, but treats me just the way I like to be treated.....with respect and a lot of love. The moral of this long drawn out story is: Some of us may hang out with a-holes for a while, but eventually we wise up and find a good mate. I just came up with another reason why some women may like a-holes.....they might want a one night stand without the trouble of having to dump the guy....he does the job for them. Could be...I dunno, I'm not for one-nighters.
Oh... my... god!!! Ana, That guy would have screwed up my head so badly that I would never have recovered. You must be some strong woman to have survived that! Don't feel bad about not having the sense to see what was happening to you at the time - we all make those mistakes. Your definition wins the award for the A-hole! What I'm very happy about is that you survived and you are now happy. To the rest of you, thanks for regenerating my hope in possibly finding someone. They say there's a lid to every pot, but the lid I married 23 years ago didn't fit. Thanks to all of you for cheering me up. Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! It's a great Xmas present. Love to all Teri
Ana Great post. I know where you come from in the way of being stalked by your ex.Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! Until today...And probably tomorrow and after that and so on. Ignoring won't help a bit. Have a good X-mas you all. Stay open Teri.Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!
