You're setting yourself up for a double bind, conflating two things: You swing from belief that God of Christianity exists (so your fear of the Christian idea of God is justified!), to the belief that there is no God whatsoever (so that you feel justified doing your own thing, not abiding by Christian doctrine).
IOW:
1. what you feel for real, is fear;
2. then you try to justify that fear, and you do so by taking for granted that the Christian idea of God is true;
3. then, considering some absurdities and atrocities of the Christian idea of God, you abandon that idea of God;
4. your fear nevertheless persists, it doesn't go away with your abandonment of the Christian idea of God (if your fear would truly be caused or strongly correlated with Christian notions of God, the fear would go away once you renounce those Christian notions);
5. back to step 2, and down in a vicious circle.
IOW, you need to find another justification or explanation for your fear, one that will not tie you into a vicious circle like that above.
You might actually feel afraid for very good reasons, and it might have nothing at all to do with Christians or God or other people, but primarily with the things that you yourself do or don't do.
After consideration, I think it is the agnostic stance that is hanging me up. If I accept that there is no God, there is nothing to fear. I've never abandoned the idea of God as your are assuming. I just choose to not believe, just as I chose to believe once before. What that means is I need to have faith in my atheistic belief. The problem is, I am having a hard time completely renouncing the Christian idea of God. Is it because of the years of Catholic upbringing and tradition? I still remember my first communion, reconciliation, and vigils. They are part of me. I attended a Catholic private school through 4th grade. It is definitely a part of me.
Anyway, I've got some soul searching to do it seems. Thanks again.