What will YOU do when the zombies come?

[GeoffP]

Zombies.

Love them, hate them, or flee from a howling mob of them through a darkened back alley while trying to reload a .30-.30, zombies are in the collective consciousness and unconsciousness of everyone with a subliminal sexual cannibalism mania. (That means YOU, Joe Q.)

It's an observation of mine that great minds, and poor ones, think alike. Now, it's not a question of whether the zombies are ever going to come. (Obviously, they are.) Rather, I've run into this attitude several times and I'm curious to see just how many people are emotionally absorbed by this impossible topic to invest valuable hours of brain-time that would otherwise go into DragonBall Z or Wii or even internet pornography into the conception and planning of a fortified locale or other survival strategy with which to "survive the rise" and wait out the long, long road to the return of civilization from the brink of destruction by the zombie menace.

Yet - in testimony either to their blissful ignorance of the impending holocaust, or maybe an addiction to "Extreme Home Makeover" - even mental preparation for the Last Great Zombie War appears to be lacking in most members of the human population with two X chromosomes. That is, wimmin. Gurls. Them.

So, to wit, if perhaps you could quietly file past, without panic but moving briskly so as to avoid the bloodied, rotting hands reaching through the boards, and fill out the survey with information regarding your gender, if known, and a categorical response to the question "Do you have a zombie survival plan?", it would be much appreciated by the remnants of society that will, assuredly, plug in the dusty server board at some unknown future date to examine the psychology behind this very thread "just to see where it all went wrong", decades and decades after the near-annihilation of all mankind.

And, if you do have a survival plan, a detail description of the type of refuge, it's proximity to areas of note, protective strategy, food stocks and the exact GPS location would be very...uh, helpful.

Thankyou, citizens.

Zombie Geoff

 

[S.A.M.]

I have the Zombie Survival Guide; I'm ready.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Zombie_Survival_Guide

 

[GeoffP]

Whoa! Quick one. Have you listened to "World War Z"?

Sam will survive the Zombie holocaust.

 

[GeoffP]

You know, I have to admit, I have the Guide too. Bought it at a conference. I have no excuses.

 

[Lord Hillyer]

The zombies have already come; they came a long time ago. Haven't you ever witnessed the shoppers in a Wal-mart?

 

[S.A.M.]

Whoa! Quick one. Have you listened to "World War Z"?

Sam will survive the Zombie holocaust.

What a helpful Zombie, no I haven't. I shall remezy zis zefizienzy az onze.

 

[S.A.M.]

You know, I have to admit, I have the Guide too. Bought it at a conference. I have no excuses.

Have you seen Shawn of the Dead?

 

[GeoffP]

I liked it, but so impractical. A bar, I ask you. Idoits.

 

[S.A.M.]

I liked it, but so impractical. A bar, I ask you. Idoits.

God It was hilarious. Nothing beats Night of the Living Dead though.

 

[GeoffP]

Original or remake?

...I can't call. Hard one.

 

[S.A.M.]

Original or remake?

...I can't call. Hard one.

I've only seen one. :bawl:

The original

 

[GeoffP]

The remake was good too; the female lead was much stronger. Freaky, too: preserved the tense atmosphere even in colour. Don't cry that you haven't seen it: that's what bittorrents are for. You seen Dawn of the Dead?

 

[domesticated om]

Zombies are easy to kill. All that's needed is a steady supply of gasoline, and a way to light it. Gas stations can be found everywhere.

I'm sure a mixture of gasoline and some other components could also be used to improve its effectiveness (so it burns longer, and consumes less gasoline per zombie).





BTW --- I've always been curious: what is the estimate for how long after the outbreak a person needs to wait until there are no more zombies?
They aren't going to be around forever. I'm sure there are anatomic limitations to how long animated human corpses can function before they are immobilized due to breakdown of tissues.
The anatomic functions of 'zombies' are not clearly defined. If brain is dead, what's coordinating the neuro-chemical transactions needed for shambling around? If the heart is not beating and there is no active circulation of blood, what effect would that have? What about fluids in the body settling to the lower extremities after death? If they need to feed on flesh, do they digest it?

 

[TW Scott]

I liked it, but so impractical. A bar, I ask you. Idoits.

Depends on the bar, some are virutal fortresses of brick and stone, and have well stocked pant. And one I know of shares a wall with a gunshop. It would be the perfect place to hole up after looting a few party stores.

 

[madanthonywayne]

The remake was good too; the female lead was much stronger. Freaky, too: preserved the tense atmosphere even in colour. Don't cry that you haven't seen it: that's what bittorrents are for. You seen Dawn of the Dead?

I thought the remake sucked. The original was far superior. I loved Dawn of the Dead, especially the scene where the biker guy insisted on checking his bloodpressure while at the zombie infested mall!

Another classic: Return of the Living Dead. This one has somewhat smart zombies (at one point a zombie gets on the police radio and asks them to"send more cops", so he can eat them). Not to mention the guys who don't know they're dead until the EMT checks their temperature and finds it to be 72 degrees. It also features a totally gratuitus nude scene where this hot chick just rips off her clothes for no apparent reason (love those eighties movies). And the whole thing ends with a "bang".

 

[GeoffP]

There's an incredibly depressing Italian job out there: "Zombi". I hear it's horrorific, but haven't got around to watching it. Darn seeders.

 

[gurglingmonkey]

The anatomic functions of 'zombies' are not clearly defined.

I think this depends on what breed of zombies we is dealing with. There are Religious zombies, "scientific" zombies (you know, biological weapons, disease, something like that) and then the others. (voodoo zombies, resurrected-by-alien-zombies)

Basically, what I was going to say was the religious zombies are based on the idea that hell is full, so bodies just have to be possessed by torment spirits or something, and therefore do not starve. Harder to kill as well, in that their ability to function has reached a supernatural level. For example, with these zombies I imagine you could see headless corpses shuffling after you, not needing a brain to fire those gotta-have-fresh-flesh impulses.

The "scientific" ones, I believe, could be waited out. Eventually their bodies would starve, or something would break down.

Of course, I don't really know all this for sure. The zombie survival guide should have way more comprehensive info.

 

[Bells]

I just plan to have my children drool around my abode. Zombies slip and fall repeatedly in the slick, therefore not able to project themselves closer to my home. Drool can be replaced by the bucketload, by the hour if needed. It is in abundant supply.


Survival guide..

Pfft

Weaklings!

 

[S.A.M.]

I just plan to have my children drool around my abode. Zombies slip and fall repeatedly in the slick, therefore not able to project themselves closer to my home. Drool can be replaced by the bucketload, by the hour if needed. It is in abundant supply.


Survival guide..

Pfft

Weaklings!

Are diaper bombs effective, do you think?

 

[Orleander]

I have no zombie plan, but I do have a "The Stand" plan.