16 reasons Jesus was a liberal

Discussion in 'Politics' started by Magical Realist, Feb 6, 2013.

  1. Magical Realist Valued Senior Member

    This has probably been done before. But here's my version of it:

    1. He believed in giving to the poor and hungry (miracle of loaves and fishes)

    2. He believed in free universal healthcare (he healed the sick)

    3. He didn't have a job and sponged off rich people

    4. He believed in public transportation (he rode an ass into Jerusalem)

    5. Believed in the redistribution of wealth ("sell all your possessions")

    6. Preached peace and love man!

    7. Taught that his kingdom was in your heart and not under your feet.

    8. Had long hair and wore sandels.

    9. Drank wine (turned the water into wine).

    10. Was a pacifist ("turn the other cheek")

    11. Encouraged his followers to live in communes and to share their possessions.

    12. Was for weapon control ("he who draws the sword will die by the sword")

    13. Believed in rehabilitating criminals (forgave the thief on the cross.)

    14. Did social work (hung out with prostitutes and drunks and the homeless)

    15. Disliked rich men. (like a camel thru the eye of needle)

    16. Supported climate control (stilled the storm at sea)
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  3. ccdan Registered Member

    He was a communist, just like most conservatives are.

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  5. Pandaemoni Valued Senior Member

    Obviously this was meant all in fun, but being bored at work, I have decided to take it far too literally.

    That was voluntary private charity, so the question would be whether he'd approve of Romans compelling welfare payments to the poor. Since Rome was very much willing to do just that (at least in the city of Rome to the Roman plebs, who were given free food and entertainment, not so much among the provincials), he could have some opinion, but I think it was unrecorded. Conservatives are always touting the merits of private charity, so the Jesus' approval of that doesn't convey much info.

    Not quite universal. Recall that you had to have faith. In Matthew 15:21-28 he refuses to heal the daughter of a Canaanite woman until she grovels and begs for help. Jesus even reproved her for her request saying, "It is not right to take the children’s bread and toss it to their dogs." After she continues to beg notwithstanding being likened to a dog, Jesus relents.

    So he was not exactly offerig his services to one and all. You had to have faith (or at least survive his hazing).

    He mostly sponged what he could off the working poor. Any good Wall Street guy has got to love that.

    Unless that ass was government property, it wasn't really public transportation. Likely as not it was private property that someone lent to him (or that he stole).

    He believed in private property, commerce and the right to bear arms ("But now if you have a purse, take it, and also a bag; and if you don’t have a sword, sell your cloak and buy one.")

    Though there's also a time and place for peace through aggression. Ecclesiastes 3:1, 3, & 8 say, “There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under the heaven…a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build…a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.”

    Revelation 19:15,-16 speaking of Jesus, declares, "From His mouth comes a sharp sword, so that with it He may strike down the nations, and He will rule them with an iron scepter; and He treads the winepress of the fierce wrath of God Almighty. And on His robe and on His thigh He has a name written, 'KING OF KINGS, AND LORD OF LORDS.'"

    I know more conservatives focused on the hereafter than I do liberals, and Jesus was focused on how to get into heaven moreso than he was on satisfying the dictates of owe's own heart. Jesus said no man approaches the Father but through Jesus himself. No exception was made for those who sincerely and in good faith choose to reject Jesus.

    Ted Nugent has long hair, and he's a right wing nut. Sandles, I will grant you.

    Plenty of conservatives drink, so you can't take too much from that.

    See above, but also:

    “Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to turn ‘a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law---a man’s enemies will be the members of his own household’” (Matthew 10:34-36). “From the days of John the Baptist until now, the kingdom of heaven has been forcefully advancing, and forceful men lay hold of it” (Matthew 11:12).

    "For whoever has, more will be given to him, and he will have more than enough. But whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken away from him."

    That may be out of context, but so are most of the passages often used to support communism. Jesus chief concern was spiritual well-being, not bodily well-being. He was concerned with salvation of the soul, not the struggles of the body. “My kingdom is not of this world” (John 18:36). Therefore, Christians are to focus on Heaven, and while they yield unto Caesar that which is Caesar’s, they are supposed to deny to Caesar that which is God’s (Matthew 22:21).

    When Jesus does tell people to share, the sharing is a choice. When Communists do, it is a compulsion that will be backed up by force.

    This is why Paul, who knew Jesus, doesn't shirk from saying that you should not to expect handouts if you don't work. “If anyone will not work, neither shall he eat” (2 Thessalonians 3:10)

    That's not really weapon control, just an admonition fo those who turn to violence too often when other means would have sufficed. He was pro-self-defense, hence 'sell your cloak and buy a sword.'

    But that is not absolute, and he didn't use his magic powers to save the thief, even after the other thief demanded just that. That forgiveness was therefore spiritual salvation, which Jesus offered to everyone. It was not forgiveness for the crimes on Earth but of sin. After the first thief demands Jesus save them all...

    "But the other criminal rebuked [the first]. 'Don’t you fear God,' he said, 'since you are under the same sentence? We are punished justly, for we are getting what our deeds deserve. But this man has done nothing wrong.' Then he said, 'Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.'

    Jesus answered him, 'Truly I tell you, today you will be with me in paradise.'"

    Luke 23:40-43

    Jesus forgave trhe man's sin and allowed him to go to Heaven...*after* the man accepted that his execution was just and correct.

    As St. Augustine said, "Mercy in the absence of justice leads to weakness."

    Missionaries of all sorts tend to dwell with the poor and the lowly, and they tend to be conservatives today.

    That is not clearly a statement of Jesus' personal affinity for the wealthy. In fact in the New testament God is love, so no one is ever kept out of Heaven, in Christian theology because God dislikes them, but because of sin. Rich men are more prone to be denied Heaven for their wealth makes a focus on temporal matters easier, at the cost of their immortal souls.

    Conservatives are very pro-weather modification. All conservatives who can afford climate control support that. Liberals are the ones that rebuke you for setting the AC or the heat too high, and admonish us when we do anything that changes the weather. Besides "global warming" is for science nerds, and everyone knows that religion (represented by Jesus) and science (represented by . . . hmm . . . let's say Hitler) don't mix. Notice how when Jesus stilled that storm or walked on water, or healed the sick, or raised the dead, etc., there is no plausible scientific explanation for it. Jesus clearly was no prisoner to science.
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  7. AlexG Like nailing Jello to a tree Valued Senior Member

    Evidence that Jesus was Irish.

    1. He worked in the construction trade.

    2. He drank with every meal.

    3. He was convinced til his dying day that his mother was a virgin.
  8. wellwisher Banned Banned

    Jesus sacrificed himself for others. "It is not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country." He can't be fully liberal since he was not about big government and entitlements. He was against big government rule. He believed in hard work and sacrifice. He was not pro-business either since he tipped over the tables of the businesses who were selling things that the people did not need. He did not like bling but preferred simplicity.

    Jesus like the poor because they needed saving even more than the well off. He would have preferred the company of the liberals of today but would work to get them past their depraved minds and perversions. Jesus liked to party and was called a drunkard and glutton by the self righteous. He even included drinking alcohol in a ceremony that would honor his life and death; do this in memory of me. Liberals copy this with various substances. The reason was, alcohol allows the natural to come out and the censor part of the brain to become inhibited. The inner man comes out to play from behind the social mask. The inner man is real the mask is fabricated.

    As far as a virgin birth, this is theoretically possible. When an ovum matures, the DNA duplicates twice and 3/4 of this doubled DNA is extruded leaving only 1/2 DNA within the ovum as it matures. The sperm adds the other 1/2 DNA to active process. What would happen of the mature ovum pulled the needed 1/2 DNA from what had been extruded, back into the ovum? It would have full DNA again, all from the mother. Male and females both have half male (sperm) and half female (ovum) DNA; both come from union of male and female DNA. Mary would have male DNA from her father. Her body could use dad's archived DNA, since it contains all the male genes that formed her.

    Maybe we could run an experiment where we use extruded ovum DNA to fertilize an ovum. If this was possible, it would allow women to have their own clones. Jesus would have a similar personality to Mary (soft, pliable but determined).
  9. joepistole Deacon Blues Valued Senior Member

    Oh but he was much more than that, by American conservative standards, he was a socialist Marxist, fascist, commie, hippie liberal alien without a certificate of live birth.
  10. joepistole Deacon Blues Valued Senior Member

    Yep, sounds Irish to me!

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  11. spidergoat Venued Serial Membership Valued Senior Member

    Edit: deleted
    Last edited: Feb 7, 2013
  12. rodereve Registered Member

    Ah, but dont forget Jesus was also pro-taxes, by the famous line "Give unto Caesar the things which are Caesar's" when talking about giving taxes to the government.

    Remember that Jesus' genealogy in the bible goes through the line of King David until Joseph, how is that possible with a virgin birth. Also, Jesus would have been a very defective person if he was created from both Mary's own paternal and maternal DNA, just like inbreeding causes more genetically-defective babies but would much more polarized in this instance.
  13. joepistole Deacon Blues Valued Senior Member

    Did Jesus not say give unto Caesar what is Caesar’s?

    “Jesus said to them, “Render to Caesar the things that are Caesar’s, and to God the things that are God’s.” And they marveled at him.” Mark 12:17

    And then we have, “For they all contributed out of their abundance, but she out of her poverty has put in everything she had, all she had to live on.” – Mark 12:44.

    And then there is Leviticus 23:22 as Jesus endorsed the Old Testament.

    "'When you reap the harvest of your land, do not reap to the very edges of your field or gather the gleanings of your harvest. Leave them for the poor and the alien. I am the LORD your God.'"

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