Reasons for "engaging in conversation"

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parmalee

peripatetic artisan
Valued Senior Member
In person, online, doesn't matter. What need or desire does engaging in conversation with another person or persons fulfill? Is it more a social thing or an intellectual thing? For this discussion, let's just ignore conversations which emerge of necessity.

I like to read, I like to read conversations even, but as for engaging in conversation? Honestly, I can take it or leave it. That said, I like engaging in conversations of a sort with non-human animals, and I like playing music with people and engaging in other ways sometimes, I guess; but as far as conversation goes, I've got limited time and patience for such. I really wish that people had an "off" switch or something, or that I could just tell them to shut the fuck up whenever I feel like I'm done with it; but as I don't like being rude and uncivil towards people I actually like and respect (I have a different attitude towards those I don't, obviously), I've arranged my life such that I don't really have to converse all that much if I don't really feel like it.

And yet, at the same time, I'm really kind of impressed by people who are capable of having tremendously long, sustained conversations with others--again, whether that be in person, online, or via some other means of correspondence (letters? Oh my!)--or, at the very least, I'm somewhat fascinated by the phenomenon. I've just never been able to figure out what people are really getting from it. I know the answer is complicated, probably a bit like Maurice Martenot's "secret formula" for the carbon compound used in the "lozenge" pressure sensor on the Ondes Martenot (he supposedly used a bit of gunpowder), but, yeah, whatever. Surely, someone's got some insights?
 
parmalee said:
What need or desire does engaging in conversation with another person or persons fulfill?
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On here when I started? Science. Learn a little discuss a little. It's moved on since then.
Interesting conversation, amusement and raising objections to arguments you disagree with.
Occasionally something human, connection and it's fun!

In person with friends it is like saying hello, reinforcing the relationship and part of the human condition.

When I meet with my son, we hug, go to the pub and very quickly get embroiled in a heated discussion, about something.
Science, politics, music, something.
In the morning we get the guitars out and argue about who is doing what harmony in a Beatles song.

Just because we are family, it does not mean we are automatically guaranteed to be able to communicate, so I consider myself very lucky.
 
If one is on the spectrum and anti-social and usually rude (beyond just being 'too direct') then they probably only get the "friendliness" dopamine hit that most people get, only when they are negative. Most people get it when they are positive as well.

Some conversation with neighbors, for instance, is just along the lines of "how's the weather" and it's just about being social rather than caring about the weather. On a forum it might be to help organize one's thoughts or to focus others in their thoughts or logic, or to see how another group thinks.

It would be an unusual combination to hate everyone, see no need for discussion, get nothing from it, and to still be on such a forum. Yet, one has to get something from it so maybe it's a dopamine hit that only comes from being negative.

I'm sure the answers are as individual as the person involved. Some people are better at and more interested in communicating than others. I had a scuba diving buddy who answers most questions with "yep", "nope" or "sounds good even when you are on a longer day-trip with him.

I have another friend who is kind of the ADHD type and he can't sit still or focus long enough for a longer conversation. Everyone is different I guess.
 
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Pinball1970 said:
When I meet with my son, we hug, go to the pub and very quickly get embroiled in a heated discussion, about something.
Science, politics, music, something.
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Pretty much describes my meets with son. I guess we're lucky. His stamina for hours long chats exceeds even mine, but somehow I don't mind.

If Parma were sitting in on our tete a tetes, I think he'd be impressed. We've had sessions that make "My Dinner with Andre" look like a brief argument over bus fare.

parmalee said:
And yet, at the same time, I'm really kind of impressed by people who are capable of having tremendously long, sustained conversations with others--again, whether that be in person, online, or via some other means of correspondence (letters? Oh my!)--or, at the very least, I'm somewhat fascinated by the phenomenon. I've just never been able to figure out what people are really getting from it.
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I don't suppose, in my family's case, Irish DNA really has anything to do with it, but that is a persistent stereotype. I'm not sure how to answer "what people are getting from it." Maybe it's more like a dance than a transaction where one gets something. Kind of a mix of art, the music of language, and a love of bouncing ideas and feelings around? Somehow a good conversation feels like more than the sum of its individual contributions.
 
Seattle said:
I have another friend who is kind of the ADHD type and he can't sit still or focus long enough for a longer conversation. Everyone is different I guess.
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In recent years, the DSM has begun recognizing the attention deficit part and the hyperactive part as separate things, which often--but not always, obviously--appear together. I am kinda severely hyperactive, always have been; but the attention deficit aspect does not apply.

I think a lot of my "issues" with conversation come down to that more than anything. I wanna be able to push the 2x or 3x the speed button, like on YouTube videos, on people, but they don't have one. I usually just end up finishing their sentences or stopping them mid-sentence and saying, "yeah yeah yeah--got it".

"Sit still"? What's that? Seriously, I've always had some sort of rocking chair/glider thing and no one ever sits in my fucking chair--at least, when I'm around. I cannot even sit through a full meal--I have to find a reason to get up and do shit.
 
Seattle said:
It would be an unusual combination to hate everyone, see no need for discussion, get nothing from it, and to still be on such a forum. Yet, one has to get something from it so maybe it's a dopamine hit that only comes from being negative.
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Also, you're hilarious!
 
parmalee said:
In recent years, the DSM has begun recognizing the attention deficit part and the hyperactive part as separate things, which often--but not always, obviously--appear together. I am kinda severely hyperactive, always have been; but the attention deficit aspect does not apply.

I think a lot of my "issues" with conversation come down to that more than anything. I wanna be able to push the 2x or 3x the speed button, like on YouTube videos, on people, but they don't have one. I usually just end up finishing their sentences or stopping them mid-sentence and saying, "yeah yeah yeah--got it".

"Sit still"? What's that? Seriously, I've always had some sort of rocking chair/glider thing and no one ever sits in my fucking chair--at least, when I'm around. I cannot even sit through a full meal--I have to find a reason to get up and do shit.
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How do you read a book?
 
parmalee said:
Also, one can read while sitting on a rocking chair--quite easily, in fact. You should try it! You might take to that "book learnin" stuff.
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I ain't so good at that book learning stuff Parmalee and I can't afford a rocking chair. I was going to ask, what do people get out of learning and all? I hate it and it just makes my head hurt.
 
Seattle said:
I ain't so good at that book learning stuff Parmalee and I can't afford a rocking chair. I was going to ask, what do people get out of learning and all? I hate it and it just makes my head hurt.
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Clearly.

You could always find an old tire and some rope, and tie it to a tree. Pick up some Dr Seuss and you're good to go!
 
Seattle said:
I ain't so good at that book learning stuff Parmalee and I can't afford a rocking chair. I was going to ask, what do people get out of learning and all? I hate it and it just makes my head hurt.
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And it's book learnin, not book learning.
 
Seattle said:
If one is on the spectrum and anti-social and usually rude (beyond just being 'too direct') then they probably only get the "friendliness" dopamine hit that most people get, only when they are negative. Most people get it when they are positive as well.
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But we all can't be committed to bringing joy and merriment to the masses at all times like you are--some of us have to deal with reality.

Incidentally, which one of these guys is Pastor Seattle? Or is that you leading the prayer?
 
parmalee said:
But we all can't be committed to bringing joy and merriment to the masses at all times like you are--some of us have to deal with reality.

Incidentally, which one of these guys is Pastor Seattle? Or is that you leading the prayer?
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I'm just a people person. My fault is I care too much. Bringing joy to the world is my mission.

Someone has to be the Grinch on the bicycle though. There is room for everyone
 
Brings to mind two quotes:
Oscar Wilde: "True friends stab you in the front."
Stephen Colbert: "I don't see how you can love your country without wanting to beat it into shape".

Maybe this is the wrong thread for those, though. ;)
 
parmalee said:
But we all can't be committed to bringing joy and merriment to the masses at all times like you are--some of us have to deal with reality.

Incidentally, which one of these guys is Pastor Seattle? Or is that you leading the prayer?
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Ah yes, the laying on of hands. It's an Epstein thing. What doesn't come across from the video is the strong smell of sulfur.
 
Sarkus said:
Brings to mind two quotes:
Oscar Wilde: "True friends stab you in the front."
Stephen Colbert: "I don't see how you can love your country without wanting to beat it into shape".

Maybe this is the wrong thread for those, though. ;)
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Did you see the interview Colbert just did with Pete Townsend?(he is 80 now )

Almost Milliganesque.
 
Seattle said:
I ain't so good at that book learning stuff Parmalee and I can't afford a rocking chair. I was going to ask, what do people get out of learning and all? I hate it and it just makes my head hurt.
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The happiest time of my life was the 13 years I spent at various universities. I loved accumulating knowledge. I once said of my professors that I had a knowledge sucking straw... I would find a likely candidate, and knock him/her down and pull out my knowledge sucking straw, and suck their brains dry. (perhaps as a means of getting rid of me?) More than one professor told me that they had already taught me everything that they could.
(those were good times)
 
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