There is no such thing as lift; weakness is a thing that makes planes crash!

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billvon

Valued Senior Member
A modest proposal to end airline crashes -

Everyone knows from watching TV that airplane pilots need muscles to pull back on the controls to avoid crashing. I have determined that there is no such thing as lift, and that it is Weakness in the air that makes a plane crash. Pilots can put the strength back in the plane wing air with the muscles in their arms, by moving those flaps which look very strong. It only makes perfect sense when you think about it.

So my proposal is simple. Require all pilots to climb into their cockpits up a long ladder using only their arms. If they can't do it, then they don't have the strength to overcome the weakness in the air, and they will probably crash. Using my idea they will save the lives of millions of people a year.

I'm not an air engineer or a pilot and I don't do well on simulators, but that doesn't really matter. What does matter is that I understand this air stuff and I Can Save a Million people a Year.
 
I see what you did there...

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I was talking to an Irish co-working who never heard of Swift's A Modest Proposal. Could someone please tell me what the context of this OP was?
 
I have observed that birds fly by flapping their wings. My axiom is that bird wings are the equivalent of human arms. Therefore, it follows that Science is wrong when it says that human beings can't fly by flapping our arms.

I think that the problem is that nobody has tried hard enough to fly by flapping their arms. In fact, the only people who really try are children and wimpy girly-men. I think that if you got somebody like the Governator, Arnold Schwarzenegger, to flap his arms like really fast, then he'd be able to fly no problem.

There may be some technical issues to sort out to make this practical. I can't do the maths myself, so I can't prove that I'm correct, but I know I am. An angel told me in a dream, and besides, I once won 10 dollars in a lottery so I'm pretty lucky.

Arnie might need a run up to get airborne. I'm actually willing to build a runway for him. If you'd like to contribute to the Get Arnie Airborne Fund (which I call GAAF, for short), let me know. I'm hoping to raise 1 million dollars really soon.

Look at it this way: think of all the animals that can fly, like bats and birds and ladybirds and elephants and bees. It stands to reason that if they can do it, so can we.

Also, if anybody wants to help me do the maths to prove that I am right, I can send you some diagrams of Arnie that I drew on some paper napkins and you can work from those.

P.S. I have a neat bike helmet in my garage that Arnie could wear once the runway has been built. Can't wait!
 
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I was flying in a charter plane with fellow drilling rig workers some years ago. A rather drunk cementing engineer leaned across me and pointed at the propellers. "You see those big fans out there? They are essential. They keep the wings cool. If they weren't there the wings would melt and fall off." I don't know how well he made the transition to jets.
 
Ophiolite said:
I was flying in a charter plane with fellow drilling rig workers some years ago. A rather drunk cementing engineer leaned across me and pointed at the propellers. "You see those big fans out there? They are essential. They keep the wings cool. If they weren't there the wings would melt and fall off." I don't know how well he made the transition to jets.
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There's some truth to the cooling idea.
When the prop stops turning in mid-air the pilot tends to break out in a sweat!
 
I'm a convert to the idea that it is actually blue smoke that powers computers. When the blue smoke comes out, the computer stops working. So that proves it!
 
Also works with cars, eventually. I call that pseudoreplication at the least.
 
billvon said:
A modest proposal to end airline crashes -

Everyone knows from watching TV that airplane pilots need muscles to pull back on the controls to avoid crashing. I have determined that there is no such thing as lift, and that it is Weakness in the air that makes a plane crash. Pilots can put the strength back in the plane wing air with the muscles in their arms, by moving those flaps which look very strong. It only makes perfect sense when you think about it.

So my proposal is simple. Require all pilots to climb into their cockpits up a long ladder using only their arms. If they can't do it, then they don't have the strength to overcome the weakness in the air, and they will probably crash. Using my idea they will save the lives of millions of people a year.

I'm not an air engineer or a pilot and I don't do well on simulators, but that doesn't really matter. What does matter is that I understand this air stuff and I Can Save a Million people a Year.
Click to expand...

I totally agree!
 
Pain is just weakness draining from your body and being replaced by strength.

If a plane crashes and everyone dies, it is because the pain of crashing is trying to make them stronger, not for the benefit of a bunch of dead weaklings lying about on the ground bleeding out and getting no exercise. What were they thinking, using an airplane instead of flapping their pectorals anyway?

If everyone did this, we'd have more plane crash survivors. No fair using those wimpy parachutes either.

Dude, do you even GYM? You aren't one of those 9/11 conspiracy theorists, are you? Jumping out of buildings that are falling down can be beneficial, too. Pumping concrete is even better than pumping iron. More steroids, please.

I do miss Jonathan Swift.
 
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