Curses

Discussion in 'The Cesspool' started by GeoffP, May 18, 2015.

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  1. GeoffP Caput gerat lupinum Valued Senior Member

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    Oh, alack and alay! Does no one know where I can find a South Asian hex specialist?
     
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  3. Bells Staff Member

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    *Eye Twitch*
     
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  5. Tiassa Let us not launch the boat ... Staff Member

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    I would guess somewhere in South Asia?
     
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  7. Bells Staff Member

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    It can be a Cesspool.
     
  8. sculptor Valued Senior Member

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    And, here, I had thought that this would be a thread wherein we could share our favorite curses.
    Lemme shanghai this thread thusly:

    "May the bleeding piles torment you
    and corns grow on your feet
    and crabs as big as roaches
    hang on your balls and eat
    and when all the world forsakes you
    and you're a total wreck
    May your head fall through your asshole
    and break your fucking neck"

    From an L.A. mexican american army buddy, "Ram" who had a gift for words (he became a lithography printer).
     
  9. GeoffP Caput gerat lupinum Valued Senior Member

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    If only some caring bot would write in to let us know if someone was offering these services.

    ...Honestly, let's keep the plot here, people.
     
  10. iceaura Valued Senior Member

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    My favorite: http://www.biggararchaeology.org.uk/pdf_reports/BASTLE_CURSINGS.pdf (background)

    http://www.hiskingdomprophecy.com/monition-cursing/ (the text, original and "translation")

    This guy is said to have died long ago, but the model is a good one, and the style points worth picking up.

    The Archbishop of Glasgow curses the Border Reivers:

    {introduction and warmup}

    “Gude folks, heir at my Archibischop of Glasgwis letters under his round sele, direct to me or any uther chapellane, makand mensioun, with greit regrait, how hevy he beris the pietous, lamentabill, and dolorous complaint that pass our all realme and commis to his eris, be oppin voce and fame, how our souverane lordis trew liegis, men, wiffis and barnys, bocht and redeimit be the precious blude of our Salviour Jhesu Crist, and levand in his lawis, are saikleslie (innocently) part murdrist, part slayne, brynt, heryit, spulziet (spoiled) and reft, oppinly on day licht and under silens of the nicht, and thair takis (farms) and landis laid waist, and thair self banyst therfra, als wele kirklandis as utheris, be commoun tratouris, ravaris, theiffis, dulleand in the south part of this realme, sic as Tevidale, Esdale, Liddisdale, Ewisdale, Nedisdale, and Annandereaill; quhilis hes bene diverse ways persewit and punist be the temperale swerd and our Soverane Lordis auctorite, and dredis nocht the samyn.
    And thairfoir my said Lord Archbischop of Glasgw hes thocht expedient to strike thame with the terribill swerd of halykirk, quhilk thai may nocht lang endur and resist; and has chargeit me, or any uther chapellane, to denounce, declair and proclame thaim oppinly and generalie cursit, at this market-croce, and all utheris public places.

    Hairfor throw the auctorite of Almichty God, the Fader of hevin, his Son, our Saviour, Jhesu Crist, and of the Halygaist; throw the auctorite of the Blissit Virgin Sanct Mary, Sanct Michael, Sanct Gabriell, and all the angellis; Sanct John the Baptist, and all the haly patriarkis and prophets; Sanct Peter, Sanct Paull, Sanct Andro, and all haly appostillis; Sanct Stephin, Sanct Laurence, and all haly mertheris (martyrs); Sanct Gile, Sanct Martyn, and all haly confessouris; Sanct Anne, Sanct Katherin, and all haly virginis and matronis; and of all the sanctis and haly company of hevin; be the auctorite of our Haly Fader the Paip and his cardinalis, aned of my said Lord Archibischop of Glasgw, be the avise and assistance of my lordis, archibischop, bischopis, abbotis, priouris, and utheris prelatis and minesteris of halykirk.

    {the actual curse begins}

    I denounce, proclamis, and declaris all and sindry the committaris of the said saikles murthris, slauchteris, brinying, heirchippes, reiffis, thiftis and spulezeis, oppinly apon day licht and under silence ofnicht, alswele within temporale landis as kirklandis; togither with thair partakeris, assitaris, supplearis, wittandlie resettaris (knowing receivers) of thair personis, the gudes reft and stollen be thaim, art or part thereof, and their counsalouris and defendouris, of thair evil dedis generalie CURSIT, waryit , aggregeite, and reaggregeite, with the GREIT CURSING.

    I curse their heid and all the haris of thair heid; I curse thair face, thair ene, thair mouth, thair neise, thair tongue, thair teeth, thair crag, thair shoulderis, thair breist, thair hert, thair stomok, thair bak, thair wame*, thair armes, thais leggis, thair handis, thair feit, and everilk part of thair body, frae the top of their heid to the soill of thair feet, befoir and behind, within and without.

    I curse thaim gangand, and I curse them rydland; I curse thaim standand, and I curse thaim sittand; I curse thaim etand, I curse thaim drinkand; I curse thaim walkand, I curse thaim sleepand; I curse thaim risand, I curse thaim lyand; I curse thaim at hame, I curse thaim fra hame; I curse thaim within the house, I curse thaim without the house; I curse thair wiffis, thair barnis, and thair servandis participand with thaim in their deides. I way thair cornys, thair catales, thair woll, thair scheip, thjair horse, thair swyne, thair geise, thair hennes, and all thair quyk gude. I wary their hallis, thair chalmeris, thair kechingis, thair stanillis, thair barnys, thair biris, thair bernyardis, thair cailyardis thair plewis, thair harrowis, and the gudis and housis that is necessair for their sustentatioun and weilfair.

    ll the malesouns and waresouns (curses) that ever gat warldlie creatur sen the begynnyng of the world to this hour mot licht on thaim. The maledictioun of God, that lichtit apon Lucifer and all his fallowis, that strak thaim frae the hie hevin to the deip hell, mot licht apon thaimr. The fire and the swerd that stoppit Adam far the yettis (gates) of Paradise, mot stop thaim frae the gloire of Hevin. quhill (until) thai forbere and mak amendis. The malesound that lichtit on cursit Cayein, quhen his slew his bruther just Abell saiklessly, mot licth on thaim for the saikles slauchter that thai commit dailie. The maledictioun that lichtit apon all the warlde, man and beist, and all that ever tuk life, quhen all was drownit be the flude of Noye, except Noye and his ark, mot licht apon thame and drouned thame, man and beist, and mak this realm cummirless (free) of thame for thair wicked synnyes. The thunnour and fireflauchtis (lightning) that set doun as rane apon the cities of Zodoma and Gomora, with all the landis about, and brynt thame for thair vile sunnys, mot rane apon thame, and birne thaim for oppin synnis. Tha malesoun and confusion that lichtit on the Gigantis for thair oppressioun and pride, biggand (building) the tour of Bablloun, mot confound thaim and all thair werkis, for thair opppin reiffs and oppressioun. All the plagis that fell apon Pharao and his pepill of Egipt, thair landis, cornse, and cataill, mot fall apon thaim, thair takkis, rowmys (places) and stedingis, cornys and beistis. The watter of Tweid and utheris watteris quhair thair ride mot droun thaim, as the Reid Say drownit King Pharoao and his pepil of Egipt, sersewing Godis pepill of Israell. The erd mot oppin, riffe and cleiff (cleave), and swelly (swallow) thaim quyk to hell, as it swellyt cursit Dathan and Abiron, that genestude (withstood) Moeses and the command of God. The wyld fyre that byrnt Thore and his fallowis to the nowmer of twa hundredth and fyty, and utheris 14000 and 7000 at anys, usurpand aganis Moyses and Aaron, servandis of God, not suddanely birne and consume thaim dailie genestandand the commandis of God and halykirk. The malediction that lichtit suddanely upon fair Absalon, rydant contrair his fader, King David, servand of God, throw the wod, quhen the branchis of ane tre fred (parted) him of his horse and hangit him be the hair, mot lie apon thaain trew Scottis men, and hang thaim siclike tha all the warld may se. The Maledictioun that lichtit apon Olifernus, lieutenant to Nabogodonooser, makand weair (war) and heirchippis apon trew cristin men, the maledictioun that lichtit apon Judas, Pylot, Herod and the Jowis that chucifyit Our Lord, and all the plagis and trublis that lichtit on the citte of Jherusalme thairfor, and upon Simon Magus for his symony, bludy Nero, cusit Ditius Makcensisu, Olibruis, Julianus Apostita and the laiff (rest) of the cruell tirrannis that slew and murthirit Crits haly servandis, mot licth apon thame for thair cruel tiranny and murthirdome of cristin pepill.

    And all the vengeance that evir was takin sen the warlde began for oppin synnys, and all the plagis and pestilence that ever fell on man or beist, mot fall on thaim for thair oppin reiff, saiklesse slauchter and schedding of innocent blude. I disserver and pairtis thaim fra the kirk of God, and deliveris thaim quyk to the devill of hell, as the Apostill Sanct Paull deliverit Corinthion. I interdite the places thay cum in fra divine service, minitracioun of the sacramentis of halykirk, except the sacrament of baptissing allenerlie (only); and forbiddis all kirkmen to schriffe or absolbe thim of theire synnys, quhill they be firs abolyeit of this cursing.

    I forbid all cristin man or woman till have ony company with thaime, etand, drynkand, spekand, prayand, lyand, gangand, standand, or in any uther deid doand, under the paine of deidly syn. I discharge all bandis, actis, contractis, athis (oaths) and obligatiounis made to them by ony persounis, outher of lawte (out of loyalty), kyndenes or manrent (personal fealty), salang as thai susteined this cursing, sub that na man be bundin to thaim, and that this be bundin till all men. I tak fra thame and cryis douned all the gude dedis that ever thai did or sall do, quhill thai rise froae this cursing. I declare thaim partles (excluded) of of all matynys, messis, evinsangis, dirigeis or utheris prayeris, on buke or beid; of all pilgrimagis and almouse deids done or to be done in halykirk or be cristin pepill, enduring this cursing.
    And, finally, I condemn thaim perpetualie to the deip pit of hell, the remain with Lucifer and all his fallowis, and thair bodeis to the gallows of the Burrow Mure, first to be hangit, syne revin and ruggit (then ripped and torn) with doggis, swyne, and utheris wyld beists, abhominable to all the warld. And their candillis gangis frae your sicht, ast mot their saulis gang fra the visage of God, and thair gude faim fra the warld, quhill thai forbeir thair oppin synnys foirsaidis and ryse frae this terribill cursing, and mak satisfaction and pennance.”

     
    Last edited: May 19, 2015
    GeoffP likes this.
  11. sculptor Valued Senior Member

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    wowzer
     
  12. sideshowbob Sorry, wrong number. Valued Senior Member

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    Maybe not as colourful as some, but who can argue with Shakespeare?

    "GOOD FREND FOR IESVS SAKE FORBEARE
    TO DIGG THE DVST ENCLOASED HEARE
    BLESTe BE Ye MAN Yt SPARES THES STONES
    AND CVRST BE HE Yt MOVES MY BONES"​
     
  13. GeoffP Caput gerat lupinum Valued Senior Member

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  14. Kristoffer Giant Hyrax Valued Senior Member

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    May you live in interesting times.
     
  15. Fraggle Rocker Staff Member

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    Contrary to folklore, that is NOT an ancient Chinese curse. It was invented by a British civil servant who had never even been to China.
     
  16. Kristoffer Giant Hyrax Valued Senior Member

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    Still like it.
     
  17. Dinosaur Rational Skeptic Valued Senior Member

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    When in the Middle East circa 1960, the following were translations of two curses (parapharses, not actual quotes)
    The translation was by the British manager of a business.

    Americans & most Europeans merely use vulgar language. The Arabs have style.
     
  18. Trooper Secular Sanity Valued Senior Member

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    Why, is Bells Asian?

    "I had no idea Bells was Asian."

    I haven’t seen a South Asian hex specialist but I did see a love spell caster. Would that help?
     
  19. Daecon Kiwi fruit Valued Senior Member

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    I didn't realise South Asian hexes were that unique.
     
  20. GeoffP Caput gerat lupinum Valued Senior Member

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    Well, actually the whole point of the thread was an ironic commentary on the recent bot-bombing by ads for an India-based oracular service, including the normal array of 'black magic' incantation. As a kind of bot attack, I thought it was amusing and eccentric enough to deserve some kind of permanent comment. It goes into my spam wall next to the German holding company scam email I got about three weeks ago.

    Still, the the mere existence of this thread causes strife and chaos....

    Why, those sneaky bastards! They did put a curse on us!
     
  21. GeoffP Caput gerat lupinum Valued Senior Member

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    Oh, is that that lunatic Satyr's site?
     
  22. Bells Staff Member

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    Well I suppose if that is how some are going to be, I can stop with the ridiculous amount of extra effort I am making to try and stop them, from staying up half the night because no other mods are on, to nabbing them on my phone when I am out.

    Why should I bother making any extra effort when the response to said effort is insults?

    Because it is clear the extra hours I have been putting in to try to stop and slow them down will just result in insults and abuse. Enjoy the spam in the peak posting hours when no other moderators are on.
     
  23. Trooper Secular Sanity Valued Senior Member

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    I think it's safe to assume that it is. I was curious about this new member and stumbled on it. I guess she is Lyssa from that forum. I don't know. Beats me.

    How now brown cow?

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