how do u guys handle anger? usually i dont get angry at things (like if i get a parking ticket or i lose something important). i just pass it off as "its already happened and I can't do anything about it". sometimes though (every couple of months) i just feel like destroying something. just today i broke the phone and cable modem because the cable modem just kept dying on us. a while ago i broke the door handle off...
Well, normally I am very calm, takes a lot to make me angry, at least angry enough to take action. Normally this anger is either directed at a person who had the great idea of putting his fist in my face. Other times, I just destroy the thing that defies me, like my keyboard, that piece of shit... ah, have a new one now. Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! Last week I destroyed my camping grill, well ok, I was not angry at it, just did it for fun, and I was beating it for about an hour just for that reason. Turning the music up and beating something like a pillow or a wall also helps.
I once smashed my sewing machine (imagine that). But then, as the damage was only to my own harm, this sort of woke me up: I wasn't angry at the sewing machine at all. I was sad and angry about someone else, and this sadness and anger went on in me, supressed, and they burst on many occasions that seemed to have nothing to do with that person -- and they didn't. Sadness and anger, fear put one in a delicate state of mind, and they must get out somehow -- so every opportunity is used to vent them. But this doesn't really help; it only postpones the real problem and creates material damage. Eventually, I realized that I will have to do something about that sadness and anger, because I couldn't go on breaking and damaging things. I did, I came up with some sort of "closure" about that person -- and I haven't broken or damaged a thing out of anger in years.
i used to get really pissed off at everything, even got sent to anger management at one stage. but i have calmed down now. cant think why but i dont get as angry anymore
The trick is to remain calm and just deal with it. Determine what should be done about it and do it. If someone's pissing you off, tell them, don't hold it in. If something is frustrating you, take a break, or take a deep breath and figure it out rationally, etc. Takes practice, but it's worth it.
Going along with the other people here, yes its very important to deal with what is causing the anger. There really is no "Cure" because it really isnt anything abnormal. Basically, its a part of you and every other human. Everyone has their own way of dealing with it, some better than others. I have really great control over my emotions, but anger is a powerful thing. I have recognized this fact. You can actually use it to your advantage. For instance, I play hockey. It is true that anger does give you an extra burst of energy that not much else can. The key with hockey is to keep it controled so you dont get stupid penalities and act like an asshole. In otherwords and in conclusion, use the energy from you anger to do something constructive. I once got so mad, that I biked 20 miles and thought nothing of it. Another time I ran a mile, sat on a rock in the middle of a creek and meditated. Hope this helps Later T
Something that also helps, and even gets along the lines of Alpha´s focusing. Lift weights, or run/swim, whatever until you are too exhausted to go on. Thus you can kind of use your anger for self improvement. (Sort of, you should not go bashing people who piss you of as a means of training)
But I fear that this sort of "letting it out" is just a misplacement. It may seem okay, and relieving, but I think it avoids the real reason why one gets angry in the first place.
Depends why you are angry. If you are angry because you have a problem you are unable to solve or if you are frustrated about someone´s behaviour, this might not be a good thing. But if you are freaked out at your sewing machine, it might be better to run a round instead of destroying it. Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!
I wasn't freaked out at my sewing machine. *Anything* could freak me out back then. As for running around: It doesn't work for me. I am apparently so "visceral" that I can not pretend much to myself; that is, the pretense will not work, I will have to sit down and think it over why I am angry or frustrated etc.
Apparently you're not just "passing it off." It's piling up inside you until one day "every couple of months" you can't stand it any more and you dump all that compressed anger onto one hapless inanimate object. You people are pretty savvy. The last forty years of teaching people to get in touch with their feelings has apparently been working. I'm impressed. When I was a kid I got reprimanded for expressing any negative emotion. Fortunately my parents weren't the spanking kind, much less the all-too-common beating kind, but not all kids were that fortunate. For a person who has power over you to get angry at you because you're not supposed to get angry sends a very confusing and damaging message; all you learn is that when you finally grow up and seize power, you'll be able to get away with anything you want. The cycle continues. I knew a couple of teenagers who said the happiest day of their life was the day they discovered they had finally grown big enough that when their dad tried to beat them, they knocked him down and pounded the crap out of him. I despised my parents but I never even daydreamed about hurting them physically, and to this day I've never struck another human being. The trick, as everyone has either said or implied, is that you have to know that you're angry. Only then can you figure out why. A temper tantrum that's all out of proportion to the perceived cause is a warning sign that you haven't been paying attention to the other things that bother you. I once smashed a vacuum cleaner into a thousand pieces because the clamp that held the bag onto the engine came off twice during one cleaning and dumped all the dirt right back onto the floor. Clearly I was mad about at least one other, bigger thing. Of course, discovering what's bothering you can be pretty scary. It could be something that you feel you have no control over, like the way your parents treat you or your natural inability to learn a certain subject. It has been suggested by respected writers that the only reason we can stand being alive is that we constantly delude ourselves into believing things that aren't true. The primal example is the way most of us lead our lives in such a way that we seem to believe we will never die. 80-year-old people walk into insurance agencies and start the conversation with the phrase, "If I die..." Young people feel immortal, it's just natural. According to the philosophy I cited, it's one of the main reasons that most children who are fortunate enough to have good home lives are so incredibly happy. But eventually reality cannot be ignored. My g-g-generation (well, my little brother's if I'd had one) suddenly began embracing slogans like, "Hope I die before I get old." That was a Paradigm Shift from the attitudes of their elders at the same age, and one of the many symptoms of the schism known as the Generation Gap. It was also one of the many reasons that generation was so angry. I don't think the children born in the ensuing decades have been able to distance themselves from that realization, what with street crime, drug overdoses, and outright suicides -- as well as the occasional Columbine -- throwing death in their faces. Not to mention full-color big-screen live real-time TV news. We heard about bad stuff on the news breaks on the radio, if we didn't quickly change stations to keep the music flowing. You have reality tv. Franz Kafka said, "The meaning of life is that it ends." We are, arguably, the only species of animal that knows that. Perhaps the wisest of our cousins like elephants, gorillas, and whales understand it. But dogs and cats sure don't. They have no anxiety over the finiteness of life, no anger over its impending closure. And they are so damn happy for it, it's no wonder we love having them around. Hey, this is a bit of a bummer post, but I know that if any crowd can take it, it's you folks. The point is that it's quite possible to waste your life on anger over something that's simply part of nature. Maybe not your own death, maybe something much smaller in scope like your family life or school or your performance in your favorite sport or on your favorite musical instrument. Whatever it is, don't let it consume you so that you don't get to enjoy the rest of your life. That's why I recommend doing your best to figure out what you're angry about, whether it's something cosmic or something utterly mundane. If you can fix it, fix it. If it's a malfunctioning vacuum cleaner or sewing machine, throw it away and get a new one. For all the other stuff, do what everyone's been telling you. Exercise, TM, whiffle bats, sports, art, gardening, chess, volunteer work, talking about stuff candidly with people who are good enough friends that you can do that. And for the goddess's sake if you don't have a dog get one right away. Just don't let it build up inside you until it starts oozing out the cracks.
That's a very interesting post Fraggle. Although it's a little silly and simplified, the movie Anger Management provides an interesting approach. Plus, it's a hilarious comedy.
Yeah, the intent of my post was that one should focus their anger on solving the problem of what's causing the anger. Focusing it elsewhere doesn't help solve the problem.
Anyone who gets angry for a trivial reason which is 99.9% of the time is a fool, lacking sound judgement and self control. Do not let the sun go down on your anger.
When my computer doesn't work the way I want it to, I bang my fists on the table and yell. I don't care that I live in an apartment and the old lady below me and whoever next to me can hear me. Also, I get angry with my aunt and dad. They live in Portland and Anchorage respectively. They don't listen to my problems. Probably cuz I'm only 16. Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! I tried talking about problems I had with them from last summer while I was in Portland earlier this month, but it didn't work. I dunno how to let go of my anger around them. I guess I just wait til I get home. I get very angry, and sometimes I'm very quick to anger. Especially when I'm very stressed out. I remember one time while I was at school last May. I got soooo mad at a friend of mine. I managed to get to someone that could help me work it out with my friend, and I broke down and cried, I was so stressed and mad. That happens, I start crying when I'm so angry and I dunno what to do about it. . . . Okay, now I'm rambling. Anyway, now ya know a little about me. Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!
dig a hole, worked for me, whenever i get pissed off i just dig off my rage. lol, its 7 feet deep Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!
