The Most Offensive Jokes Ever!!!

Discussion in 'The Cesspool' started by The Flemster, May 10, 2004.

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  1. Ima Hogg Guest

    Natasha Collins and Mark Speight really were the perfect couple....

    One was steaming hot, the other was well hung!
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  3. bad jokes

    Im sure these jokes have been said by know however I get a kick out of em

    Q: What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
    A: Nothing, you’ve already told her twice.

    Q: Whats black and blue and hates sex?
    A: A rape victim
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  5. Ima Hogg Guest

    A mans cupping his hand to scoop water from a highland burn in scotland. The gamekeeper shouts "Dinnae drink thon waater its foo o coo's shite an pish. Man replies " My good fellow i am english could you repeat that in english" Game keeper replies i said use both hands you get more that way.

    An english man and a scots man get one wish each from a genie. The englishman goes first and wishes the genie to build a 50ft wall all around england to keep the scots out. Your wish is granted says the genie. The genie then asks the scotsman what he wishes for and the scotsman replies "can you fill that in with water"
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  7. TimWalden Guest

    Why did the Polish attempt to climb mount everest fail?

    Coz they ran out of scaffolding
  8. McKinless Guest


    Woman walks into a shop and buys 1 egg, 1 bottle of milk and 1 sausage, the shopkeeper asks - "you're single, arent you?" "yes" She replies "how could you tell?" "You're an Ugly cunt!!"
  9. clusteringflux Version 1. OH! Valued Senior Member

    Gendanken and Malakas.
    Last edited: Apr 30, 2008
  10. Ant Guest

    Austrian Jozef Fritzl is writing a new book. Critics are doubting though, whether it will be a best cellar.
  11. maximus43 Guest

    I have just bought an austrian womens diary off e-bay.
    Monday - stayed in
    Tuesday - stayed in
    Wednesday - stayed in
    Thursday - stayed in
    Friday - stayed in
    Saturday - stayed in
    Sunday - stayed in
  12. maximus43 Guest

    When an austrian father was asked what he thought the best way to teach sex education to children was he said its best to keep them in the dark.
  13. redarmy11 Registered Senior Member

    Tell it right.

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  14. EmmZ It's an animal thing Registered Senior Member

    I read that diary. It was alright but the ending was a little rushed.
  15. USS Citadel Registered Member

    What is the difference between santa claus and a jew?

    Santa goes down the chimmeny.
  16. TimWalden Guest

    What do you get when you cross a nigger with a gorilla?

    A really stupid gorilla
  17. Magically Offensive

    Q: Whats the difference between a jew and a pizza?

    A: A pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the oven!
    Q: Why don't you run over a nig*ger on a bike

    A: Because It might be your bike!
    Q: What does Michael Jackson and Caviar have in common?

    A: They both cum on little white crackers
    Q: How many men does it take to open a bottle of beer?

    A: None, it should be open when she brings it to you
    Q: What do Blacks and apples have in common?

    A: They both look good hanging on trees
    Q: What's the difference between a Mexican and a pizza?

    A: A pizza can feed a family of four
    Q: What do you call a white man surrounded by a bunch of native americans?

    A: A Bartender
    Q: How do you make a woman cum?

    A: Who cares!
    Q: You wake up in the middle of the night and see your TV floating, what do you do?

    A: Yell, "Drop it Nig*ger!"
    Q: Why don't women need watches?

    A: There's a clock on the stove
    Q: What's the difference between a straight Italian and a gay Italian?

    A: About 4 beers!
    (Italian can be substituted for any nationality)

    *All jokes are intended for positive humor among friends* *All jokes are void outside the state of New Mexico, USA*
  18. Oh, one more and it's really fucked up!
    Q: How do you make a little girl cry for the second time?

    A: Wipe your bloody dick on her teddy bear!
  19. Ant Guest

    What do you call a father who left his daughter in a cellar and raped her every week, whilst telling the world she was missing?

    Gerry McCann
  20. visceral_instinct Monkey see, monkey denigrate Valued Senior Member


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  21. synthesizer-patel Sweep the leg Johnny! Valued Senior Member

    Now this is a story all about how my
    Life got flipped turned upside down
    And I'd like to take a minute just sit right there
    I'll tell you how I become the prince of my house's Cellair

    In west Austria born and raised
    ******* my daughter is where I spent most of my days
    Chillin' out, maxin', relaxin', all cool
    and building incest dungeons underneath my pool
    I took three kids out cuz they were all good
    told my wife they were just children from the neighborhood.
    I ****** just one of my daughters the police got scared
    But they don't know the pin-code to my daughter's Cellair.

    They called the partyvan and when it got near
    The license plate said "AUSTRIA" and it had dice in the mirror
    "you crazy" they said, "those ideas in your head are rare,"
    I said, "cool homes, it's rape time, home, to Cellair!"

    She crawled out the house after 7 offspring
    And she yelled to the cops "Yo, I can't speak German!"
    But I'm still pimping, I got three more lairs,
    so come and party with me, in my second Cellair.
  22. Ima Hogg Guest

    An Austrian jounalist asked a neighbour how long he had known josef Fritzels daughter alice. "Alice?" he replied " who the fuck is alice, u mean for 24 years iv been living next door to alice!"
  23. synthesizer-patel Sweep the leg Johnny! Valued Senior Member

    How do you know when your sister is having her period?

    Your Dad's cock tastes funny
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