Spouse Abuse

kmguru

kmguru

Staff member
Recently I met a police detective at our Church. He was called in to a case of domestic violence. He found out that the perp had been married and divorced twice before with violence has been the cause of divorce. He had a record of complaints against him and the wife knew the past problems. The detective was wondering why this beautiful lady married to this jerk in the first place! During questioning, the wife said something about how love can change him to be a better person...which obviously did not happen. The detective said to me that this type of stuff happens a lot...

Any thoughts?
 
Why would a woman put up with such an ugly monster? Sometimes I think it's economics and fear of reprisal. I don't understand how love works its way into that equation. I dunno...
 
Are we gonna let this die? I think this is a good one. I can't imagine beating my woman. Why would anyone do such a thing?
 
and on a sunny island in the Med...

Next door neighbour karate instructor, built like shit brick house, his wife 5', slim, he beats her up! She refuses to report him to police and is in fact in complete denial even though the whole neighbourhood knows.
People would see him wacking her on their front porch at 5am!
One morning it was so bad she called her father over, he called the police and her husband did a runner for a few hours. She kept telling the police that he hadn't beaten her up and that she had a good relationship with him as her father pleaded with her to tell the truth. The cops left empty handed. 3 hours later she and her hubby went off to the beach on their Harley Davidson looking like 2 young lovers.
Maybe its pride, maybe she's scared of retaliation, maybe she's scared of restarting her life without him, maybe she thinks she deserves it, maybe it's their 3 kids, maybe she's simply stupid, whatever, I can't explain it, but it's so fucking sad.
 
Have we heard from any of the women on Exosci? I really want to understand why anyone would allow their self to be physically abused.
 
The best I can tell ya!!

Originally posted by Bowser
Have we heard from any of the women on Exosci? I really want to understand why anyone would allow their self to be physically abused.
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Some women don't take it at all, and split. However some of them stay with the same sob that keeps beating them up, the reason for this believe it or not "is cus they like it" There's nothing no one can do to help her out, she's got to help herself.

(This happened once), I was working in a grocery store, it was the grand opening! anyhow, this couple got out of a car and they were arguing, then all of the sudden he belts her one on the face, and starts beating her up in public. There was about five of us out there pushing carts, we all came up to the seen, and started to beat the guy senceless, ""the oddest thing happened, this lady whom we thought we were rescuing, started to hit us, and telling us to leave him alone"" management came out there with security guards and ran them of the parking lot.
 
Godless

There's been some "shocker" posts on here I'm guilty of a few...but what you wrote above has to be one of the most thoughtless posts I've ever read!!!!!!!!!!

"CUS THEY LIKE IT"........pull your head out of your arse fool!!!!
 
"Cuz they like it"... can't say I agree with you there, generally the ones who like it verbally beg for it, not deny it ever happened. Having known a few people who were into the S&M scene, and talked to them about this kind of thing, even they think that this is pretty F'ed up.
The only remotely logical reasons that come across my mind are: She is blinded by love, sometimes people get so hopelessly involved in the idea that they're actually happy, and in love; that they fail to see the terrible situation that they're in.

or

That the person knows how much it sucks, but they think their love for the beater will somehow overwhelm them and make them a better person.

Both are scary mental states. I hope someone can come up with something more logical. I like to think that people are more logical (frequently proven wrong).
 
i just don't see a relationship of such as being a prize worth protecting, but I do understand the power which causes selfless sacrifice. ...?
 
Hi All

My wife was in a relationship of that sort before we met. It wasn't a physicaly abusive relationship (well somewhat) but he was mentaly abusive. I've also known a few other women who have been through it. Most points above contribute to the woman staying in the relationship but a great deal of it is just shear dependents and lack of self respect. These men put their partners in a situation where the woman is COMPLETELY dependent on them, i.e. she's given up a career, had children and now finds to leave she'll lose her kids, lose her "income" or means to survive. Then there's all the mind games that unfortunatley people in those situations are subject to and confused by. Basically there's a billion and one reasons why they stay but I can say catagoricaly battered women do NOT stay because they like it!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
Re: Godless

Originally posted by Rambler
There's been some "shocker" posts on here I'm guilty of a few...but what you wrote above has to be one of the most thoughtless posts I've ever read!!!!!!!!!!

"CUS THEY LIKE IT"........pull your head out of your arse fool!!!!
Click to expand...

With out the name calling! I do have my head on straight!!

Why the hell do this women keep going back? have you stoped and asked yourself this? how about the tipe of women that like this kind of kinky sex thing? it's there they like for the manipulative tipe of man, they can't help it, they are conjuled to believe that the ass whipe that keeps beating the hell out of them actually really loves them.

These women by the way, Do have a choice, why not get out of the relationship? conclusion """"""They must like it"""""""
 
Godless

I take it from your black and white view of the world you'd be what 15???


Have you thought that maybe they stay because they have been "brainwashed" (much like a cult member), that maybe they don't have the means to support themselves or their children, and if they leave on those conditions the courts will most likely award custody to the bread winner (i.e. father), further you'd be surprised how many women take a beating to save their kids getting it....the world is not so black and white....

People in these conditions need help to get out....most of the problem is their dependents on the abuser and their self confidence and respct is in the toilet....the world is not black and white (leave the kinky sex gear for when your having a pull, it doesn't give much wieght to your argument).
 
There is the male desire to dominate a relationship. I wonder if some men surrender to that primitive desire, as might their partners. Curious...
 
Let us also not forget that while not as common, there are instances of the wife beating up the husband. I have witnessed this phenomenon in two instances. One was a couple in a car in front of us at the lights. And the other was ironically again in a car I was travelling in, where she started to punch him hard while he was driving. Since they divorced we learnt through his sisters that she used to beat him up regurlarly and there was nothing sexual about it!

BTW I thought I'd just mention that she wasn't a butch type of woman, on the contrary she was extremely gorgeous (in appearance) and he was quiet stocky and heavily built so he could have stopped her if he wanted to. I think in their case she was just taking out her frustrations on him and he accepted the punishment because of the guilt he felt at being a no hope loser.
 
Re: Godless

Originally posted by Rambler
I take it from your black and white view of the world you'd be what 15???


Have you thought that maybe they stay because they have been "brainwashed" (much like a cult member), that maybe they don't have the means to support themselves or their children, and if they leave on those conditions the courts will most likely award custody to the bread winner (i.e. father), further you'd be surprised how many women take a beating to save their kids getting it....the world is not so black and white....

People in these conditions need help to get out....most of the problem is their dependents on the abuser and their self confidence and respct is in the toilet....the world is not black and white (leave the kinky sex gear for when your having a pull, it doesn't give much wieght to your argument).
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Well Rambler keeps on rambling, I'm way older than you sunny!!

let's not get into predicting age!

However I just got pissed of the name calling, yes I do see your point in some instances, however i've had the experience of getting out a woman once, ours was'nt a love affair, just a concerned friend, she went as far as asking me and someother friends to beat the heck of the dood.

We did, some friends and I got together, and we let him have it.
Two weeks later the brainless chick returns to the ass whipe that beats the hell out of her!!.

This instance brought me to the conclussion that she must of liked it.
 
Low self esteem

Or rather, a total lack of self esteem, infused during childhood, is the real cause of why women stay with abusive men. They are so afraid to be alone, to be independent, to be responsible of their own lives, because they think that they don´t have the power to do that. They have been taught by their parents and other authorities in their lives that they are nothing worth and unfortunately believes it. What they need is help to build up their self esteem, so that they can come to the point where they realize that they have a value by themselves and should be treated with respect. That realization will then automatically make them revalue their abusive relationships.

An irritating incident:

I got attacked by my cat once. She had kittens and we were moving to another city. So we had locked her and the kittens in the toilet, while moving out the furniture. Well, I had to visit the toilet and while washing my hands I heard one of the kittens mjauing and bent down to look if something was wrong. Then she, the mother, flew up into my face and bit and scratched me for all that she was worth. Luckily I closed my eyes in time and took a steady grip around her throat and ran out of the toilet , screaming in pure panic, with the blood pulsating out of my nose and other places.
Anyway, I got rescued and we went to the hospital, where the doctor to our big surprise and dissapointment didn´t believe that my injuries could have been caused by a cat. He insinuated that my boyfriend had beaten me. We were very offended and felt incredibly upset by this, because no matter how much I insured the doctor that this wasn´t the case, he obviously didn´t believe me at all.

Just so you know, everything isn´t always as it seems....
 
Well, starting next year, my daughter will be enrolled in a martial arts class, the same school which my son now attends. When she is older and on her own, I want her to have the option of beating the crud out of any potential abuser.
 
Originally posted by Bowser
Well, starting next year, my daughter will be enrolled in a martial arts class, the same school which my son now attends. When she is older and on her own, I want her to have the option of beating the crud out of any potential abuser.
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Well good for you Bowser, I think this is a great idea, these classes will raise her self esteem, and confidence to deal with almost any kind of problems in her life that may present themselves.
 
She's a bold, adventuress little soul now. I want to keep that part of her nature alive, and I want nothing to stifle it.
 
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