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Thread: The Easiest Punch Line Ever

  1. #1
    Let us not launch the boat ... Tiassa's Avatar
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    Cool The Easiest Punch Line Ever

    Just ... Don't. Don't Even Say It. You Know What I Mean.

    Must control self.

    Okay, let's just start with the headline:


    Yeah. You read that correctly.

    Need I go on?

    Perhaps. That is, to be a bit more specific, Clay Dillow explains:

    Something to reflect on over your lunch break today: Scientists are developing a new approach for producing human-derived gelatin in large enough quantities to be a commercially viable replacement for the animal-based gelatins used in all kinds of gelatin-like desserts, candies, and other foodstuffs as well as pharmaceuticals and cosmetics. Think about that next time you crack open a mid-afternoon pudding snack.

    Gelatin is used as a gelling agent in all kinds of things and is generally derived from the collagen in animal bones and skin (particularly cows and pigs). Broken down, itís just a mixture of peptides and proteins. But itís still derived from animals, which means there is a risk, however slight, that it could provoke immune system responses in humans or carry infectious diseases. Moreover, animal gelatin can be inconsistent from batch to batch, giving headaches to quality control managers at production plants. And it's not vegetarian.

    As such, scientists have tried all kinds of ways to create a better gelatin, and they think they may have found it, right here in us. To create the human-derived gelatin, human genes are inserted into yeast strains that are tuned to produce gelatin in specific, controlled ways. That creates for a more consistent gelatin--and also a twinge of nausea.

    Don't say it.

    Don'tó!

    I know ... I know.
    ____________________

    Notes:

    Dillow, Clay. "Next-Generation Gelatin Could be Derived from Humans Instead of Animals". PopSci. July 13, 2011. PopSci.com. July 13, 2011. http://www.popsci.com/science/articl...derived-humans

  2. #2

  3. #3
    Let us not launch the boat ... Tiassa's Avatar
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    30,521

    Cool Most Excellent

    Now that's better.

    Thank ye, sir.

  4. #4
    Pfft.
    It's derived from yeast, not humans.

    Yeast with some coding copied from human DNA is yeast. It's much less human-like than pigs and cows.


    And of course...





















    GREEN JELLO IS PEOPLE!
    Last edited by Pete; 07-14-11 at 02:11 AM.

  5. #5
    yikes
    much much better!

  6. #6
    Let us not launch the boat ... Tiassa's Avatar
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    30,521

    Cool Four and twenty blackbirds

    Quote Originally Posted by Pete
    GREEN JELLO IS PEOPLE!
    Maybe that's why it makes me horny.

    Oh, wait. That's supposed to be M&Ms, isn't it?

    You know, that's the funny thing about urban legends. It wasn't an urban legend when I was a teenager. It was a dumb joke among some girls I knew. Just one of those things people say, like orange M&Ms will help her boobs grow. It's not based on anything. It's just an excuse for a bunch of friends to laugh their asses off when one presents the other with a Mason jar full of orangeóand/or green, if she's not just flat but also a prudeóM&Ms.

    Seriously.

    I'm starting to think urban legends are, themselves, urban legends.

    Any dumb saying or stupid joke, all you have to do is pretend that someone, somewhere decided it was true, and then feel good about debunking it by saying, "Aw, that's just an urban legend."

    And since the phrase "urban legend" has become ubiquitous during my lifetime ....

    Oh, right. Never mind.

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