Your Relationships

blackmonkeystatue

Unregistered User
Registered Senior Member
I've got a question about all of your relationships, whether you're married or not, or in a committed relationship or not. In successful relationships you've had, how did they start? How was the relationship?

Was there that magical movie moment where it was fate and you knew it was right and this and that...all passionate and such?

Or was it more of a lukwarm coming together? Where it wasn't magic, but you guys "could" go together? I don't really know what I'm trying to say, but hopefully you all do.

Why I'm asking is because, well, lukewarm is all I seem to get. I'm a pretty agreeable person, really easy to get along with. Don't have any enemies and have never had any bad relationships with women. On the flip side, I've never really hit it off with anyone. All of my girlfriends have been so-so. We're not ideal, but the idea of us together isn't completely daft. We're simply OK--get along well and have fun and all that, but don't have the pure unbridled passion that you read about in books or see in those chick flicks.

So, my question is should I keep looking for this unicorn? Or do they really not exist? How are your relationships? Any of you have successful long-term (i.e. 5+years/marriage) relationships on lukewarm-ity or do you need the hotness to go the distance? I appreciate anyone's input, maybe more curiosity that anything...maybe.
 
I think none of them started lukewarm. All started quite hot and intense. Just go for it. You have to let go of all inhibitions and dooooo it.

That is how it gets hot. me thinks.

I had one succesful relationship (5 years - but is it really succesful if it still ends after 5 years?).

One I thought was THE one, but it ended anyway because of long distance.
 
My relationship started at college...and we all know how they start off ;) Boring as hell and as awkward as possible.

But keep looking for that unicorn, think about what you want in a person and go for it.Set some standards.
 
Try as many different dishes as you can, my friend, whether lukewarm, steaming hot or cold.

I agree with Thor that eventually you'll find that unicorn but my opinion would be set principles rather than standards. Principles are something you live up to, and can control, standards are something the other must live up to, which you cannot control.
 
I don't know how old you are but if you are over 35 then I'd say your "unicorn" isn't going to be found and you should set your sights on anyone willing and compatable to be your companion or mate. If you keep trying to find that perfect match it may not ever happen because you'll never find your mother out there. If you are under 35 then there's a chance you may find bliss and that someone special just like mom.

I was lucky to find my mate when I was only 24 and she was 20. We met at a rock concert and went out together alot afterwards. She and I liked the same things and had many same interests and we knew we loved each other from the start. It wasn't magic but good communication skills that we had because we enjoyed talking about many things. Either you hit it off or you don't and move on. Don't waste time if you really like her/him for they may not want to wait and see, get busy right away if you want to keep them close to you.
 
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I don't believe in unicorns. You find someone who fits your personality and beliefs on most of the major points (religion, money, career, kids, marriage, etc.) and you improvise the rest. I am in a committed relationship (not married but close) with another poster on this forum. And despite what the author of the Love Connection thread might intimate, we did not meet here.
 
Percy Sledge Lyrics

When A Man Loves A Woman Lyrics

When a man loves a woman
Can't keep his mind on nothing else
He'll trade the world
For the good thing he's found
If she's bad he can't see it
She can do no wrong
Turn his back on his best friend
If he put her down

When a man loves a woman
Spend his very last dime
Tryin' to hold on to what he needs
He'd give up all his comfort
Sleep out in the rain
If she said that's the way it ought to be

Well, this man loves a woman
I gave you everything I had
Tryin' to hold on to your precious love
Baby, please don't treat me bad

When a man loves a woman
Down deep in his soul
She can bring him such misery
If she plays him for a fool
He's the last one to know
Lovin' eyes can't ever see

When a man loves a woman
He can do no wrong
He can never own some other girl
Yes when a man loves a woman
I know exactly how he feels
'Cause baby, baby, baby, you're my world

When a man loves a woman.....
 
hey, there's nothing wrong with comfort. i've had that unicorn, twice, and i couldn't WAIT to get past it to where we were comfortable together. in fact, the first time had so much passion that it was volatile and we eventually exploded (even being broken up for several years we still have occasional flare-ups and phone slamming). eventually you get too old for tumultuous relationships.
 
While I don't believe in the "One true love" notion, I do believe that there has to be some magic to keep the relationship alive. There has to be something that draws you together and keeps you there. And it's really important to be attracted to your mate, both physically and intellectually. It gets boring quickly, and the relationship stales if you don't have it. Relationships without it that do last are usually some pathetic symbiotic relationship of co-dependant and dependee, neither one wanting to leave because of what the other does for them.

I myself love waking up to my husband every morning even after 9 years of marriage. I like the way our feet rub together when we sleep, and I like the way he smiles when I kiss him half asleep when I'm off to work. We have two children now, and still occasionally sneak off for a quickie or sit on the couch together all wrapped up in each other. He makes me laugh, and he likes that I am smart. He's someone I can debate with that can keep up with me (and most often win) and we agree on things like movies and music. We disagree on a lot of things too, but none of them have to do with raising our family or the way we live our life. It's important to have similar values and goals, or too much gets in the way.

There still has to be that flutter in your heart. That excitement. That lust. Anything less is a farce, and will eventually fade or become stagnant and anyone who tells you that you don't need it is a fool who settled.
 
cosmictraveler said:
Either you hit it off or you don't and move on.

Good advice Cosmic. You either spark or you don't - it isn't something that grows over time.

Spurious, my beau is not well loved on this forum so I'm not inclined to give his monicker away. You are right, he is lucky. Then again so am I.
 
I'm laughing my ass off Swedish. :D

PM with a woman who referred to herself as 'Princess'? That's irony.
 
nothing against him. but then i don't pay attention much. who doesn't like him?

isn't he the one with the neice he's crazy about?
 
Why I'm asking is because, well, lukewarm is all I seem to get. I'm a pretty agreeable person, really easy to get along with
I know the feeling, at least i did until last year.
but don't have the pure unbridled passion that you read about in books or see in those chick flicks.
Thats called fantasy and its there because most people dream of that but wont ever get it.
I've been with someone for a year now and things are up and down, but thats love for you and it takes time to get everything right, when you meet the right person you'll know(i know it sounds cheesy), its just one of those things.
There really is someone for everyone you just may or may not find them, i got lucky, you might too or you may have to decide between being alone and having an average relationship, main thing is you enjoy yourself, things cant always be good or bad so just do your best to get what you want and remember nothing and nobody is perfect.
 
Blackmonkey:
In successful relationships you've had, how did they start? How was the relationship?
Started with gasoline and latex.
Ended with a love rash.

On the serious: only the normal happens to the normal.


Fireguy:
Try as many different dishes as you can, my friend, whether lukewarm, steaming hot or cold.
Yeah and get crabs with the fishsauce, stupid slut.
 
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