Bible Sex Stories!!!!!!!!!

Discussion in 'Religion Archives' started by Preacher_X, May 2, 2004.

  1. Preacher_X Registered Senior Member


    i never knew the Bible was so "interesting"

    i bet they dont teach you that at Sunday School
  2. Rappaccini Redoubtable Registered Senior Member

  3. Persol I am the great and mighty Zo. Registered Senior Member

    I think I found religion.
  4. §outh§tar is feeling caustic Registered Senior Member

    my internet program blocks it so that i cannot look at the website.

    I guess God is preventing me from looking at something lewd.
  5. whitewolf asleep under the juniper bush Registered Senior Member

    Unfortunately, we all came from sex, including Muhammad the prophet. Strangely, sex is NOT the original sin! :p Even more strangely, god told us to procreate. :p So, nothing wrong with sex in Quran and Bible.
  6. §outh§tar is feeling caustic Registered Senior Member

    Looking at sex for carnal pleasure is not considered lewd?
  7. path Militant wiseguy Registered Senior Member

    Oh cool the muslim version of porn, hope you got your rocks off preacher :p
  8. Proud_Muslim Shield of Islam Registered Senior Member

    Here is more X-RATED stuff from the ' true word of God':

    Women's breasts are important sexual objects:

    The Bible in numerous places teaches us about women's breasts and talks about them at the same time it is talking about sexual fantasies and intercourse.

    Comparing the sister's breasts to the size of the towers:

    Let us look at the following verses: "We have a young sister, and her breasts are not yet grown. What shall we do for our sister for the day she is spoken for? (Song of Songs 8:8)" and later about the sister....."I am a wall, and my breasts are like towers. Thus I have become in his eyes like one bringing contentment. (Song of Songs 8:10)"

    Let us look at Song of Songs 4:5 "Your two breasts are like two fawns, like twin fawns of a gazelle that browse among the lilies."

    Let us look at Proverbs 5:19 "A loving doe, a graceful deer, may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love."

    Could it be meant to say "may her breasts sexually satisfy you"? :p

    Let us look at Song of Songs 1:13 "My lover is to me a sachet of myrrh resting between my breasts."

    Praising the bed that they had sex on:

    Let us look at Song of Songs 1:16 "How handsome you are, my lover! Oh, how charming! And our bed is verdant"


    The Bible should be banned totally from schools, it is X-rated over 18 fantasies story book !
  9. John Registered Member

    Consider this:

    For you to be born two people loved each other and had sex; at least once but probably more, lets say conservatively 10 times before conception and we can use this as the ‘standard’.
    For your parents to be born four people (two couples) loved each other and had sex at least twice probably more, say 20 times.
    For your grandparents to be born 8 people loved each other and had sex at least 4 times, say 40 times.
    For your great grandparents to be born 16 people loved each other and had sex at least 8 times, say 80.
    For your great great grandparents to be born 32 people loved each other and had sex at least 16 times, say 160.

    That’s five generations of lovemaking. Prior to your birth at least 31 sex acts were performed by your relatives but more probably 310. If each copulating couple preceding you had sex at the rate of three times a week for six months before conception that’s 504 for each couple. 31x504 = 15,624 sex acts were performed for you to come into existence. Therefore sex was a big part of your life even before it began. If the volume of ejaculate is assumed to be 5ml for each act then the total volume of sperm that was emitted for your benefit would be approximately 78 litres.

    Your existence is the result of voluminous amounts of bodily fluids being produced in acts of love, lust and perfunctory sex. There may have also been one or two orgasms, hopefully at least 31.

    Naturally we can ‘backstrapolate’ more than five generations but all this will achieve is to increase the enormity of sexual effort required to produce the individual that is you.

    The act of lovemaking creates the relativities that we take for granted. We belong to a family of people because they loved each other and had sex to combine bodily fluids to create the body of love that is now you.
  10. invert_nexus Ze do caixao Valued Senior Member

    There's also a verse somewhere (I don't have the initiative to go looking for it, sorry) about Solomon drinking from a woman's flower or something like that.

    I only read the one about Lot on the site. Funny how it stops before the punishment for such a dastardly deed was laid down. They make it seem like the bible is telling daughters to get busy with their fathers.

    edit: and from rappacini's link:

    Well that's exactly what the bible says too, so what's the difference?

    BTW, if the story of Lot is in the Qu'ran, wouldn't the story of incest about Lot's daughters be in there too? Or was that just too much for Muhammed? Maybe his daughters were ugly? :p
  11. DoctorNO Ultra Electro Agnostic Registered Senior Member

    Bible Version

    • 1 Kings 1:1-4

      Now king David was old and stricken in years; and they covered him with clothes, but he gat no heat.

      Wherefore his servants said unto him, Let there be sought for my lord the king a young virgin: and let her stand before the king, and let her cherish him, and let her lie in thy bosom, that my lord the king may get heat.

      So they sought for a fair damsel throughout all the coasts of Israel, and found Abishag a Shunammite, and brought her to the king.

      And the damsel was very fair, and cherished the king, and ministered to him: but the king knew her not.

    Islamist Version

    • David's Virgin Bedwarmer
      King David was very old, he always felt chilled to his bones. So his servants thought, let's find a beautiful young virgin to attend to him, to lie down beside him to keep his body warm. He's so old, what could be the harm?
      They searched far and wide and at last found a beautiful girl named Abishag. She agreed that she would keep David warm and cozy
      Each morning Abishag would bring him his herbal medicine and talk to him while he drank it. She would then begin to massage salves onto his body, making sure that she would manipulate all the special places of pleasure. Starting with his neck, she would massage down to his shoulders until he was relaxed. Then she would rub his back and buttocks, slideher lubed fingers along his his crack and slowly finger his balls. She would rub down his legs and feet and then have him turn over.
      She would start once again from his chest, down his stomach, and then would excite him by moving ever so leisurely along his royal organ until she could detect a little twitch. Then she would lay her long hair over his flaccid kinghood and tickle it back, sending shivers of delight through his body.

      Sometimes in the mornings, she would ask for hummus with his pita bread. He loved hummus and she would paint her nipples with it and she would lay close to his body as he licked the gooey goodness from her voluptuous young breasts, smacking his lips in bliss.

      David was happy with Abishag. Though he was very old and knew well he did not have long to live, he was content. At last he was warm

    So what can we say? Preacher X is just a horny young Islamist.
  12. DoctorNO Ultra Electro Agnostic Registered Senior Member

    You are just too horny. You give malicious meanings to otherwise harmless artistic material. LOL! :p
  13. Proud_Muslim Shield of Islam Registered Senior Member

  14. Proud_Muslim Shield of Islam Registered Senior Member

    Oh really ?? how about this ?

    Fantasizing about a girl he calls his "sister". Her vagina tastes like wine for him. And they had sex all night long. After he satisfied her really good, she wished if he were her brother (her biological brother nursed by her "mother's breast" as she said) so she doesn't have to take him home secretly:

    Let us look at Song of Songs 4:9 "You have stolen my heart, my sister, my bride; you have stolen my heart with one glance of your eyes, with one jewel of your necklace." Fantasizing about his sister? at least he shows in this verse that he would!.

    Let us look at Song of Songs 4:10 "How delightful is your love, my sister, my bride! How much more pleasing is your love than wine, and the fragrance of your perfume than any spice!" Making love to his own sister? "pleasing is your love (making???) than wine"?

    Let us look at Song of Songs 4:12 "You are a garden locked up, my sister, my bride; you are a spring enclosed, a sealed fountain."

    Sleeping with his sister:

    Let us look at Song of Songs 5:4 "I slept but my heart was awake. Listen! My lover is knocking: 'Open to me, my sister, my darling, my dove, my flawless one. My head is drenched with dew, my hair with the dampness of the night.' I have taken off my robe [showed off his groin in other words] must I put it on again? I have washed my feet, must I soil them again? My lover thrust his hand through the latch-opening; my heart began to pound for him." What a disgusting way for someone to talk so pervertly about his sister like that!!.

    Let us look at Song of Songs 5:8 "O daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you-- if you find my lover, what will you tell him? Tell him I am faint with love." Teaching women to be sexually too open.

    Her vagina tastes like wine:

    "How beautiful your sandaled feet, O prince's daughter! Your graceful legs are like jewels, the work of a craftsman's hands. Your navel is a rounded goblet that never lacks blended wine. Your waist is a mound of wheat encircled by lilies. Your breasts are like two fawns, twins of a gazelle. Your neck is like an ivory tower. Your eyes are the pools of Heshbon by the gate of Bath Rabbi.
    I said 'I will climb the palm tree; I will take hold of its fruit.' May your breasts be like the clusters of the vine, the fragrance of your breath like apples, and your mouth like the best wine. (The NIV Bible, Song of Songs 7:1-4, 8-9)"

    The bible should be banned !! it is very corrupting book.
  15. DoctorNO Ultra Electro Agnostic Registered Senior Member

    I said "Islamist". Islamists like you love to use that silly version. Thereby you Islamists make that version your own. ;) I know, youre about the upteenth muslim ive seen falling prey for that joke. HORNY FELLA! :D
  16. Preacher_X Registered Senior Member

    they are just the rewads in heaven. nothing more. they are not talking about sister shagging like the Bible is. and there are stories of prophets or followers having sex. and there is no graphic detail about having sex on Earth.

    all is said is that there will be beautiful virgins waiting in Paradise. the Bible has plenty of stories that the Prophets did on Earth.
  17. Preacher_X Registered Senior Member

    yes according to the Quran, there is nothing wrong with a MARRIED couple having sex but in the Bible it is seen as a sin even though the Bible is filled with stories of SISTER shagging and weird stories of sex, that have no significance and shouldn't be in the Bible in the first place.
  18. DoctorNO Ultra Electro Agnostic Registered Senior Member

    Easy, bub. Are you even aware that there are many kinds of “sister”? Like the “Sisters in Islam”.

    • Sister through biological parentage
    • Sister through faith
    • Sister through ancestry, as they are all children of Israel

    Now is there anything there that says the bride was his biological sister (through parentage)?
  19. DoctorNO Ultra Electro Agnostic Registered Senior Member

    Where oh where does it say “vagina” there? LOL! Such a filthy mind you have. :D
  20. whitewolf asleep under the juniper bush Registered Senior Member

    Actually, back in the day, many women would die at child birth or would not be able to conceive and nothing could be done about that, while people tried to have as many children as they could. So, back up plans were needed, and examples of those are in the Bible, yes. This continued through the Middle Ages, too. There are sex stories in which wrong-doings are punished. If people tried to actually read the text without any prejudice it would have been better.

Share This Page