Parents: The Door of Paradise

[Abdullah Masud]

Parents are the greatest humans in the world. Through countless efforts, sleepless nights, and heartfelt struggles, they raise a child, guide them, and protect them. Every word, every action, every sacrifice shapes a child’s life. It is only natural that such love deserves care, compassion, and gratitude in return. Yet today, many children neglect their parents. They avoid listening, fail to serve, and forget the sacred bond that nourished their every step. Islam teaches us that honoring parents is not just a moral duty — it is a path to Paradise. Islam places the respect and honor of parents at the highest level. Almighty Allah says in Surah Al-Isrā’ (17:23–24):

• “And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him, and that you show kindness to your parents. If one or both of them reach old age with you, do not say to them a word of contempt (‘uff’), nor reproach them, but speak to them a noble word.”
• “And lower to them the wing of humility out of compassion, and say: ‘My Lord, have mercy on them as they brought me up when I was small.’”

Even if parents ask for something that goes against the worship of Allah, the Qur’an instructs:
Surah Luqman (31:15):

• “But if they strive to make you associate with Me that of which you have no knowledge, then do not obey them; yet accompany them in this world with kindness, and follow the way of those who turn to Me. Then to Me will be your return, and I will inform you about what you used to do.”

The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ also emphasized the honor of parents repeatedly:

1. He said to one of his companions, “Do you have a mother?” — He said, “Yes.”
   “Stay with her, for Paradise lies beneath her feet.”
   (Narrated by An-Nasa’i)
2. Ibn ‘Umar said:
   “If you speak gently to your mother and feed her, you will enter Paradise, as long as you avoid major sins.”
   (Al-Adab Al-Mufrad)
3. “The pleasure of Allah lies in the pleasure of the parents, and the anger of Allah lies in the anger of the parents.”
   (At-Tirmidhi, Ibn Hibban)
4. Abu Ad-Darda’ reported:
   “The parents are the middle gate of Paradise; if you wish, lose that gate, or if you wish, guard it.”
   (At-Tirmidhi)

These teachings remind us that serving our parents is an act of worship, and their honor is a path to Allah’s mercy. If your parents are alive, cherish them, serve them, and speak to them gently. If they have passed away, honor them through prayers, remembrance, and good deeds in their name.
I’m curious to know: how do you see the place of parents in your lives?

 

[Pinball1970]

serving our parents is an act of worship,

Not for me. It is a basic natural part of being a social animal.

 

[DaveC426913]

Parents are the greatest humans in the world. Through countless efforts, sleepless nights, and heartfelt struggles, they raise a child, guide them, and protect them. Every word, every action, every sacrifice shapes a child’s life. It is only natural that such love deserves care, compassion, and gratitude in return. Yet today, many children neglect their parents. They avoid listening, fail to serve, and forget the sacred bond that nourished their every step. Islam teaches us that honoring parents is not just a moral duty — it is a path to Paradise. Islam places the respect and honor of parents at the highest level. Almighty Allah says in Surah Al-Isrā’ (17:23–24):

• “And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him, and that you show kindness to your parents. If one or both of them reach old age with you, do not say to them a word of contempt (‘uff’), nor reproach them, but speak to them a noble word.”
• “And lower to them the wing of humility out of compassion, and say: ‘My Lord, have mercy on them as they brought me up when I was small.’”

Even if parents ask for something that goes against the worship of Allah, the Qur’an instructs:
Surah Luqman (31:15):

• “But if they strive to make you associate with Me that of which you have no knowledge, then do not obey them; yet accompany them in this world with kindness, and follow the way of those who turn to Me. Then to Me will be your return, and I will inform you about what you used to do.”

The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ also emphasized the honor of parents repeatedly:

1. He said to one of his companions, “Do you have a mother?” — He said, “Yes.”
   “Stay with her, for Paradise lies beneath her feet.”
   (Narrated by An-Nasa’i)
2. Ibn ‘Umar said:
   “If you speak gently to your mother and feed her, you will enter Paradise, as long as you avoid major sins.”
   (Al-Adab Al-Mufrad)
3. “The pleasure of Allah lies in the pleasure of the parents, and the anger of Allah lies in the anger of the parents.”
   (At-Tirmidhi, Ibn Hibban)
4. Abu Ad-Darda’ reported:
   “The parents are the middle gate of Paradise; if you wish, lose that gate, or if you wish, guard it.”
   (At-Tirmidhi)

These teachings remind us that serving our parents is an act of worship, and their honor is a path to Allah’s mercy. If your parents are alive, cherish them, serve them, and speak to them gently. If they have passed away, honor them through prayers, remembrance, and good deeds in their name.
I’m curious to know: how do you see the place of parents in your lives?

It kind of feels like you're set us up for only one correct answer. You're preached at us how we should feel, told us we should worship them, even quoted the Qur'an at us, and then you save 12 words to ask us what we think. I feel like there is not much room for dialogue here.

Carry on.

 

[Abdullah Masud]

It kind of feels like you're set us up for only one correct answer. You're preached at us how we should feel, told us we should worship them, even quoted the Qur'an at us, and then you save 12 words to ask us what we think. I feel like there is not much room for dialogue here.

Carry on.

I shared a perspective from Islam, but I’m interested in hearing how others see the role of parents or elders, and I’m not saying parents should be worshipped — only that they deserve respect and care.

 

[exchemist]

I shared a perspective from Islam, but I’m interested in hearing how others see the role of parents or elders, and I’m not saying parents should be worshipped — only that they deserve respect and care.

The same instruction is to be found in the bible (both Old and New Testaments), and there is also a strong tradition of respect for parents in the Eastern religions and societies. It seems to be universal.

Scientifically, it appears there was an evolutionary advantage in giving elders a place of respect in tribal societies. They helped take care of the young and were repositories of knowledge and wisdom, before the advent of writing. I have seen it suggested this is the reason the human animal lives way past the age of procreation.

 

[TheVat]

It kind of feels like you're set us up for only one correct answer. You're preached at us how we should feel, told us we should worship them, even quoted the Qur'an at us, and then you save 12 words to ask us what we think. I feel like there is not much room for dialogue here.

Carry on.

What he said. Plus the bit about "Yet today, many children neglect their parents" seemed to miss that many children are just returning the favor. I.e. they're doing exactly as they were taught.

 

[(Q)]

“And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him

These teachings remind us that serving our parents is an act of worship, and their honor is a path to Allah’s mercy.

Sorry, but there's always way too many contradictions in religion to give it any serious thought.

 

[DaveC426913]

... I’m not saying parents should be worshipped ...

Well, you kinda did:

...serving our parents is an act of worship...

I certainly agree it is important to love, respect and honour one's parents, but there is more to it than that. A young man or woman has an obligation to go out into the world and find their own way, which they will have to do without hanging from their parents.

It is literally in the job description of a young person to test the boundaries of their world and question assumptions. And that means, for one, testing the beliefs assumptions of one's parents. One cannot be a full-fledged independent adult while at the same time being a clone of their parents.

The world is a chnging place. Parents, by definition, have at least some outdated views on the world. A young person has a responsibility to test and question those views and decide which ones are suitable - not just for the world but for their own character. An obvious example of this - among many others - is that many parents are unable to shake off their bigoted views of other cultures and races. A young person cannot and should not hang on every word their parents utter.

And worship is, by definition, a slavish, unquestioning devotion. A youth who engages in this is failing themselves and the world.

So, yes - love respect and honour them, but do not worship them.


Oh, and by the way - I hope you acknowledge that this has nothing to do with religion or supernatural beliefs. It encompasses all forms of belief and non-belief. Love honour and respect for one's parents transcends that; it is a more fundamental calling than one's personal flavour of spiritualism.

 

[Pinball1970]

. If your parents are alive, cherish them,

Just to add, sometimes parents do not do a good job so do not deserve respect or love.
We do not have to revere our parents if they do not deserve it.

 

[DaveC426913]

Just to add, sometimes parents do not do a good job so do not deserve respect or love.
We do not have to revere our parents if they do not deserve it.

Very true. My wife endured a very dysfunctional childhood. A half a century has not been enough for her to throw off the trauma. And yet, that is what she must do - she must see her parents, not as life-givers, but as deeply flawed, self-destructive people from which she has to unlearn a lot of very bad life lessons.

 

[Abdullah Masud]

Sorry, but there's always way too many contradictions in religion to give it any serious thought.

Obeying Allah’s command is an act of worship. So helping the needy, respecting elders, and serving parents are all forms of worship — but worship of whom? Of Allah alone. Every good deed done in obedience to His rule is worship of Him. Once that concept is clear, there’s no contradiction, because in Islam we worship only one God, none besides Him.

 

[Abdullah Masud]

Well, you kinda did:






I certainly agree it is important to love, respect and honour one's parents, but there is more to it than that. A young man or woman has an obligation to go out into the world and find their own way, which they will have to do without hanging from their parents.

It is literally in the job description of a young person to test the boundaries of their world and question assumptions. And that means, for one, testing the beliefs assumptions of one's parents. One cannot be a full-fledged independent adult while at the same time being a clone of their parents.

The world is a chnging place. Parents, by definition, have at least some outdated views on the world. A young person has a responsibility to test and question those views and decide which ones are suitable - not just for the world but for their own character. An obvious example of this - among many others - is that many parents are unable to shake off their bigoted views of other cultures and races. A young person cannot and should not hang on every word their parents utter.

And worship is, by definition, a slavish, unquestioning devotion. A youth who engages in this is failing themselves and the world.

So, yes - love respect and honour them, but do not worship them.


Oh, and by the way - I hope you acknowledge that this has nothing to do with religion or supernatural beliefs. It encompasses all forms of belief and non-belief. Love honour and respect for one's parents transcends that; it is a more fundamental calling than one's personal flavour of spiritualism.

In Islam, worship is only for Allah — never for parents or anyone else. Every good deed done in obedience to His command is considered worship of Him. So respecting and caring for parents is an act of worship, not of them, but of Allah. Respecting parents doesn’t mean blind obedience or losing independence; it’s about gratitude and kindness, not unquestioning devotion. Islam also encourages seeking knowledge, thinking critically, and standing for what is right, even when it differs from our parents. The balance between respect and independence is what makes it beautiful.

 

[Sarkus]

Every good deed done in obedience to His command is considered worship of Him. So respecting and caring for parents is an act of worship, not of them, but of Allah.

This is one of the things that disappoints me about religions: they co-opt actions in support of their own agenda rather than appreciate, understand, accept why someone might actually do something.
To wit: I do not respect or care for my father as an act of worship of God. It has nothing to do with religion. There is no "obedience" to His command.

Too often I hear people say things that suggest they only do/don't do something because their religion told them to/not to. And that scares me: on the one hand that people are seemingly incapable or understanding or explaining the real reason they do/don't do something, and on the other, if it really is because their religion told them to/not to, then we have a vast number of mentally ill people who, e.g. only don't kill people because it's one of their 10 Commandments. Yes, people really have said that they don't kill because it's one of the 10.

And, sure, religious people are more than happy to see God even in the actions of the unbeliever, and that it is us who are simply unaware of what we're doing with regard "worshipping Him" etc. And that's okay. And, yes, this is the religion forum so I shouldn't complain too much.
Maybe my point is, less of the overt preaching please.

Respecting parents doesn’t mean blind obedience or losing independence; it’s about gratitude and kindness, not unquestioning devotion. Islam also encourages seeking knowledge, thinking critically, and standing for what is right, even when it differs from our parents. The balance between respect and independence is what makes it beautiful.

You could change the word "Islam" in the above for almost any other religion, or Humanism, or "secular thinking", or "Bob's Guide to Living in a Society". It's not unique to Islam.

I care for my father out of an instilled sense of duty, mixed with a modicum of selfish enjoyment from doing so, and because he's a friend, and someone I respect. Nothing religious need apply.

 

[James R]

This is one of the things that disappoints me about religions: they co-opt actions in support of their own agenda rather than appreciate, understand, accept why someone might actually do something.
To wit: I do not respect or care for my father as an act of worship of God. It has nothing to do with religion. There is no "obedience" to His command.

Slavish obediance to what one believes are the commands of a God are a real cause for concern, because people believe that their gods command them to do all kinds of things, including - for some - committing atrocities against other people.

Moreover, the idea that God commands also implies that one ought to obey out of fear of punishment by the God if one does not obey - if not in this life then in the afterlife or the next life or whatever.

Telling people to do as they are told because they will be punished if they don't is a very poor way of trying to encourage ethical behaviour. Instead, it tends to encourage people to do whatever it is that they think they can get away with - what will go unnoticed by the "authorities", or what the specific rules of the religion allow (whether or not those rules themselves are a rationally defensible set of moral principles).

 

[Abdullah Masud]

This is one of the things that disappoints me about religions: they co-opt actions in support of their own agenda rather than appreciate, understand, accept why someone might actually do something.
To wit: I do not respect or care for my father as an act of worship of God. It has nothing to do with religion. There is no "obedience" to His command.

Too often I hear people say things that suggest they only do/don't do something because their religion told them to/not to. And that scares me: on the one hand that people are seemingly incapable or understanding or explaining the real reason they do/don't do something, and on the other, if it really is because their religion told them to/not to, then we have a vast number of mentally ill people who, e.g. only don't kill people because it's one of their 10 Commandments. Yes, people really have said that they don't kill because it's one of the 10.

And, sure, religious people are more than happy to see God even in the actions of the unbeliever, and that it is us who are simply unaware of what we're doing with regard "worshipping Him" etc. And that's okay. And, yes, this is the religion forum so I shouldn't complain too much.
Maybe my point is, less of the overt preaching please.

You could change the word "Islam" in the above for almost any other religion, or Humanism, or "secular thinking", or "Bob's Guide to Living in a Society". It's not unique to Islam.

I care for my father out of an instilled sense of duty, mixed with a modicum of selfish enjoyment from doing so, and because he's a friend, and someone I respect. Nothing religious need apply.

Morality isn’t truly objective. What one person sees as moral, another might see differently. That’s why there must be a standard to guide people toward what is right and protect them from confusion — and that standard can only come from the Creator who knows human nature best.

When a religious person does something moral, he doesn’t do it just for worldly morality or view. He believes in accountability before God and hopes for a reward in the life after death. His goodness is not limited to what benefits him in this world, but is tied to eternal consequences. This belief gives a constant motivation to remain good even when no one is watching — something that purely worldly morality cannot guarantee.

 

[James R]

See what I mean?

 

[Abdullah Masud]

Slavish obediance to what one believes are the commands of a God are a real cause for concern, because people believe that their gods command them to do all kinds of things, including - for some - committing atrocities against other people.

Moreover, the idea that God commands also implies that one ought to obey out of fear of punishment by the God if one does not obey - if not in this life then in the afterlife or the next life or whatever.

Telling people to do as they are told because they will be punished if they don't is a very poor way of trying to encourage ethical behaviour. Instead, it tends to encourage people to do whatever it is that they think they can get away with - what will go unnoticed by the "authorities", or what the specific rules of the religion allow (whether or not those rules themselves are a rationally defensible set of moral principles).

I agree that blind obedience isn’t good, especially when it comes from misunderstanding religion. That’s why our first obligation is to search for the true religion and understand its message properly. Many tragedies in history happened (and now happening) due to misunderstanding or misinterpretation of religion.

However, In Islam, obedience to God’s commands can come from two sides, some obey out of fear of His punishment, and others out of hope for His reward. Both exist in balance, and together they guide people toward righteousness in different ways.

 

[Sarkus]

Slavish obediance to what one believes are the commands of a God are a real cause for concern, because people believe that their gods command them to do all kinds of things, including - for some - committing atrocities against other people.

Sure, religions can tell you "do this, do that, don't do this, don't do that", and your point above is well taken in that regard. That's looking at what religion commands as the source of our actions. However, I'm sort of looking at the reverse, where religion effectively codifies what is being done naturally, absent the religion, and then points to where it is being done as if it is evidence of (the benefits of) the religion.

It's like if you and your friends are playing football (whichever variant you care for), and I come along and set up an organisation around it, and declare that because of me you have always been allowed to play football. You were doing it anyway. The organisation just codified that which is natural and is, in essence, taking credit for it. And this is whether it is telling you you can do things you were already doing, or telling you you can't do things that you weren't doing.

It's different where the religion then comes up with things that either commands something that is not otherwise natural, whether commands to do something (e.g. go to church every Sunday), or commands to refrain (e.g. eating pork). This is their imposition upon the otherwise secular order, whereas I'm more thinking about their cooption of secular order as if it is given by, or evidence for the veracity of, religion etc.

 

[exchemist]

Sure, religions can tell you "do this, do that, don't do this, don't do that", and your point above is well taken in that regard. That's looking at what religion commands as the source of our actions. However, I'm sort of looking at the reverse, where religion effectively codifies what is being done naturally, absent the religion, and then points to where it is being done as if it is evidence of (the benefits of) the religion.

It's like if you and your friends are playing football (whichever variant you care for), and I come along and set up an organisation around it, and declare that because of me you have always been allowed to play football. You were doing it anyway. The organisation just codified that which is natural and is, in essence, taking credit for it. And this is whether it is telling you you can do things you were already doing, or telling you you can't do things that you weren't doing.

It's different where the religion then comes up with things that either commands something that is not otherwise natural, whether commands to do something (e.g. go to church every Sunday), or commands to refrain (e.g. eating pork). This is their imposition upon the otherwise secular order, whereas I'm more thinking about their cooption of secular order as if it is given by, or evidence for the veracity of, religion etc.

Yes I agree that is what religions have often done, probably because they originated as a way of codifying desirable socially practices. But that is what secular laws do, too, so it is not much of a criticism, really. Religions may have grown up in part as a form of law, before there was much idea of a separate secular law. Judaism in particular is based largely around the Law of Moses and Christianity and Islam have inherited something of the same idea (though much diluted in the case of Christianity).

 

[Sarkus]

Yes I agree that is what religions have often done, probably because they originated as a way of codifying desirable socially practices. But that is what secular laws do, too, so it is not much of a criticism, really. Religions may have grown up in part as a form of law, before there was much idea of a separate secular law. Judaism in particular is based largely around the Law of Moses and Christianity and Islam have inherited something of the same idea (though much diluted in the case of Christianity).

True. But I'm not against codification per se, but that they take credit for being the source behaviour of what they codify.