After consideration, I think it is the agnostic stance that is hanging me up. If I accept that there is no God, there is nothing to fear. I've never abandoned the idea of God as your are assuming. I just choose to not believe, just as I chose to believe once before. What that means is I need to have faith in my atheistic belief. The problem is, I am having a hard time completely renouncing the Christian idea of God. Is it because of the years of Catholic upbringing and tradition? I still remember my first communion, reconciliation, and vigils. They are part of me. I attended a Catholic private school through 4th grade. It is definitely a part of me. Anyway, I've got some soul searching to do it seems. Thanks again.