Arguments are capable of ruining a relationship. When there is a problem involved within the relationship, the last thing you need to be doing is arguing with the person you love and the person who loves you. Typically, with arguing, brings anger and hurt feelings because instead of communicating in a more civilized and progressive way, we call each other mean names, make each other feel bad, and nothing resolves from doing so. Our words are very powerful. Depending on what is said during an argument, can destroy the self-esteem of both involved. It can ruin the feelings you once had for each other. Events remain in the back of our minds forever. Especially meeting someone you fell in love with and then in turn he or she hurts your feelings. Thoughts and words can permeate into your mind to where you could possibly believe that you are as low as that person made you feel or as great as he or she could have made you feel. No one wants to be yelled at or ridiculed or complained about, but the problem needs to be fixed. You must remain mature and understanding towards conflict. The two involved can either yell and scream at each other about presumed short-comings, talk about the actual problem in a loving and compassionate manner, or cut the ties, if the problem just can not be resolved. What often happens is that the two people involved have used improper and ineffective communication for so long that they are so hurt by what the other has said and that it can not be resolved. Sometimes, there is too much damage made against each other through disagreement. If you’re reminded by someone all the time about how unhappy you make he or she feel, you start to feel like you can’t make anyone happy. In a sense, you’re being brainwashed by their words. To those who have been criticized, you may not enjoy it, but you have to accept what other people are going to think of you. And you may not like what your love thinks of you, but you can either truly accept what he or she said and/or thinks or leave. If you really love each other, anger shouldn’t be involved. Anger is not involved with love. I wouldn’t want to hurt the person I loved by anger and I wouldn’t want my lover angry. There are many other ways I can express how I feel my love has possibly hurt me, if I even decide to mention it at all. Because I would never want my lover to possibly feel inadequate. No matter the scenario, I would make sure I treated he or she the way I would want myself treated. In any conflict, in any kind of situation. You should always say how you feel, but I would always try and make sure you truly mean the way you feel. If you confront your lover on a problem, make sure the problem you are having is the actual problem and solve it. You solve problems by talking about them. And when talking about them, I would suggest to disengage and refrain yourself from the following: 1. Raising your voice 2. Name calling 3. Physical abuse 4. Bringing up conflicts from the past 5. Making a point to make the other person feel guilty or wrong 6. Keeping thoughts inside A couple is capable of being together and in love without arguing. I have seen and felt what a relationship was like without arguing and those relationships turned out far more successful than ones I have experienced with the constant arguments. Don’t feel like you have to yell or scream to get your point across, but to speak calmly, compassionately, and honestly will do that for you. I refuse to be part of an argument. I discuss and at times I can become quite passionate about what I am discussing. Calling people names will only hurt someone’s feelings. Placing your hands on someone will only end out in pain. The past is the past and lovers do not dwell on the past, for if they do, they do not truly love who is there presently. It’s not anyone’s right to make anyone feel a certain way or control their mind. Never keep your feelings inside because they will only eat you away. For years they can and will stay.
It seems not everyone like to read a long winded post... Everyone has a temper. And everyone is different. Always be "tactful". And there are lots of people to be with. If you don't find one that fits, look some more. As for arguing it comes with temper and hurt feelings and misunderstandings.
Uh....I think that a lot of the OP is a tad oversimplified. Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! I would also suggest that to expect 2 members of homo sapiens - the principle predator on this planet - to get along peachy-keen and lovey-dovey at all times 24/7/365 without breach, misunderstanding or disagreement of any kind is extremely naive. :bugeye: Have you ever been 'of 2 minds' or 'torn' over a decision you had to make? If so, then - like most all of us - you have had an argument with yourself. If you cannot always agree with yourself, how can you rationally expect to always get along with another person? Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! R1D2 has a good point as well. Mere verbosity does not necessitate interesting content.
Loganonlove, I liked the six points in your list, and agree with your guidelines. I think that you have put good thought into how people can get along with each other.
What a beautiful post. Thank you. Here is a part which resonates with me: This also applies to those who dwell in the future. The past is just a story that happened to someone who looked like you. The future is just a story about someone resembling you who may or may not be around to see the future anyway. There is only now. Love the one you're with. Live in the moment. ---Futilitist
Over simplified? How so? Of course I have been "torn," but that has to do with me. That kind of "argument" is completely different than arguing with someone else. I am not saying a relationship is never going to involve an argument. You're being overly technical when you know what I am really trying to say.. And I have met couples who RARELY argue. It does happen and that kind of love is very real. People are able to argue without being mean or immature, but that's not really arguing, that is an attempt to communicate effectively. My content isn't going to be interesting to everyone. Already knew that. Tell me something I don't know.
Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! this is getting mushy. Back to the op. So the definition is... argue[ ahr-gyoo ] verb (used without object) 1.*to present reasons for or against a thing: He argued in favor of capital punishment. 2.*to contend in oral disagreement; dispute: The Senator argued with the President about the new tax bill. verb (used with object) 1.*to state the reasons for or against: The lawyers argued the case. 2.*to maintain in reasoning: to argue that the news report must be wrong. 3.*to persuade, drive, etc., by reasoning: to argue someone out of a plan. 4.*to show; prove; imply; indicate: His clothes argue poverty. arguing[word] Main Entry: argue Part of Speech: verb Definition: verbally fight Synonyms: altercate bandy battle bicker break with buck, bump heads, contend, cross, cross swords, disagree, dispute, face down, face off, feud, gang up on, get in one's face, go one on one, hammer, hammer away, hash, hash over, hassle, have at each other, have at it, jump, jump on, knock around, lock horns, mix it up, petti fog, pick an argument, put up a fight, put up a struggle, quarrel, quibble, rehash, rows, assset to, sock it, to squabble, stick it, to talk back, wrangle http://www.dictionary.com
Is that a rule violation? I don't know where her blog is. I'm glad I saw her post here. ---Futilitist
Google her nick (user name). Yeah, and sometimes that means one person has completely squashed the other into total submission - which has nothing to do with "real love". It has to do with power and dominance. Further, not arguing can be getting along or it can mean avoiding crucial relationship issues. I deeply appreciate the unfortunate nature of some of your' previous life experiences, perhaps those are the reason you have chosen to repeat yourself here. I am not so sure that I can agree with the summary judgement you have made on your parents relationship, however, not being aware of the details beyond what you have stated. They had to have some kind of feeling for each other in order to produce 4 children together though. Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! You seem to be a bit confused over the difference between a discussion and an argument. OK, here are several things you do not appear to know. By your own statements on your blog, you have not experienced what you call "true love", yet at your tender age you claim to know what that is and how to concisely define it. Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! You appear to be talking (lecturing) about something you have neither experienced nor understand. If you were to ask yourself why you have made the romantic choices that you have made, chosen partners who were abusive towards you and made you feel poorly about yourself, the answers may well be of great benefit to you. Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! The defensive nature of your discourse with others here thus far speaks volumes as well. New users here (like you) have their nick displayed in black. Long term members (like me) have nicks displayed in green. Moderator and administrator nicks are displayed in blue. Posting the same stuff in multiple locations is called "spamming". Consider looking that term up in the site rules. Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!
There is submission and dominance in all relationships. One is always going to be more dominant than the other. That is inevitable. My biological father and mother fought all the time. For their entire marriage. Not one day were they happy with each other because they were so different. You would have to be really close and understanding with each other for harmful arguments to lose existence. I don't just base my opinions on how my mother and step-father have worked out. I observe all people. Actually, I am not confused at all. In a relationship, effective discussion is made when two people share their thoughts with each other, without malicious words or thoughts. The feelings of both are considered because they love each other. Whereas with an argument/fight, they are typically not. I am aware that in another light, an argument is just a debate. When people debate successfully, there is an understanding and truth is found. How do I not understand? Because I have not found true love? I have asked myself those questions many times which has brought me to what I believe to be true. You must have Googled my nickname. Sorry to spam. I wouldn't want to use up the site storage. I'll post them as links for now on..
I'll just make one comment. I find it a little condescending for someone to sign up on a forum just so they can "enlighten us with their wisdom". Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! :bugeye:
A blog is not a discussion. This is not an example of posting the same stuff in multiple locations. Does this site have a clear definition of "spamming"? The word is very often used arbitrarily to justify sanctions. Without a clear, workable definition, the people who run this site should not be surprised that there are problems here. People tend to rebel against being treated unfairly. I'm new, but this is only one example of many bad policies that I have already found here. This question applies to all forums. Why is everyone so content to just wink at each other over the use and misuse of the words "spam" and "spamming"? You are only hurting yourselves. The internet is the greatest living experimental laboratory ever created. Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! ---Futilitist
There are different types of arguing, but in the context of sexual relationships it hightens the emotional senses and makes for a great shag afterwoods.
It is interesting people think of searching a name. I don't recall it soon enough I guess. But why does people search a name so fast? And I don't know... What my "name" brought up... Guess I need more time to search and be paranoid. Miss L, interesting stuff was brought up for you...
